sophia

A hui hou (until next time)

My Integrative Dr. Says my body has been through war. 6 months of chemotherapy means there is clean up that needs to happen. To get rid of all the trash leftover, to remove any undetonated bombs. Whatever can get my neuropathy to go away, I'm all over it. Most regular Dr's don't help with this sort of thing and are just trained to prescribe medications. When they really should be knowledgable about food, diet and energy work that is all a part of health and healing. Only a part of the body is treated with meds to mask the ailments and not fix them from the root or the core. This is such an important part of preventative. My preventative plan was 6 months of colon cancer chemotherapy. That's it. Nothing about how to take care during or after. It should be a part of the whole chemo plan, a 6month detox program that brings your health and energy back. The only calls I got afterwards from the oncology dept. were automated ones asking me for a survey. It sort of bothers me that this is how "healthcare" is dealt with. You are basically left to clean up the war zone on your own. I've taken it upon myself to get the support needed to detox these toxins from my tissue and fat cells so as not to have any further damage done as well as reverse the neuropathy that is truly a pain. It causes a frostbite like sensation in the feet and fingers. They buzz and tingle constantly which makes everyday activities a bit challenging. As much as it hurts, I've started to go back to crossfit modifying however I need to rebuild the strength in my body which was lost over the 9 months of little to no training. Yoga is very painful to do right now, but I'm somewhat able to manage the weightlifting and exercises in crossfit. I wear baseball gloves to help with the pain I feel when touching cold metal or anything rough like rope. It helps my grip as well, which is needed for various moves like kettle bell swings or barbell presses. There's a lot of soreness from starting back up again but it helps distract from the nerve pain. It's definitely great to be back. With each day I will get stronger and before I know it the pounds of weight that I gained will melt away and the sadness I once hurt so deeply with will feel like a distant island. An island that I felt stranded on and wanted so badly to get away from. I'm now on that boat looking back seeing it fade and fade. Makes me feel as if I should write about how I lived and survived on that island incase anyone is ever needing some insight. I understand that I wasn't the only one living on that "island" but it sure felt like a solitude experience. I felt as if I was on a deserted island. So now the next steps for cleanup after chemo are the metal tests to check the level of metals in my system, lymphatic massages every two weeks with infra red sauna time. I will continue the quantum healing, reiki, salt mineral baths and will look into sound bath healing as well. I look forward to something different. The sessions of acupuncture were great but I didn't like getting them in the the tips of my fingers. So glad that I booked a trip to Maui before starting chemo treatments back in April 2015. It's a great way to help get through treatment when there is something exciting to look forward to. Although I've spent so many days feeling like I was somewhere I didn't want to be, I was always on paradise, the island that can feel so terrible is also the same place that can cradle you in rainbows. That is what a life experience is. Looking within and seeing the other side. Seeing that duality in everything. I'm grateful and thrilled to go soak in the pacific ocean under the Hawaiian sun. This is the long awaited treat that is finally here!!! Headed off to paradise where I will rejuvenate my soul and heal my cells.

Today marks 2/3 point of my adjuvant chemo therapy treatments for colon cancer. My regimen includes 12 rounds of Folfox, a treatment that has a whole bunch of side effects such as cold sensitivity. Drinking anything cold causes the throat to tighten up and hurt. Touching anything cold makes the hands go numb with pain . I’ve got 4 more treatments to go before I am completely done! My survival chemo tips for getting through it with very minimal side effects have been; Daily Vedic Meditation, A plant based/vegan diet and no alcohol. Lots of water & coconut water. Regular exercise of hot yoga, boot camp, jump-roping and hiking. Acupuncture, detox salt soaks with sea algae. Herbs, vitamins & juicing. Body scrubs (akasuri), dry brushing, reiki, detox foot pads and massage. Laughter, painting, and most importantly rest. When my white blood cell count dropped, I brought them up by eating lots of garlic, drinking a “green food” mix and having shots of diluted cranberry juice. I also snack on goji berries throughout the day. I still have my hair, my skin and nails have never looked better! I realize that everyone’s situation is different but this is what makes me feel good, so I do it. I’ve also have not had to take any anti nausea/or stool medications. I crave greasy food on the treatment days but as soon as the cold sensitivity wears off, I’m eating tons of fruit and fiber. I plan to go back to eating S.O.S. vegan (no sugar, oil, or salt) once my treatments are over. It was what helped my body release symptoms for me to find out about my tumor in the first place. My whole life I had been trying diets to stay lean, with Atkins and Paleo type trends. I was also vegetarian but mainly a junkfood vegetarian. I finally learned to eat a whole food, unprocessed diet that is not only great for fighting disease (dis-ease) but ethical and critical for the improving the environment. There is so much conditioning that happens from years and years of nonsense food fads for health and fitness, it makes me wonder about the health of future generations. As a believer of miracles, the type of pharmacies I see for the future could vary well become the right kind. The right kind meaning Farmacies, where we go back to basics and eat the live foods to live. Live plants to heal. 🌱

The Daruma Doll (Aka Dharma doll) Japanese good fortune doll depicting Bodhidharma. In the new year one eye is colored in with a set goal. You then give Daruma full site, "opening" of the second eye once the goal is accomplished. I have yet to realize my goal but I needed the reminder today of it's most important feature. The solid base and heaviness that always returns to an upright position when knocked down. Symbolizing the ability to have success, overcome adversity, and recover from misfortune. The Daruma phrase "Nanakorobi Yaoki", translates to mean "seven times down, eight times up".

Passionately follow your excitement! #painting excites me 💕#sophiaporterart #acryliconcanvas #doves #messengersoflove #love

Another week has gone by and round 3 of my preventative chemo is slowly approaching. By adding hot yoga, more juicing, and eating smaller food portions, I almost feel better than before starting chemo. I think the accumulative effects of meditation is outweighing any accumulative effects of chemo. I've actually become unburdened by the fact that I am having chemo. When you truly live now and in your joy you really start to understand that circumstances don't matter, it's your state of being that matters. We decide every minute what state of being we prefer. We choose what we experience in life. I must credit Bashar for enlightening me with this understanding. Now that it's become clear to me, I see people postponing happiness everywhere I go. By not allowing themselves to make eye contact and conversation, or not buying it because it's not on sale. Choose joy and choose it now. Don't let circumstances limit you, make the most of what you have. Notice how children don't stop having fun wherever they go? That's the direction my compass is pointing to. Joy, Love, Excitement! Do what you love, do it now.

I knew I'd be very sore the next day when I was loading the bar for Fran. I went for it though. Fran is probably the most well known benchmark workout in Crossfit. Famous for it's simple but brutal combo of Thrusters and Pull ups. It's these two moves for 21-15-9 reps for time. The prescribed weight for the thrusters is 95lbs for men and 65lbs for women. It's not mandatory ever to do it RX, but finding a weight that is challenging is the fight you want, just enough so that you probably could do it unbroken but heavy enough so that breaking up the sets is probably what will happen. Not just Fran but all of those benchmark workouts in Crossfit seem to create growth on multi levels. When I'm looking up at that bar and fatigue in my grip and forearms start to set in, each jump up is like a leap of faith. I literally have to picture myself succeeding prior to jumping up to get my chin over that bar. Those are precious seconds that you ether accumulate or chisel off of your Fran time. It's in-between all of those reps that the fight to grab the bar one more time becomes what I tend to remember most. I'm telling myself, either "oh my god, this feels so much harder today" or I'm saying "yes, whatever the fuck it takes!" That is my favorite line that Paul Giamatti says in the movie "Win Win". A wrestling movie where the kid is explaining to his coach what he does to get out of a pin and says: "Well, I just tell myself that...the guy on top is trying to take my head and shove it underwater and kill me and if I don't wanna die on bottom, I have to do whatever the fuck it takes to get out. And the Coach says "Okay. So the move is, "whatever the fuck it takes." Let's go. Let's work on it!" That passion and fire excites me! I definitely crave the spark which doing Crossfit ignites. My life compass magnetically follows my excitement which is what got me in the box yesterday. And Fran became my bitch the day before my second Chemo treatment. To me it's not only physical training but it's the kind of mental training I truly enjoy. I love the way it prepares my nerves to take on daunting tasks. It teaches focus and my meditation practicing also becomes very apparent as a key within it. Yeah, I'm sore today but the benefits outweigh it all. I'm stretching, rolling and doing all sorts of stuff while I have this chemo pump on for another day. All of it helps with energy level and eases side effects. I just do "whatever the fuck it takes" and everyday of my life becomes a win win!

Doing Constellation work for the first time was definitely a day for practicing openness. It’s even challenging trying to explain what it is and how it’s done because of certain skepticism when talking about stuff like this. Of course I tried it when my Integrative wellness Dr. prescribed sessions. I really wasn’t sure what kind of appointment I was making. I just trusted, showed up and decided to play. I was first asked about family tragedies, health issues, and traumatic incidents. During all of this the facilitator is making me aware of hurt that happened and was passed down to me from my ancestors. Some of the things I was told about during the WW2 era I knew to be true. Through this I learned that there are things that pass down through DNA and get encoded in our energy fields. These unresolved issues are then cleared by honoring them and passing them back from which they came. After awhile into it I wanted to keep going and keep learning, especially after hearing that even my Mother would feel an inner piece and shift from it. If this it what it takes to clear energy fields, and cellular memories to bring health and well being back. I’m game!

Made this countdown calendar for my treatments of Adjuvant Chemo (preventative chemo) for colon cancer. Got to shred #12 today. Side effects so far; cold sensitivity. That one was pretty immediate. Washed my hands in cold water and it felt like someone put ice under my skin. It's with every body part too. So no ice cream and swimming for me this summer. The other side effect I could feel is the thing they call "first bite" a painful feeling in the jaw when you take take your first bite of food. A little tingling in the hands but it's not consistent. Food taste blander as well and I am extremely sensitive to smells. Almost like when your pregnant and you can smell things way more acutely. I've been eating Gin Gins and Trader Joe's Ginger Chews for the very mild nausea. They really work. I drink as much water as I can and will do 45 minutes of cardio later. There are so many benefits with exercise during treatment. There are so many benefits to exercise period. It helps with tiredness, nausea and recovery. This next week will be all about detox and repair. Lots of juicing, sleep and laughing. Sounds like a good plan for just about anyday! One down, eleven to go!

Not clinging to one idea or placement in life brings opportunity, brings freedom and room for so much more to be added to this whole experience of life. Today I surrender and honor all the feelings and thoughts so that I can gently flow with the go.

#JaiGuruDev :“Victory to the Greatness in you” 3 months ago at my #pujaceremony #meditation --------------------------------------- We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize. Thich Nhat Hanh

We all have the choice of what we choose to believe. I will continue to choose in believing freely.

Here is my niece Camellia. She is visiting from college on her spring break. She went GI Jane and challenges everyone to change their standards of beauty. She guarantees it will make you see yourself in a whole new light and give you a newfound sense of confidence and what it means to feel beautiful. So this evening with the nudge from my teenage daughter who has had her hair shaved for years already, I took the challenge. Turned on my Pandora station to INXS and went for it. The right 80's music always adds extra excitement for me. At first Anthora shaved just the sides and gave me an edgy punk rock mohawk which made me look a little like Sloth from the Goonies. I was torn because it actually looked pretty cool. But shaving it all was very liberating, just how my niece said it would be. I love it!

Make the conscious choice of eliminating the word "trying" from your vocabulary. There are a lot of words we can change for change but this one is a good start. By completely cutting out usage of the word "trying" you instantly get a fast pass to actual progress and success. Instead of saying "I'm trying to get better at remembering names", Say "I'm getting better at remembering names." When you eliminate the word "trying" you all of a sudden are doing what you were trying and it becomes an affirmation and then turns to reality. So...I'm trying to save up some money becomes, I'm saving up some money. Even if it hasn't really happened, it will start to happen because you are no longer trying, you are doing. I'm trying to loose weight becomes I'm loosing weight. I'm trying to make it happen is now I'm making it happen. Success is really a choice of what we affirm in life. Why prolong results by "trying" so hard. What's one you can think of?

If I don't create, It's as if I've held my breath. I'm sure you all feel me. #sophiaporterart #iloveflames #messengersoflove #dove

I have been matched with a mentor angel through imermanangels.org She is the same age who shares the same experience as mine. We are now corresponding via e-mail and It has already proven to be helpful. To have someone that can relate to all that I have gone through with surgery and all that I’m about to go through with adjuvant chemo treatment is definitely comforting. Having someone before you that has tread the same path and is on the other side rooting for you makes it less scary. The other day I asked my angels to take my worries because they no longer serve me and I feel like they sent me this service to help gather all of the other straggling worries. It’s funny how life unfolds itself when you let go and trust divine guidance. After seeing the movie Cinderella tonight I was reminded that we are all like Cinderella that can have a miracles happen. She trusted and focused on the positives, believed in magic, and in the end stayed true to herself no matter what. She also forgave those who hurt her. That is what released her from any low vibrations that may have held her back from living her dream. Believing is seeing. Fairy God Mothers, angels, spirit guides, are all available to us when we call on them.