Okay I am editing and waiting to post on ao3. In honor of not waiting. Anyone want a snippet.
The night of his fifteenth birthday there was a knock on the door.
“Ponce, let me in,” Sirius hissed. Regulus jumped from his bed, opening the heavy door to a sliver of his brother’s eyes.
“I don’t care to at the moment I–”
With a shove, Sirius made his way into the room. His brother’s shoulder length black hair was cut in a stylish shag, far longer than it had ever previously been and looking like he’d shorn it himself. It had been the first time they’d seen each other at home since the holidays. Sirius had kept his distance since around his birthday in early November. Something had happened, and it changed his brother, but only to him. He would avoid his eyes in the hallways like he had a secret he knew Regulus would figure out.
Sirius’ eyes immediately went to the clippings laid out on the bed.
“I love what you’ve done with the place, so facist-chique.You really are a Black through and through, good for you Reg,” Sirius voice was sharp. Regulus rolled his eyes.
“I told you I was busy,” Regulus sweeped up the clippings, “and you have no right to judge me.” Sirius sat on the bed, still looking around, doing the judging anyway.
“What is it, what do you have to say?” asked Regulus, haughty. His brother’s large grey eyes bored straight through him twisting something in his stomach.
“You know, one day I won’t be here.”
“What’re you suggesting?”
His brother’s expression remained cold, that didn’t matter much in the house of Black. Regulus searched instead in the grey blue eyes they shared, shallow with emotion only the two could understand. Sirius did not look away. It was rare they spoke during this time, even more rare for Regulus to accept the clawing guilt in his stomach for leaving his brother to fend for himself.
“An ending,” Sirius said, firmly. Regulus felt his throat swelling, closing off his voice, he coughed.
“I thought I’d, see–” Sirius whispered, his voice hitching on Regulus’ stare.
“This is death. You won’t be remembered fondly, you’ll have no safety.” Regulus hissed.
“To them, I’m sure,” Sirius affirmed, “I’d like to think you’d keep my memory alive,” his brother refused to hold Regulus’ stare. There was no changing his mind.
“What happened to waiting?” Regulus asked, annoyed. Sirius’ mouth hardened in a line, his eyes fixed on his socks.
“I have people… that need me. I can’t be with them anymore, mother will keep forcing my hand and father will support it. We know how those fights always end.”
Sirius’ eyes focused, landing on Regulus who had seen his brother’s follies end in curses and invisible scars. The wooden heart in a stone lady, their mother’s sense of justice ruled. Her heirs were precious and special things, her legacy she bore and reared. They sat impassively on either side of the long bed.
“Don’t you wish you could stay?” said Regulus
“I don’t,” the other boy said simply. Regulus felt his lip curl. Sirius stood, arms held up wide and nonthreatening.
“Not that I don’t— look it’s not like that. I just know what’s going to happen.” He spoke to Regulus with firm affection that hadn’t been there in years. Regulus realized Sirius would be expected to take on the Dark Mark soon, his seventeenth. He wouldn’t do it, he would rather die. It stung to realize Sirius hated what he was destined to become, denied something about him that was unchangeable for Regulus.
He felt that pain, knowing Sirius ultimately could never have belonged to their family, knowing that he, Regulus, would take the title of heir. No matter what he felt, he was born to replace his brother. He had the safety of his thoughts when there were portrait ears in every room. Sirius couldn’t be stifled and caged and trained. Sirius was bold, Regulus was not. For the first time he truly understood they were on a diverging path.
He had done all he could to preserve Sirius, kept him close in secret, took on the responsibility. Separating them. For Regulus, to act was to die. Sirius had grown tired of the static, of the malice. The night of their childhood was long and the day would come soon for his brother. Fear trickled down his spine, growing roots. He could only express his spite.
Sirius pursed his lips, something angry flickered behind his eyes, it was gone in another moment. He put his hands on his knees and stood up, sliding a hand through his hair as he coolly addressed Regulus.
“I am.” The door shut and Regulus could hear Sirius’ heavy footsteps make his way to his own room. The next day Sirius was gone.
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