The Batcave has a “Do Not Talk To Me” couch. It’s sacred. It’s unspoken. It’s real.
the batcave has one couch. it's in the corner. it’s hideous. it’s like beige or green or something equally offensive to every one of their aesthetics. no one likes the couch.
and that is exactly why it became sacred.
because one night jason just. drops onto it. full gear. bleeding. absolutely done with life. says nothing. doesn’t even take off the helmet. sits there in silence for 3 hours and then leaves.
next week tim uses it. sits there post-mission. face in hands. someone tries to ask if he’s okay and jason throws a batarang at them.
Rules of the Do Not Talk To Me Couch:
You sit there? No one speaks to you.
You eat cold noodles off your chest at 4 a.m.? That’s sacred time.
If someone tries to comfort you? They are excommunicated for 12 hours.
Dick (sitting on the couch):
Damian: Grayson, are you—
Jason (from across the cave): HE’S ON THE COUCH.
Jason: I don’t make the rules.
Steph: You LITERALLY made the rules.
Jason: And I am the defender of the rules. There’s a difference.
one time damian storms in. covered in blood. absolutely furious. 10/10 rage goblin energy. throws his sword. marches to the couch. sits. arms crossed. steaming.
tim takes one look at him and goes: “i’m making tea.”
jason: “that’s acceptable. tea is allowed. talking is not.”
and the ENTIRE CAVE goes silent.
tim literally freezes mid-typing. cass stops mid-flip. jason just mutters “oh shit.”
they all leave. immediately.
the couch is not ready for bruce.
alfred vacuums around the couch. never says a word. leaves snacks in a silent offering. once placed a weighted blanket gently on jason’s shoulder. that’s different. he’s allowed.
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