No Longer A Girl

We laughed so hard, and they pushed me (I can't propel myself very far) and we took photos and we laughed more and we went through mud and fine sand and thistles, and then we ate croissants at a café and when we got back to the car we had ice cream and

I wish I could go back to my child self and show them this day. I wish I could say, One day you'll be part of things and people will be glad to have you around, and they won't complain about pushing you up a steep grade or through a bog, and they will want to hear your shitty jokes and when you gasp and say LOOK A BABY BUNNY they will stop to look and it will be exactly as magical as you're imagining now.

The food in our cupboards is food I will eat - or at least our cupboards contain nothing I hate and am expected to eat anyway. There is always something to snack on for when food is Bad and eating is Hard. There are no doors on the cupboards, the better to remember that food exists and can be accessed easily.

There are soft things everywhere. The lights are kept low and soon we will put up fairy lights for supplemental lighting. My sensory needs are met and respected, and I am safe.

My partner puts my walker in his car and drives me places - and does not object when I would rather be the one driving, relinquishes control as easily as breathing. He checks to make sure I am okay, that I am not pushing too hard; he believes me when I say I can or cannot do something. He slows down to keep pace when I am tired or in pain, and never, ever rushes me.

The dishes are allowed to stay in the sink overnight and the world does not explode if the bathroom is not cleaned top-to-bottom weekly before Sunday evening. My roommate and partner believes me when I say I cannot do something, and I feel safe and comfortable to ask for help when I need it.

I am unlearning the involuntary hesitation of inviting people to my home, and learning that it's okay to let people in even if their time in my life is only temporary.

your childhood is gay, and there’s nothing you can do about it!