Speech Notes

"My Robotvac hoovered up my soul after I sneezed it out..."

"Wanted: clone w/ sense of humour. Non smoker. Must not mind adverse conditions. Apply w̶i̶t̶h̶i̶n̶"

"They sat on his couch and then he said it: 'That's how it is in a capitalist economy.'"

"I am all up in your Rdio playlists gurl."

"Sometimes, I lay an outfit out on the bed and pretend I've been raptured."

"He knew it was over when she deleted her shared blog."

"So sad that she watched Angela's Ashes to cheer her self up."

"Prophetic Status Updates"

Do you think Tilda Swinton is a nice person IRL?

"He was the most successful at being the least successful."

"U r invited 2 my stinky medieval pizza party. R.S.V.P"

"Slain by the words: G R O U P  E X E R C I S E"

"She knew it was funny, but she could not say why exactly."

"Increasingly worried that I might have watched everything on N E T F L I X"

"With his last breath, he beckoned his children and said, "Let's do a selfie."

"She was a Canadian with an AMERICAN ego."

"The butcher struggles to keep his friends. It is hard for him to mince his words."