Sir, they only serve cringe here. How unfortunate

Fuck hostile architecture, I want unhostile architecture. I want benches to be designed to be as easy as possible to sleep on. I want little places for pigeons to nest to be purposefully put on buildings. I want people designing public spaces to think about what they'd be like to skateboard on. I want "Please loiter" signs. I want people to be kind. I want...

We need cities that do not resent the fact that people live in them

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

mri accident is literally one of my biggest anxiety freakouts. i dont care about being in the tiny loud tube, im so scared of a secret piece of metal i dont know about in my body will tear through me like a knife through butter. what if i ate a quarter in my sleep

Quarters George who eats a $10 roll of quarters every night is shredded into a fine mist my the MRI

i do think we should normalise being like. platonically enamoured with someone. perhaps i love and admire you dearly and there's nothing romantic about it

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

you need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.

dude hes three….

And uncultured. Get a new child

big fan of telling people "have fun" when they say theyre going to the restroom

now that's a friend indeed

"Ignore the long Elmo" no I don't think I will

Where's that tweet about how American chants are "let's go [team name] and some other country (Irish?) fans are "I've made up a song about the other team's drinking problem to the tune of London Bridge Is Falling Down one two three"?

being 25 is just realizing over and over again that you play a myriad of important and complex roles in other people’s lives and they genuinely respect you and rely on you even though you eternally see yourself as a raccoon in a propeller hat who has been sent to the principal’s office for high crimes and misdemeanors 

*right clicks on you*

*views your properties*

sorry to everyone out there who thinks they have the funniest tshirt but i think i can confidently say i just saw the actual funniest tshirt just now. i passed by a beautiful black woman with long multicolor braids blowing majestically in the beach breeze & she was wearing an oversized tshirt that said in gigantic letters "WHITE BOY OF THE YEAR"