"the shape of water is love" -guillermo del toro

Good husband

Old witchcraft is out, new witchcraft is herb correspondences based solely on puns

Is ur husband bob from bobs burgers

Me, about to become the new owner of the local Denny’s

Knowing your life’s purpose

Some guy today mentioned he was in a band to me and I watched him get visibly uncomfortable when I didn’t ask him anything about it. He kept trying to bring the conversation around to his band and I wasn’t budging.

POWER MOVE: Complete and utter disinterest in men’s obsession with their own mediocrity

i love this guy 60% of every video is him rolling around on the floor screaming while his camera guy goes “hey….. u ok?” then 5 minutes later he gets up and is like “ok folks, there u have it, the Satan DeathRay Fire Monster actually does cause pain when it bites u. science is great”

people have been illegally dumping their old boats all around abandoned neighborhoods in detroit so this one newscaster on the local news station has been collecting them and finding out who the owners are by looking up the ID numbers on the boats and then she puts them on a flatbed truck and she brings them back to their owners wearing a fucking captain’s hat and she knocks on their doors and goes “hey we found your boat!”

Not all heroes wear capes