Title? I Barely Know Her

It crawls major newspapers like the New York Times multiple times per day.

For anything other than one of those scrolling updates breaking news pages, you can access it from the Archive usually within an hour or two of it being published. No paywall. You want international news? You got it. Opinion? That too. Recipes? It's all here. Page not yet archived? There's a button for that and now you got it.

There are various paywall-evading extensions and tricks out there, but they don't always work. This does.

[Yes, I had to do it. Yes, all the voices are me. Lyrics under the cut.]

Kermit: it’s the muppets show!

Female Chorus:

It’s time to burn the incense,

It’s time to slay the sheep,

It’s time to wake the muppets from a thousand years of sleep!

Male Chorus:

It’s time to raze existence,

It’s time to banish light,

It’s time to call the void in on the muppets show tonight!

Statlor: So tell us, where’s your god now?

Waldorf: I guess you’ll never know

Statlor: your life becomes a torture

Both: when we begin the show!

Chorus: And now let’s get things started!

Audience: Why don’t you get things started?

Kermit: It’s time to get things started,

All:

On the aberrational, no-salvational, incantational, muppetational,

lake inferior

lake normal

lake offtario

lake hurton

welcome to the new world.