ruth

hello, anon !! i sincerely hope your exams went well :))) i just finished up my first year of grad school, so i am halfway done with my masters (holy fucking shit)

thank you for your ask !! as you may know, (or may not idk how apparent it is on my blog lmao) i am a tried and true jamie pilled bitch !! ughhh my beloved. i have genuinely given a lot of thought to this ask, and that it why i let it sit for so long. i wanted to make sure that i can give you something that i find beautiful and true.

in terms of my current thoughts, it is true that often times, many people fail to think of it what it feels like to be the one who leaves. i have been leaving pretty consistently for the past decade, and no matter how hard i try, something always either pulls me back or catches up to me. to be the one that leaves first is to carry the weight of all you left behind.

it is also beautiful when you are finally allowed to let go of whatever it may be that you left behind. i think that jamie let go far before trevor joined the flyers. i think that jamie found a place that was finally his to traverse on his own. and i think he traversed it with the understanding that when you are no longer in someone's shadow, when you no longer feel that you must wear whatever mask was handed to you by a team that only ever wanted to throw you away once you became a liability - then, and only then, can you finally look to the sky with any sort of certainty of self.

i think that his trade was obviously heartbreaking for many reasons, but i also think that it opened a necessary door to his promised future. coming to the flyers allowed him to finally heal in myriad ways that he simply was not able to do when he was still with the ducks. the level of care and love that he has received with this new team is probably something that 19 year old jamie could never fathom. i think that when trevor finally joined him a year and a half later, jamie was so much more of himself, so much more whole than he had been previously, and i think that is why they continue to work so well. jamie is quiet and understated and sometimes angry but always caring. he is intentional and reserved, but affectionate when he feels he can be.