The Life of Spoiledmrsjones

There’s no way I could love you “halfway.” There’s no way our story’s beginning, the middle we’re living in, and the future I have dreams about could ever be “mediocre”; it could never be a 5. The beginning, the point where you made me see I could be loved so intensely for just breathing, could never be a 5. The way you’ve loved me during my more finer moments and not so fine moments could never be a 5. The way we support each other’s dreams and aspirations could never be a 5. The way we lay together even when we’re upset about each other’s responses earlier in the day could never be a 5. My dreams and prayers for our future could never allow me to disrespect our love by rating it a 5. You see my belief in US alone is far above mediocrity. There’s nothing mediocre about how I love you, but it hurts to know it’s how you love me.



Goal, to say FUCK GOALS, and live 🤷🏽‍♀️

I wish I could just shield myself from pain. I really wish I did not irritate people to the point that lashing out is the only thing they feel is necessary to do. I know I subject myself a lot of times to the very hurt I can’t stand to endure. I also know that God is a healer, removes all stress and strain. He’d never put more on you than you can bare. In him there is peace like no other! (Insert forced shout because everyone else is shouting). Yeah, all that and I still hurt. Sorry, but I’m too real at this point to pretend. I sometimes dismiss the very practices I’ve been trained to do my entire life. I’ve never not heard a member of my family not mention God when I mention being hurt. I feel so weak because I’m having a moment where I can’t see how yelling out scriptures will ease me. I know I should be more faithful in this moment but I hurt......I hurt everywhere.

Why? Why can’t I decide who comes to the biggest party I’ll probably ever have? I don’t find it fair that people who didn’t/don’t love me while I was breathing get to show up in their best outfits and love me once I’m no longer breathing😒. Oh, and you get to sit front row with your head in your hands and say how much you loved me, tuh. Let’s not kid ourselves, you didn’t. How often did you call to see how I was? Not if I needed anything but just how I was. How many times did you look at your phone and say “That’s JUST Taniko”. You don’t get to come and cry when you didn’t smile at the thought of me. Now, I’m not saying I get to decide how you grieve but since I’m not dead, yet, try not living with regret. Whenever I’m asked “Hey, do you have siblings”, I respond proudly with “Yep, 5 sisters and 1 brother”. I never break down family dynamics, it’s never mattered to me. Shoot, I didn’t realize I was a stand alone kid until I was 11. A last of the Mohicans, one of a kind, no full blood sibling kind of kid. I was proud of a title not a true sisterhood. Truth is I’m not close to any of my siblings, and although family dynamics play a part, I definitely tried to establish a bond with all. Man, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do. Let me call her, no answer. Let me talk to her as long as I can while I got her, rushed off the phone. Let me be honest with her, ends in a fight. Eventually it’s come down to, let me keep my distance. So, NO you’re not invited to my biggest party, you barely showed up to support my life. I’m not saying you haven’t been excellent Aunts, you have been. You’ve just been horrible Sisters, maybe I have been as well. I’ve actually called when I couldn’t breathe, felt suffocated by the world, no answer. I’ve reached out for quality time when I couldn’t stand to be alone and needed support, no response. So please don’t hurt me by showing up and showing me you’re more happy to celebrate my death than you ever were to celebrate my life. I couldn’t stand the pain, so…….I’m uninviting you now 🖤

You’re married now so you can get IT every night! Without feeling like God’s gonna get you for sinning every night. You’re going to have sex all day long without a care in the world, trust? Naw, you’re not. Kids, weight gain, too tired, low testosterone, I want it but he don’t, she want it but I don’t. Wait until it’s dark. We don’t just have to have sex at night! It can be light! Naaaaaaw, not tonight. Why don’t we have sex? Why when I’m tired its an issue!? Ahhhhhhh, dickless nights😒. Who’s going to touch me if you don’t? Who’s going to want me if you don’t? Is it me, I’m fat? Is it her, she’s phater? Tell me?! Drawing my own conclusions just leaves me with a racing mind and a throbbing, you know what NEVER MIND! All men want is sex, that’s what you always hear! Well, that’s a lie cause you see my pussy begs to differ😒. Maybe if I……But if I….....damn, it all leads to dead ends. Wait a minute, is this nigga gay? Naw, that can't be! Address it? It’s been addressed. Now I’m getting forced dick, whack dick, could’ve kept that dick. Wasted juices, wasted time. Don’t worry once you’re married you’ll have sex all the time! HUH, yeah right. Naw bitch, it’s JUST ANOTHER DICKLESS NIGHT😒

No matter how hard you work to not be expendable to someone you can’t stop it from happening, I figured this out years ago. You can’t make someone see the value in having you in their life and they can’t make you see the value of having to remove you from theirs. So I now have no issues with being expendable. If I truly love and care for someone and their growth requires not having to deal with me, so be it. If I could go back and teach this to the younger me I’d saved me so much time and I would’ve…….worried less.

You know it's bad when he can't even rise from from the sight of her thighs coupled with the scent of her sweet prize.....I mean damn! It's right in front of his eyes, but he's so turned off by her every day that there's no way he'd ever want to play, hmmmmm. He's just here because THEY're here and he couldn't imagine bringing the opposite of peace to their little lives. So he builds up hate and resentment towards his "mate" secretly wishing that fate had dealt a different hand, but wait! That would mean that they wouldn't be they because there's no way that they'd exist if he and her had never been, WHEN, he realizes the circle always brings him back to her thighs and that, humph, "prize" if that's what she believes it is. He's just another guy caught, trapped, ruined by those thighs and that "prize". Unfortunately none of this is realized by She. She just hopes that her life doesn't ruin anyone else's and has always played the hand she was dealt with ease. "Please God help me figure out how to make him keep loving me" she has always cried because she ain't never been able to figure out how to make HIM keep loving her. No not just HIM, but HIM, HIM, HIM, and he'll even HIM! HIM-Dad, HIM-boyfriend, HIM-husband, HIM. SHOOT EVERY HIM THAT'S set eyes on her has gazed on her at first sight and all she's done is try to be herself while feen' for that gaze as hard as others feen for that purple haze. Just an attention seeking whore....NAW, a love and affection seeking women. She grew so much from the love that first gaze brought on and was tricked to believe that love would forever feed her....

The escape room held 10 people. The girls were shocked when they saw they'd be going in with older folk. When they all got in the car they were like "Those old people were really cool"🤣🤣🤣🤣

They ESCAPED! Had a blast at #escaperoomdc

My bald head baby is 17 years old today😩. When I tell you she changed my life, she completely changed my life. I was 17 and pregnant, to old to make the show but I'll take that as a blessing, and less than a month shy of 18 when I had her. I set goals and made sure they were met before she took her first breath. The love and strength she gave me was something that I could never explain. It's her birthday but it's the day that my eyes were opened. #oldestbabygirl #myheartwalkingtheearth #wearemakingit #whatfilter

It's the Birthday Turn Up! My Big Sister's Birthday is today and mine is tomorrow! Loving my girl time with my sisters and my life long friends. My heart is full🤗 #35looksgoodonme #sisters (at Rock And Roll Hotel)