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One thing I’ve learned in life, if you act really self-assured and confident you can pretty much get away with anything.

For example, I’ve watched someone walk on to a plane with no passport. Just walked right on.

Once walked out of a dude’s house with a pair of his pants slung over my shoulder. Did all the usual eye-contact, saying-goodbye movements and noises, just… while stealing his pants. He did not notice. 

I told my English teacher that she graded my final paper(I did not turn one in) and that she told me it was well written. She scrambled 3 days trying to find the nonexistent paper, then apologized to me for losing it and gave me a 96%. Confidence is key

my dad’s mate just walked out of a shop with a canoe and didn’t get questioned

Humans are like bees: if they sense you’re an intruder all hell will break loose, but if you get inside the hive they just assume you belong there. Be confident.

Bee confident

They change the names and dates each time. They don’t need to change anything else.

If you’re transphobic your gay card has been revoked. Sorry I don’t make the rules! You can’t be in a community if you hate part of it!!!

blog goals: making someone a little happier

i work in a pet store. a woman was looking at our bettas and asked me whether one was male or female. i told her that they were all male, because they are- our company only orders male bettas. she looked at me incredulously and pointed at one and asked, “even this one?” i was like “…yes, why?” “it’s pink, though! why is the male fish pink?” i swear, she was borderline angry at me. i didn’t know how to explain that fish genetics don’t adhere to human gender roles

the cis: but what about BIOLOGY also the cis: but… why is the pink fish MALE??

oh boy wait til they hear about flamingos

This ain’t right lmaooo

Yall!!! L M F A O

date someone who wants you to be successful in life and would want nothing more than to be with you through the process.

hey guys i’m starting school soon so if anyone wants to come to my house and kill me that would be cool

Does anyone else forget that mental illness symptoms aren’t normal? Like, most people don’t want to kill themselves constantly??? That’s so weird.

all clothes are unisex if you stop giving a shit