#falling apart

🎎 Masterlist

⚈ Prologue; ⚈ Chapter I; ⚈ Chapter II; ⚈ Chapter III; ⚈ Chapter IV; ⚈ Chapter V; ⚆ Chapter VI; ⚆ Chapter VII; ⚆ Chapter VIII; ⚆ ...

🎏CHAPTER V

Scattered memories of blades sliding against each other, blood staining the ground and grunts of fight stirred Qin Che awake.

Blinking his eyes open, the blurred vision of his tent welcomed him and right after a sharp pain across his torso stole his breath away. 

“Do not move. You’re still recovering.”

A stranger’s voice warned him and then its face hovered above him -a face that he had never seen before, and put him on edge.

“Who are you?”

His voice came out like a hoarse whisper, so feeble that it didn’t seem even his own, but at least the hostility in his tone made the stranger step back with raised hands.

“I’m a healer. Lady Pei brought me here to tend after you.”

Qin Che frowned at that, struggling to understand the given explanation because it was impossible.

Was he still dreaming?

How could she find out what had happened in the battlefield if-

“Caw caw!”

The crow’s wings fluttered enthusiastically as it flew down on the ground and hopped above his bedding, looking at him with its pitch-black, round eyes. 

He stared at the loyal animal and remembered the last time he saw it -lying on a puddle of dirt and blood, limbs growing numb and eyelids heavy as her name left his lips.

It had been an irrational slip-up but he realised that the crow might had interpreted it as an order instead.

“You can’t move yet-”

The healer protested once again as Qin Che abruptly attempted to raise from the bedding, his muscles burning from the exertion and giving up on him. Nevertheless, he pushed away those hands that reached out to guide him down and lifted himself up, groaning in pain, while the crow cawed loudly and took its escape from his tent.

“Where is she?”

“You should avoid straining yourself. You still need to recover-”

“Where is she!?”

The commotion caught the attention from outside and before he could physically attempt to challenge the healer, a familiar figure stepped inside the tent.

“I’m here, Master Qin.”

Her calmness stopped him from his half-crouched position and his crimson eyes met hers immediately. His eyebrows furrowed as he noticed her different clothes -not soft tinted silks draping loosely over her curves, but a tactical attire of his kept firm on her liner body by leather belts.

With a firm gentleness, she supported him by his arms and helped him sit up. Qin Che could only let out a heavy sigh as he leaned back on pillows that hadn’t been there before.

“What-”

“I came to offer assistance,” she answered his question while she gestured for the healer to leave them alone, and then she knelt by his side. 

He stared at her as he breathed heavily, those few movements had been enough to tire him out already... even if he had been ready to do anything to go find her. But now she was right there, at arm’s reach, and his mind was struggling to fill the gaps of his own memory.

“Those are mine…” he mumbled, his fingers brushing along the hem of the tactical attire she was wearing.

“My apologies. My wardrobe wasn’t fitting for this kind of situation.” She replied, as if it was a normal occurrence for her to be in the trenches.

“I left you at the estate.” He reminded them both that she shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

And Lady Pei lowered her gaze at that, nodding in agreement. She looked guilty but not sorry for what she had done, leaving everything to be by his side again.

Unexpectedly, her hand moved from her lap and took his, her thumb trembled slightly as it ran over his jade ring.

Her skin was soft and warm against his, and Qin Che froze at the touch but he didn’t sear it. Forcing himself to not glance down at her numbly fingers cradling his rougher ones with sheepish care, he stared at her face and waited for an explanation.

After a beat, she began talking and told him what had happened during his slumber. His bloodied jade ring received from the crow, the trip to reach the battlefield, the nights spent at his bedding to look after his unconscious state…  She told him everything, and he listened in attentive silence.

His fingers remained lax in her gentle hold until she revealed that she had met the mercenary commander and that she had even led his armies against the stubborn men of the company that had put resistance in the borders.

“You…”

Anger burned inside his veins at the thought of the danger she had thrown herself in. 

“You do not have an idea of what you’ve done.” He scolded her, his tone low and serious, as he gripped her hand and squeezed it firmly.

She gasped in surprise but instead of tugging her hand away, squeezed his back with all the strength she had.

“I did what was necessary to restore order.” She stubbornly stood her ground.

And Qin Che huffed in frustration, letting her go.

“Change your clothes. Go back to the estate.”

“What…? But I already handled it. I can still-”

She blinked, stunned, and scrambled to find a valid reason to persuade him. But he had already taken the decision.

“Now.”

He commanded with finality and even if something dark flashed into her eyes, something looking uncomfortably familiar to disappointment... He didn’t take his words back.

Qin Che watched her clench her jaw shut and turn away from him. She left his tent without looking back once, and an heavy silence settled in.

Staring at the tent’s entrance, his hand curled into a fist so tight that his barely healed knuckles started to bleed again.

He had to do it.

He couldn’t have her there with him.

So when the healer visited him for one last time, Qin Che told them to go with her and return to their place as well.

He didn’t need any assistance.

He could take care of everything by himself.

He ignored the pain of his injuries and the sense of guilt churning at his guts, and he planned to face his armies his armies with the stubborn defiance of a man who wouldn’t ever surrender to death. 

But he found out that the weapons had been set aside for tankards filled to the brim with wine, the surrounding territories had been already secured, and the people had returned safely to their homes.

“Ma’am had followed through with your plans, Master. Her diplomacy and steel-willpower had defeated the enemies and assured our victory.”

His most trusted man explained to him while Qin Che looked at what she had done during his convalescence. 

He loathed the pride that threatened to swell inside his chest because even if everything had ended well, it didn’t change the fact that she had been reckless with this.

Just out of spite, to consolidate his importance in the battlefield, he allowed his soldiers to celebrate for the night before programming a new expedition in the properties of nobody. There were people past the borders that defied even the royal rules to live as they wanted.

He didn’t bring blood and death, though. There was no use to force obedience on those who weren't accustomed to norms. Instead, he befriended their unpredictable nature with deals that advantaged both parties. Because if the rebels or mercenaries dared to return again in the future, these kind of people would be the unexpected trap that would prevent them to bring chaos into his protected territories. 

This allowed him to miss from the estate another month.

And during that time, he didn’t receive any letter from her again.

The crow only brought him coded messages where she gave him the full decision-control of the Onychinus’ whereabouts.

Her pettiness was quite amusing, so Qin Che let her be. After all, he already had a stash of her letters where her tone had been more gentle, showing a subtle concern that she seemed to deny right now.

He recognised that she was right to decline him like this, though.

He had been harsh like never before with her.

He deserved such treatment.

But it stung more than he was willing to admit, returning home and finding only his guards and servants to welcome him back after having been so long away.

Her declinations to join him in the studio to work irritated him to no end. Because he could tell that this kind of avoidance was different from the carefulness she had had in the very first days as his wife.

She was deliberately ignoring him. 

And this tested his patience each day of silence passing between them.

The servitude noticed the sudden coldness between them and had tried to bring their Master closer to his wife with tea's invitations or casually guiding one to pass by a room the other was in first... but their efforts were completely useless.

Qin Che stopped asking about her and trying to involve her like he did before. Even if his gaze had the bad habit of glancing at his side, used to see her standing there.

Lady Pei refused any responsibility she had been working so diligently for this whole time, purposely avoiding any kind of situation that could put her in the same room with him. She even began to retreat in their chambers to fall asleep without waiting for him to join her in bed.

But he wouldn’t ever bend to an offended princess’ whims.

Pretending she hadn't been there in the first place, Qin Che returned to his routine in the estate and kept things going while he recovered fully from his battlefield injuries.

It had left an ugly scar across his torso, but he didn’t care about aesthetics. What made his mood sour was glancing at that scar and reminding the almost-fatal fight in the trenches, what could’ve happened differently... and he hated it.

One afternoon, after a light training session, he went to the hot spring and sank into the warm water hoping to unwind some lingering tension from his muscles.

The bathhouse was wrapped in a pleasant silence. Steam drifted lazily above the surface of the spring, softening the edges of the dark stone walls and turning the lantern light into a golden haze. Somewhere nearby, water spilled from a carved fountain and splashed into the pool with a steady rhythm.

Heat seeped into his skin and settled deep into his bones. For the first time in weeks, the ache of healing wounds and overworked muscles eased its grip on him.

His arms draped lazily across the smooth stone edge and his eyes fluttered shut. Taking slow breaths, he let himself sink deeper into the warmth, allowing his thoughts to drift away one after another.

But after a while, the faint echo of footsteps approaching stirred him from his almost drowsy state.

He didn’t blink his eyes open, though.

Curious to know what would happen, he pretended to be asleep and let her lean closer…

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