If only youd know what loving you feels like

Discoholic 🪩

⁂
wallacepolsom
$LAYYYTER
i don't do bad sauce passes

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
we're not kids anymore.
Sade Olutola
Show & Tell

tannertan36
KIROKAZE

PR's Tumblrdome
h
Cosmic Funnies
Three Goblin Art
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

izzy's playlists!
YOU ARE THE REASON

seen from Spain

seen from Australia

seen from United States
seen from Israel
seen from Indonesia
seen from Malaysia

seen from Malaysia

seen from United Kingdom
seen from Greece

seen from Romania
seen from Türkiye

seen from Hong Kong SAR China

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States

seen from Malaysia

seen from United Kingdom

seen from Malaysia
seen from Israel

seen from Brazil

seen from Albania
@something-please
If only youd know what loving you feels like

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
So you know how soulmates are supposed to be like your other half? Platonic or romantic. Its your other piece of mind, of your heart. You’re not full until they’re there. Imagine knowing how that feels, how embracing it in every pleasurable way possible senses. And then losing it. You lose half of yourself. Literally. You can never be alone because theres always something missing. Always something wrong. Always never enough. Always longing for that something euphoric. Craving for that captivating feeling that absorbs everything negative around you. It never happens until you catch yourself remembering a glimpse of their voice, their eyes, their mind. But soon you start to forget. It starts becoming unbearable. You can no longer tolerate life. You unconsciously wish they were there and they never are. You know i think once a soul finds and choses to attach itself to another person, they can never fully surrender to someone else. Love rips into helplessness and pity and drugs and alcohol and anything that makes you forget for that brief flash of a moment. It becomes selfish. You grasp onto anything that comes even insignificantly close to the sensibility of what feeling embodied by someone else’s soul feels like. You can never know true excruciating pain until your actual soul rips from you. It becomes physical. Tired eyes and empty lungs make their way to your stomach abusing anything free inside of you. You become run out. Dull, grey, anaesthised, paralysed, blunt, immobile. How could i ever truly exist again, whilst knowing what loving you feels like? Lifetimes pass unknowingly and you just wait in agonising sorrow not knowing when, where, how it’ll end. I don’t think it’s fair of god or whoever is controlling this misery of a life to do this to someone. I truly don’t think i’ll ever be present again. I’m pretty much gone.
I was letting go, but then I remembered that another option exists. I can write you, apologise, say something like “i wont do this again”. But it wont change anything. I lost you. We can never have what we once did. I can never undo it.
You know for a moment i let you go. I let myself forget, i let myself smile around people that are not you. They dont deserve it. Only you deserve to see my genuine happiness. You never really needed it because thats all you knew. Whenever i was around you i felt safe, happy, calm, at peace, fuck it just might’ve been home.
And i screwed up. I fucked it all up. Im sorry
Parents
If they never cared about your mental health, they never checked up on you, never tried to help and always brushed your problems off, they wont start caring if they see your scars or if you tell them you want to die. Shit doesnt help. Im sorry but youll have to bear through your life without them.
"Just cry" they said
"Its okay to let it all out by crying"
I'd cry. Cry an ocean full. But i can't. I think something is broken in me, that wont let the tears run. Am i numb? Do i even feel anything? Maybe im not worth the salty tears. Maybe im not sad enough to cry. Maybe that's it. Maybe there's nothing left...

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Ana
Friend: you know no one can actually sit and have no belly rolls
Me: well what about these girls in pictures?
Friend: they’re not healthy
Me: well maybe I don’t want to be fucking healthy then
I miss you
I had a dream of you today. You had come back and apologised. You said you were away and weren’t able to contact me. You told me you missed me so much. I truly believed you. Somehow.
This whole day, all i thought of was you and that dream. One wish was that the dream had been reality. The other, that i never woke up. That i stayed with you there forever.
As i was going through the city, i saw your face in every crowd. Or at least i wished i have.
You’re still in mind and i really wish you’d just leave.
Confusion
Being on your period and having mental disorders is so confusing. Is my depression acting up or are my period emotions hitting harder than usual?
Cutting
I never counted how long i lasted without self harm. At first, i just didnt think of it as a big deal and knew, that I’d stop. Now I don’t count because i know that I won’t stop.
Break up
Everyone laughs at break ups, says that its not a big deal, that its stupid to cry over.
Its really a serious thing. It can develop so much bad habits and fuck so many things up.
You might think that you’re not good enough, that develops into eating disorders and self hate.
You might think that everyones better off without you, that develops self harm and suicidal thoughts.
Break ups are not a funny thing. Don’t take it for granted.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Locked
I locked myself away and buried the key. You found it and i really thought that you’d set me free, but you locked me ten times more and destroyed the key completely. I am now surely certain that I’m forever to be lonely.
But if they atleast pretend, doesn’t it mean that they care atleast a bit?
don’t tell me to fucking go back to sleep
that means there’s something you’re
trying to hide , my god
this house reeks of Shame .
misunderstanding , & careless steps .
aren’t we a family ?
go through things together , make it
Better ? tell me you know what abuse is
is it not the sound of crying children -
i fucking hate you
let us out , we want to go home .
If you’re weak and you know it clap your hands
👏👏
If you’re weak and you know it clap your hands
👏👏
If you’re weak and you know it but don’t really wanna show it, if youre weak and you know it clap your hands
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
How can I ever believe a compliment when all I see is how horrible I truly am.
Two earphones in, yet only one side working.
I try to conceal all the world sounds, because I can’t seem to deal with all the notification buzzes, loud cars driving past or the screams of my mom in the kitchen, because apparently someone didn’t wash their cup.
Im tired of the never ending routine. Yet if something goes out of it, my mind will be filled by questions, that I’ll never have the answers to, and as chaotic as it seems, its calming, because i now see it as my routine.
It seems as if my brain has two dilemic sides. One that wants the chocolate chip cookie, and the other that only sees the disgusting 144 calories. The one that sees beauty, hope and a reason to live in literally anything, and the other that stays up at night, wishing to be dead my morning.
I want to achieve the joy of breathing, living and existing, but now, i just wish i wasn’t alive at all.
It all seems normal by now, because planning my suicide has now become my routine. Thinking of how many days I’ll go without food, has now become my routine. Force purging those fucking 144 calories has now become my routine.
I find it scary, yet so incredibly common and normal.
This is not okay...