Bunny!!

Actually can’t anymore. Might just say fuck it and relapse. I’ll recover later I can’t be bothered.

Another rough day again today, only managed some of my lunch snd dinner and..the cupcake. Basically I ate a cupcake in foodtech today and then freaked out about it the whole lot. I just can’t get rid of the feeling that I need to get as sick as possible to get better. That I need to be underweight. But I have so many good things coming up that I can’t do if I get that ill, so I try and remind myself of that.

Had a rougher day again today, managed to eat my lunch okay ish but iys literally a ham salad. Didnt have much for dinner and picked at a few bits in the cupboard later which I now feel guilty for. I promise I’m trying to recover, I just hate seeing the scale go up. It feels like loosing whay I worked hard for

I’ve never been underweight. I’ve never been tuned. I’ve never been sent to a residential. No one would ever look at me and assume I have an eating disorder. But I know the hell an eating disorder brings as much as anyone else, and you do too. I deserve recovery and you do too!!

As much as I loved loosing weight, my life was so small. I have to tell myself constantly that it’s not worth it to loose myself like that again. Even if I am fat, I think I’d rather be fat than live that hell again

Ate the churros abd they were lovely!!! And had a caramel sweet feel very bloated jow but I’m okay!!!

Wasn’t doing to well at tye start of today, barely ate anything at lunch and skipped breakfast BUTTT I had a big dinner with loads of salady picky bits, had a snaxk bar and I’m gonna have Cheerios later!! I’ve been really struggling because in my head, I’m not underweight ao iys not bad enough. Because I’ve never been “sick enough” but I know there’s no such thing as sick enough! Recovery winnnn!!!!