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@sosodarling

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Source: just a gut feeling

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I think I will rip a few things apart with my teeth and then feel better
just so u know everything in the entire universe is always about love and when it isn't about love it is abt the absence of love. hope this makes sense
fill me up, fill me full up
being in my 20s is like I understand more of my mother and less than i ever have. My childhood friends are strangers to me and there’s no one i know better. i want to drink wine. i never stopped wanting to climb trees. i know more than I’ve ever known before. I don’t know anything at all. i’m seven years old and sixteen and twenty nine and seventy. I can’t tell when i'm happy. I think the only thing that will make me happy is to be little again. i want to be really old. i go to the ocean and feel like nothing matters more than that. in my bedroom everything matters so much. I go to the grocery store every day. i know how to cook a lot of things but the only thing i know how to eat is fried eggs. I can take care of myself but i want to be taken care of. i want to go home and I don't know where that is. i think it may be somewhere inside of me but i’m not sure
“Tell me. What name for / this thing that haunts, this thing we become.”
— Reginald Dwayne Betts, from “Essay on Reentry,” in Felon

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“I ache, I never stop aching. Look at me. I wish I could step into your eyes. I wish you would close your eyes.”
— Hélène Cixous, from The Selected Plays of Hélène Cixous; “Portrait of Dora,” (via violentwavesofemotion)
nov 4 2021 — silas denver melvin
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[Text ID: i view each day only as another grave plot ive yet to pour cement into we're all waiting for our dead to catch up to us i like being a man but not when my father's around i think if my grandpa survived any longer, he would have learned to hate me i joke about being the runt of the family i upright the angels at the cemetery i tell people this because i want to be loved i do bad things my neurotic behavior rivals a trapped bird my heart resembles a bruised burial all i know is my mother doesn't want to be cremated i talk to none of my cousins my uncles wouldn't be able to pick me out of a lineup even my nana didn't understand my ma tried to teach me shame so i wouldn't get hurt i got hurt anyway if it's a game, im losing if i was meant to live this long, i think god is wasteful ive got no legacy ive got no idea what i want to do when i die /End ID]
“I enjoy controlled loneliness. I like wandering around the city alone. I’m not afraid of coming back to an empty flat and lying down in an empty bed. I’m afraid of having no one to miss, of having no one to love.”
— Kuba Wojewodzki
Alejandra Pizarnik, tr. by Yvette Siegert, from “The Night, The Poem”, Extracting the Stone of Madness: Poems 1962 - 1972

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everyday i wake up ready to commit lesbianism
Art of Style: Jean Cocteau