Spark of Interest

Now it currently written on a post it note sticking onto my wall. 

That is something I needed to hear, and I am sure there are others out there that need to hear it too. 

There are many things that are out of our control, and we have to take it in order to make it to the finish line!

*It is like me studying to be a school psychologist and having to take a statistics course in order to get my diploma.  (Pray for me, that was my lowest grade of all time which I am still trying to work on for my sake.)

Rather than getting mad at everything around me, I decided to figure out what I needed to do to help me get by every other class I am taking from here on out (whether it is truly necessary or dispensable). 

Especially with the New Year starting (and a new moon coming up tonight, January 12th 2021), there should not be an excuse as to what is stopping any of us. Most of 2020 was hard to adapt to, but here we are breathing! 

I went to the gym (& in the morning!! Although highly unusual, I also had no choice thanks to COVID). First day back was slow but steady and am so happy that I was able to pull through with it. 

Because now here I am. Sitting in my office. Watching TV. Like every other night. 

Usually, my boyfriend is with me already but he is late tonight. - I swear as the minutes went by without a response my anxiety kept boiling to the point where my lid was going to pop off...

To help me get over the thoughts taking laps throughout each crease in my brain, I smoke them out before it becomes a migraine. 

(Following rules and regulations accordingly OF COURSE) I WANT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. 

Of course, I know I’m not alone. But the unanswered question is... who is willing to hear me out? 

- I am studying psychology (finishing my bachelors) and minoring in anthropology to try to understand and help other individuals (including myself even). ----- Although I put all of my fucks (time, money, and energy) into hearing out the pain and suffering of other individuals (who are unique in their own way, NO JUDGMENT), I feel that the learned helplessness that I developed with time also impacts the way I try to get that same help. 

Tonight, I am toking the bong with my boyfriend. He is sleeping over tonight (thank god!) - it really helps me since my high tolerance for weed doesn’t always cut it for me (cuz then I smoke a lot more rather than actually trying to save $ in the midst of a pandemic). 💕

I have a joint ready to go (only downside is the thick rolling paper since that was all I had left). I was watching WWE before and I literally just remembered at this moment (11:22pm) that I had this rolled for me personally (it is even small enough dammit). - Why have I not smoked it? - How did I forget that I had rolled something earlier today? 🤷‍♀️

^^ (so friggin’ cute!!) 

Okay, BACK ON TOPIC. (I really need to start training my memory skills) 😖

Overall, I seriously need to figure out how to take better care of myself. (And that will start NOW.) 👍

Now I’m getting distracted by the TV. Guess I’ll go focus on what is around me instead of being glued to the screen. 📺

- I smoke to help me eat since my stress diminishes my appetite on a daily basis. 

Currently 3:45pm and I got Five Guys - was instantly craving a strawberry milkshake - all while watching Gordon Ramsay yelling at negligent restaurant owners.

Even with all the hectic shit going on in the outside world, you can always make good out of the spot you are standing in at this very moment - all it takes is not putting your fucks (aka: time, energy, and money) into what isn’t going to ACTUALLY benefit you.

Now that I think about it, I really need to create a fuck budget.

hmmmm....

The first thing I am going to give my fuck towards is the joint I just rolled - there is always more room for me to be get higher up into the clouds - teehehehehe

As I am finish up my bachelors in psychology (and want to take up school psychology further down the road), I also noticed how many of the traits are significant to my zodiac sign.

Since coming across my whole birth chart, coming to know myself came to be much easier. - It also explained why two Virgo women I know and love are different in so many ways.

Little did I know the horoscope article of the newspaper only covered the Sun within. Next thing I knew, the moon within lies in Gemini and what rises to the outside world is a Cancer (explains why I get so emotional). 

Although some people do not believe in it (especially the moment they do not resonate with the print), there is always more underlying information (some more hidden than others).

Rather than pushing it to the side the moment it lacks sense, I am going to start asking WHY or HOW. 

Mine is Lapis Lazuli 🧞‍♂️

Something about holding it in my palm sends energy through my veins - the brightness of the blue relaxing every muscle in my body. 🧘🏻‍♀️

Being a Sagittarius, I instantly felt a connection with it the first moment I laid eyes on it in a small Buddhist shop in the heart of Queens. 🏹

Out of all the stones that sat in the basket, my hand instantly pulled out a perfectly oval piece with an indent that perfectly fits the grasp of my fingertip. 🔮

Tell me your favorite crystal and the reason you are connected to it 💓