child of Ineffable Divorce

A new cozy illustration for my autumn collection.

we went back and forth for 30 seconds and it got awkward really fast because it turns out all my other roommates thought i just had a compulsive need or some sort of desire to deep clean the kitchen every sunday and they just left me to it.

when in reality i was meal prepping for the entire week every sunday and when i finished i cleaned up after myself obviously—wiped the counters down, scraped gunk off the stove, scrubbed the sink, and swept the floor.

took me 10 minutes but always left it looking great.

then i didn't use the kitchen the whole rest of the week because i'd just grab my prepped meals in the morning and go out for all-day fieldwork.

but apparently nobody else ever cleaned up after themselves at all when they cooked. like they'd just leave food on the stove and counters and drop shit on the floor etc. and not clean it up so they thought every monday morning the kitchen was "deep cleaned" simply bc there wasn't old food on every surface.

i was like, "...........i've noticed the kitchen is always messy when i use it on sundays but i've always figured someone just used it and didn't get around to cleaning it up yet and i didn't mind because i'm always about to make a mess anyway............y'all just use the kitchen like that all week?"

Simple question, right?

Except… he suddenly got defensive. His tone changed. I could feel tension building, and I had no idea why. So I took a breath and asked, “Wait, what did you hear me say?”

He paused, thought about it, and said, “I thought you meant ‘Why aren’t you doing anything?’ Like you were mad I was being lazy.”

But that wasn’t what I meant at all. I’d genuinely just been curious.

And that moment reminded me how easily things can go sideways when we assume intent. Our brains, especially when we’ve had messy pasts, trauma, or relationship anxiety, tend to fill in the blanks with the worst possible meaning.

But that one question, “What did you hear me say?”, turned what could’ve been an argument into understanding.

It gave both of us a chance to clarify before our brains made up a story that wasn’t true. I was able to explain, and he was able to listen. Understanding what I meant changed his tension entirely.

Sometimes the fight isn’t about what was said. It’s about what was heard.

now, instead of maintaining a comprehensive, nuanced, and human-maintained encyclopedia by which to check your document, they have switched to an AI that just compares what you’ve written to what other people write in, say, Google Docs, and use the most commonly used iteration.

ever have it change something like “all intents and purposes” to “all intensive purposes” or “should’ve” to “should of”? that’s why!