January Embers

The girl who pounded on the glass of Celia’s window, alternating between screaming at them to give her child back and calling out, “Franny, baby, Mommy loves you, Mommy’s coming”?

The girl who slept outside their house for ages until she got custody back?

The girl who swapped a random foster kid with Franny because she’d rather-quote- “die than let that bitch (pepa) have one second alone with Franny”.

The woman who tucked her daughter into bed and made sure she was clean and fed and had a roof over her head and a bed? Yes I know that’s bare minimum but again, Southside.

The woman who risked losing-who did lose- a very good client so she could get snacks for her daughter’s school?

The woman who spent an entire day searching for her daughter and yelled at Frank that she cared about her kid, unlike him.

Fine she was too much with the princess and little miss Southside thing. But I think she must’ve realised somewhere along the way and she devoted an entire day to spoiling Franny, taking her out to see her favourite wrestler and just spending time with her.

The girl who worked tooth and nail to become a welder for a better future for Franny and felt so bad that she was missing her first steps?

Y’all really think that Debbie’s gonna abandon her? For Ian and Mickey to raise especially?

Mickey might like Franny, but he wouldn’t want to raise her. He likes that he can give her back at the end of the day, honestly. Ian too. If Ian wants kids, he wants his own with Mickey. Not his niece, who he knows has a mother who loves her.

Debbie’s not the most amazing mother in the world. But Franny was five years old when the show ended and Debbie was beginning to show signs of improvement. She was a teen mother. She chose it, and that was on her, but she’s learning. And she has time. And she fucking loves Franny. She might go out for a few hours at a time but she’s always back in time to collect Franny from school or put her to bed or wake her up in the morning.

Carl and Mickey are definitely starting to grow. I see a lot of headcanons and fanfics that Mickey dislikes or resents Carl for being a cop. While he does seem a little wary of the fact that he’s a cop, it could just be that the less people who knew about the bike scheme the better. Also we got a cracker line form it (“Ian got his period this morning, sent me out for doughnuts”. I died). Also the breakfast scene proves it. I will once again point out the fact that Mickey hates people touching him with some exceptions. He literally holds out his hand for Carl to slap, they’re so sweet. And I KNOW ian is loving it too.

Speaking of Ian, that little pat when he walks past Mickey to get a doughnut? The little “Walking Past My Husband, Gotta Touch Him In Some Way!” I’m gonna scream it’s so fucking cute and so married and just arrgh I love love love it! The domestic bliss we all deserve to see!

Debbie venting about her relationship with Sandy, while pretty funny, gives me flashbacks to young Gallavich. “Sort out your own issues, ask her yourself” Mickey tells her. He’s dismissive, he and Ian have been through so much worse that Debbie’s problems almost seem small to them. “Shes the one Whos married! To a dude!” THE. PARALELL. THE PARALLEL, PEOPLE! “HE GOT MARRIED. TO A WOMAN!” SOUND FAMILIAR???

When Ian says "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer" nodding his head, letting the words dance because he KNOWS they've been through something horrible, he knows Mickey was there when Ian got his diagnosis. He wants to make him feel that yes, Mick, I know you'll always be here. Just as he also knows, having grown up in poverty, what that means and still the certainty that even in that life he will still love Mickey. "To love and to cherish till death do us part" while letting out a sigh. I haven't stopped doing it.

They're both so incredibly nervous, and you can tell Ian always tries to be intimate when it comes to them, like when he asked Mickey if they couldn't just be them organizing their wedding. And like in this moment saying Mickey, emphasizing those parts that he knows only the two of them share. He's giving him everything he is, remembering their lives. For Ian to say "Mickey" is knowing that for him, he's always been the same boy he fell in love with, in a closeness that only they can navigate. He knows he's not just Mikhailo, the name given to him by people who hated him his whole life, who made him feel like nothing. For Ian, it's as easy as feeling naturally, like breathing, that he's Mickey, his Mickey.

Mickey, on the other hand, saying "Mikhailo" to me has the strength of using his own name, which will be wrapped in painful memories, in the shadow of a person he no longer is, to give it a new meaning. And at the same time to give Ian that part of himself too, something like I love you with everything I am, with all my pieces, completely.

I feel like they're trying to emphasize what's most important to them; for Ian, it's knowing that Mickey will also be there in the worst of it, when he hits rock bottom. For Mickey, it's letting Ian know that he truly loves him and forever, knowing that he spent years without being able to do so

there's so many layers and parallels there. ian is feeling listless and like his life and his body aren't his own. he was once the most self-reliant member of his family, the one who could disappear for days at a time because everyone trusted him and no one had to worry about him. and now everyone is breathing down his neck. he has no privacy, no agency, none of the confidence and independence that he prided himself on

he's still grappling with a diagnosis that will change his entire life, and the only experience he has with the condition is entwined with his childhood trauma. all he knows of bipolar he's seen from monica, who is not a good example of what it is to live with it. ian hasn't adjusted to his meds yet. he feels nothing. he feels like a ghost in his own life. for a long time ian would seek out sex as a distraction, as a pass-time, as a way to feel something. he was always proud of his identity and confident in his sexuality. and now he can't get an erection.

he takes mickey to the dug outs, where they would sneak off together when they were closeted. where they fell in love. he desperately tries to reclaim a point in time where he felt invincible. he tries to do the pull-ups, like he did that summer night when mickey got out of juvie and they talked about the future. when ian was so sure of who he was and what he wanted. but he's too weak now. just another way he feels he can't measure up

and mickey is acting all concerned, in a way he never would have back then. and though ian should be happy that mickey loves him, he just feels cornered, feels babied. he just wants to go back to how things were when he felt like he was his own person. and he starts a fight, and he brings up who mickey was when he fell for him, another call back to the last time they were in this place together, desperately trying to relive something that made him feel so alive. and he throws the first punch, and mickey hits back

and suddenly they're fighting, just like they did before the first time they ever hooked up. when the adrenaline and the close proximity had made their attraction impossible to hide. fighting just like how this whole thing started.

and suddenly ian says 'that's the first time i've felt anything since...' and mickey realizes that ian has been trying to reclaim something here, in this place that is theirs. ian just wants to feel alive, to feel real. he needs the reminder of who he was before this. and they're bloody and they're smiling and mickey kisses him in a way he hasn't since before the diagnosis.

because despite everything, and underneath it all, they're still those two boys in the dug outs that summer night. except mickey can kiss him now, can love him. and he can make ian feel alive, he can, but they don't have to keep throwing punches to do it.

but just like the first time, the adrenaline, the proximity, the freedom, it sparks something between them and ian is able to perform for the first time since he started his meds. and he knows that mickey still sees him, exactly as he did before. they can still make this work.

and the song saying 'coming up for air', because ian finally feels like he can breathe again