Realised this is unlikely to be updated...I still write angst, but I've worked through a lot of my issues that drove me to the more hardcore stuff and I'm not so keen on it now. Take care fanders and best of luck.
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“We need someone who won’t get tired and is, yah know, neurotypical, to come with us,” Janus says.
AKA Janus making excuses to bring Logan along. (Yes I’m aware epilepsy can make you tired, Janus just wants to peer pressure his friend into not being a hermit)
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“Remy is reluctantly going home for Christmas, saying he’d prefer to stay and work, but his parents won’t let him. Janus criticises him, and Remy is like, oh fuck off.”
This was made back in 2020 lol. I actually want to redo this, cause it was gonna be part of a multichapter fic. And also as you’ll be able to see, it’s really not finished XD. I make no promises, but exploring a disabled au with more “realistic” angst is something I’m interested in. Just thought some of you might enjoy seeing where it started!
Also a note, disabled experiences aren’t inherently angst, but learning to accept new limitations, being diagnosed with difficult disorders, and sometimes just navigating life and symptoms can be “angst”. This is written by a chronically ill disabled person so just please be aware of that.
Anyways, only tw really is that Logan’s dealing with some internalized ableism.
Also, although I am autistic, I’m not non verbal, so before I write this into like, a full “thing”, I will be updating my research to be as accurate as possible.
Logan looks at the school with a look one could only describe as discomfort. He looks back at his parents.
“Do I have to go?” he asks bitterly.
“It’ll be good for you,” his mother says, “and it’s only for two years. After your A levels you’ll go off to a – normal – university.”
“Right.”
Logan doesn’t care to dwell on his mother’s words, and yet he can’t help it. Normal. Right, this school wasn’t normal. Neither were the people in it. People like him. He fiddles with the medical alert necklace around his neck, feeling the engraving, the cold metal.
“Well? What are you waiting for?” his father asks. “Go on in.”
Logan sighs, nods and walks into the building. He hears his parents drive away as he holds his bags close to his chest. He had to go to the office to meet his teacher and the school council president, or so he had been told.
He pulls out a map and inspects it carefully. He had colour coded it, so he could easily direct himself.
He gets to the office and knocks timidly, which felt so unnatural to him. He notices various accessibility things and feels uncertain. However, he enters on cue and sees Dr Sanders and Patton.
Patton is grinning widely, his uniform neat but his hair a mess. He has bright eyes, short dark dreads and beautiful dark skin. Logan is taken aback because Patton looks normal, and remembers he does as well.
“So, you’re Logan Surname?” Dr Sanders asks with a warm smile, “it’s a pleasure to meet you. Take a seat.”
Logan does so and listens carefully as Dr Sanders explains how the school works. He then directs him to Patton, saying he’ll show him to his dorm and help him out showing him around the school etc.
Patton then waves excitedly, eagerly stimming and making some kind of signs that Logan doesn’t recognise. Logan looks at Dr Sanders awkwardly, and Patton looks deflated.
“He’s non verbal. May I suggest you take some sign language classes here? We have a lot of students who use it, and it will be helpful for you.”
Logan nods slightly, turns back to Patton and smiles slightly.
“My apologies. I guess I’m still getting used to...this. Um, are you deaf? Ah, wait, I shouldn’t ask, sorry-”
Patton cuts him off by waving and showing him his medical id bracelet, which reads non verbal, autistic. Logan nods in understanding.
“My cousin is autistic. Um...I have epilepsy? And dyslexia...but it’s not too bad – um – I can read your-I’m sorry, I’m not usually like this.”
Patton waves him off and takes out his phone, quickly bringing up an app as the two walk outside. He types and it speaks.
“It’s ok. I’m guessing you’re new to being disabled?”
Logan feels uncomfortable with the word but nods.
“I was diagnosed with dyslexia when I was eight, but my epilepsy...” he trails off, not wanting to go into detail.
Patton stims, telling him it’s ok with his actions.
They go to the dorm and drop off Logan’s stuff.
Patton then shows Logan around the school, explaining bits like where classes are, and how everyone is expected to join a club. Logan asks about clubs.
“I’m in the school council! Oh but you know that. My friend Virgil is in both the debate team and the art club. But there’s musical clubs and art clubs and sports and all sorts!”
Patton appears to be about to tell him about all the clubs, but Logan stops him.
They compare schedules and Patton is disappointed they don’t share any classes, but tells him he knows some of his friends have those classes. Logan nods awkwardly, wondering if they’ll look normal.
Patton reminds him that he’ll need to start classes tomorrow, but not to worry, he’s not the only new one.
As if on cue, the twins come out, almost bumping in. Include something about them being latino somehow? They introduce themselves as Roman and Remus. Logan finds himself looking at Roman’s missing arm and leg, and upon noticing Roman is immediately uncomfortable.
Remus is annoyed at Logan, and Logan mentions to Patton that he’s surprised they’re both there, and is it genetic? Patton tells him that it’s personal, and not to go asking questions.
“They’ll tell you if they want to.”
Logan feels bad.
The next day Logan heads off to his Psychology class, where he meets Janus, Emile, Remy, and Remus again. He apologises to Remus, who seems ok but says it’s Roman he should apologise to. His speech is obviously not quite right – he repeats words at times, but Logan reminds himself to ignore it. It’s fine.
He’s surprised that both Remus and Emile appear “normal”, but is fascinated by Janus’ chair, and notices Remy’s cane and also that he obviously can’t see.
He goes about his day, has a project to do, and studies in the library where he’s joined by Patton and Janus. They chat and study together, and Logan looks at them, wondering if he’ll ever get used to it.
“So what are you studying?” Janus asks, obviously tired.
“Uh...psychology, physics, english literature and environmental studies...”
Patton grins and stims to show approval.
“Clever, hm? You must like science and shit.”
“Yeah, well...I wanted to be a surgeon.”
The words feel heavy in the air, and both Janus and Patton seem to understand. Logan flushes, a little shocked that he actually told them.
He ends up leaving them, not wanting to dwell on the matter. He bumps into Remy, who seems a bit stressed, but they don’t share words.
Logan falls asleep unsure of his future, thoughts running through his head until.
"It’s a little like looking into a funhouse mirror, but instead of a giant head, or, like, long legs and a tiny torso, it shows you ... everything you don’t want to be."
and I just think, what if it was reversed for Remus? Not to make it all angsty, but what if for him, it's like:
"it shows you... everything you wish you could've been."
It took me 3 months to make Guilty Tears. I made it mostly myself with the small help of two friends. I spent these 3 months writing, taking notes from Sanders Sides episodes, studying, making props, recording, learning new programs, drawing, and editing. I spend so much time on this series and I'm glad I did so.
I want to thank everyone who watched, thank all the people who send asks, the wonderful artist that made fanart, the amazing folks who made theories and analyses of the episodes. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, the support for the series has been incredible, I couldn't thank you all enough.
Guilty Tears is now over. I don't intend on uploading any new videos for this au, there are still secrets to discover and theories to be made, but I will leave that to you. Again, thank you for watching.
(And if you don't know what Guilty Tears is, you can find the explanation here, and the youtube videos here.)
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Warning: Unsympathetic Patton, Creepy Patton, Kidnapping, Threatens of Violence, Blood mentioned, Gas lighting, Implied death, Non-Con kiss on the cheek, I think that’s it, tell me if I need to add more PFF
Relationships: Toxic Royality If it can be called that
Insight: Patton Hart was his biggest fan and he couldn’t go another day without telling the one and only Roman Prince just how he felt! Patton just hoped Roman would like him… Even with all the rope holding him tight.
——————
His head was throbbing, a pained groan leaves his mouth as he begins to return to reality. When his eyes opened he was met with darkness, at first he began to panic, thinking that he had gone blind due to the blow to his head, but his anxiety washed away when the darkness was replaced with a bright light. “You’re awake! Oh, you have no idea how excited I am! I was scared that I had hit you too hard with the crowbar, but here you are! Awake and breathing!” A voice gushes, Roman forces his eyes to blink open, no matter how hard his throbbing head tried to protest against the idea. He blinks away the light spots that danced in his vision and sees a man standing in front of him.
If Roman was being honest, the man looked familiar, his light brown hair was a mess of curls falling over his forehead, his blue eyes shining bright, and freckles stood out on pale skin. Roman furrows his brows, where had he seen this man before? Why did his grey cat sweater look so familiar, even the blue shirt and brown slacks looked familiar to the singer! “Have… Have we met before?” Roman asks, his voice slurred from being hit in the head. The man’s smile drops for a moment before it quickly returns.
“Silly me! Of course you wouldn’t remember! I mean I did hit you hard enough to where your head would bleed, which I am so sorry for doing that! BUT! Anyways, I’m Patton Hart! Your biggest fan and your future husband!” The man exclaims bouncing on his toes, his arms wrapped firmly around his waist. Roman was afraid that if Patton had bounced anymore that he glasses would come tumbling off the happy man’s face.
“Wait… You’re the crazy fan that sent me a lock of their hair!” Roman exclaims, immediately regretting his choice of words. Patton’s smile falls, a scowl taking its place as he grabs Roman by the front of his shirt.
“I am not crazy! Sure, I see a therapist every other Friday, but that doesn’t make me crazy! I’m your biggest fan and future husband! I thought you were going to be nice!” Patton snaps, Roman gulps and leans away as best as he could.
“O-Okay, okay! I’m sorry, you’re not crazy, y-you just, really care about me! T-That’s it isn’t it? Y-You care?” Roman asks, trying to deescalate the situation. Patton’s smile returns, his harsh hold turned into a bone crushing hug as he wrapped his arms around Roman, well Roman and the chair he was tied to.
“I do care about you! I love you so much, my therapist says it’s not love, but what does he know! He lives alone with six cats!” Patton chuckles, Roman forces himself to laugh along, surely he could play along until he was reported missing and found, because there was no way his manager would let him stay missing.
“PAY ATTENTION!” Patton screams as he jerks Roman’s head back by his red hair, forcing a pained yelp to leave the singers mouth.
“I-I’m sorry! W-What were you saying?” Roman stammers, Patton huffs and slowly trails his fingers along the singers jaw.
“I was asking you to sing for me, you have a pretty voice and I love it. That’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you, I don’t normally fall this hard, but I feel like we have a real connection, do you feel it too?” Patton asks, Roman blinks this guy sure does a one eighty with his emotions.
“I… I um… I-I’m sorry but I don’t think I can sing! S-See, I’ve been sick lately and…” Roman trails off once he notices the black look that had fallen over Patton’s face, the light that lit whatever room they were in reflecting off of his glasses.
“I do not appreciate liars, you were singing just fine last night. The great Roman Prince never gets sick, don’t you remember saying that? You said that on June 5th, 2017 during an interview with Logan Berry, I only know that because I never miss one of his podcasts especially when its with you.” Patton mumbles as he leans his face close to Roman’s, blue eyes staring directly into frightened brown ones.
“I… I did s-say that didn’t I? Silly me! I um… W-What would you like for me to sing, mi amor?” Roman asks, flashing Patton a small smile. The bespectacled man returns the smile as he stands up straight once more, clapping his hands together.
“I love your original music, but I adore your Disney covers the most! Can you please sing Love Is An Open Door, from Frozen? Pretty please! Its one of my favorite movies!” Patton says as he bounces on his toes again, Roman swallows thickly and smiles.
“A-Anything for you, my dear,” Roman would learn to regret singing for Patton.
“No! That’s not right! Its sandwiches, not sentences, I thought you liked Disney!”
“Stop messing up on Hans’ part! I don’t care if you don’t like him I do! You’re singing for me!”
“O-Ow! W-Why did you hit me!?” Roman exclaims, he was almost finished with the song when Patton had smacked him in the mouth, he could taste blood, he didn’t realize that Patton had hit him that hard.
“Because you deserved it! If you’re going to be my husband one day then you’re going to have to listen and do as I say! If I like Hans then you sing his parts right! I’ve gone through so much trouble for you and even patched you up! Why can’t you just sing for me right!” Patton cries, Roman narrows his eyes, he may regret this but he was tired of playing the scared victim.
“I’m not going to be your husband! You’re delusional, once my manager realizes that I’m missing then you’re going to be sorry!” Roman snaps, Patton blinks slowly and smiles wide, any confidence that Roman had was now gone.
“That’s what you think, your manager is meeting Ariel and all of her little fishy friends right now! So, I doubt he’ll be an issue, so you know what that means my dear prince?” Patton asks as he leans close to Roman’s face again, the singer gulps and leans his head back.
“You’re not going to be found, because no one is going to be looking for you! Because only I care about you because I love you so much…” Patton murmurs as he trails his thumb across Roman’s still bleeding a swollen lip. Roman shudders when Patton licks the blood from his thumb.
“Now, you’re going to sing to me again, and you better do it right. The best part is, that you’re going to sing for me and only me, from now on! And if you don’t or if you mess up, then I have a fun way to never make you sing again!” Patton exclaims as he makes a slashing motion across his throat, all of the color drains from Roman’s face as Patton places a quick kiss on his cheek.
“But it won’t come to that! Because you’re going to be a good husband and sing for me, right?”
"Please, don't leave me alone." With...Roman and Remus ^.^
"Please, don't leave me alone." Creativitwins Angst
------------------------
The smell of burning plastic is the first thing Roman notices when he comes to. The second thing he notices is the sound of Remus crying to the right to him. A groan leaves his mouth as he slowly blinks his blue eyes open, his world literally flipped upside down at the moment.
"R-Ree? Ree, what happened?" Roman asks.
It was so hard for Roman to breathe, it felt as if his whole chest has been caved in.
"R-Ro! Roman, shit you're awake! L-Look I... W-We wrecked, but it's going to be alright, okay? H-Help is coming it's going to be okay."
Roman's not sure how his brother sounds so near and yet so far away. Was Remus, okay? How did they wreck?
"The car swerved over into our lane, b-but it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay," Remus promises.
Roman furrows his brows, why did he say you're instead of we're?
The sounds of sirens and horns blare in the distance, Roman forces himself to look at his brother, for a moment it looks as if Remus doesn't even have a scratch on him.
"P-Please... don't leave me alone..." Roman whispers.
He could feel the edges of his vision going black, the last thing Roman feels is the cool touch of his brother's hand as Remus places it upon his cheek.
"Never in a million years, Ro-Bro..."
Roman wakes with a start, grimacing in pain and immediately regretting waking up so violently.
"Oh, thank heavens you're awake!"
He looks over and sees his friend Patton, he takes a moment to take in his surroundings.
"W-Where?" Roman asks.
"The hospital... Do... Do you remember what happened, kiddo?"
Roman chews his lip in thought, he and Remus were driving home from Patton's. They were having another one of their debates on whether Dreamworks was better than Disney and then...
"W-Where's Ree?"
The way Patton's face falls tells Roman all he needs to know, but hearing it makes it all the more real.
"Oh... Roman... He didn't make it, doctors said he died instantly...I-I'm so sorry, kiddo..."
Roman could feel his tears flowing, 'Now I know why he said you're...'
Btw, I realised I wrote Patton’s age wrong previously on here - guy is meant to be 16. He’s not in this chapter though.
Anyways!
Trigger Warnings: Military, paranoia, mild body horror, past death, mentions of violence and gore, brief mention of eye gore, food mentions, mention of eating cats (but uh, it isn’t real)
I’m using this rpg to write this, which is exciting!! - https://litzabronwyn.itch.io/bloom
Content warnings: Illness, Medical stuff, Disappearances, Dangerous Situations, Implied Character Death (Past), Mentions of (Unintentional) Weight Loss
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It's been forever since I updated anything, and I feel bad for abandoning you all, so uh...quick explanation time.
Basically my health has gone very down hill as of late. The joints in my hands started playing up, and then I developed serious stomach problems, and I still don't know why. As a result of my stomach problems I'm also currently unable to take my medication effectively, which means mt mental health isn't great which impacts my productivity and writing.
I'm really hoping to write more for this fandom - hopefully better too, as I feel I have more understanding of writing these days. But for now it's not in the cards I'm afraid.
Hopefully see you soon, guys gals and non binary pals...peace out!
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