Soft Boy
Pairing: Emilia Harcourt x Ace! Male! Reader
Summary: Working alongside Checkmate’s most chaotic team is enough to drain anyone's patience. Being a gentle, asexual mediator who is constantly misread by everyone makes it even harder. But when an unexpected quiet forms between you and Emilia Harcourt, a raw confrontation forces both of you to redefine what intimacy, respect, and softness actually mean.
Warnings: Violence, bar fights, unwished flirting, pet names, drinking, themes of harassment/unwanted advances, explicit language; probably an one-shot
I’ve always believed that kindness isn’t something you run out of. It’s supposed to be an endless well—you keep drawing from it because people need it, because the world is sharp enough already, and because somebody has to be the buffer before everyone destroys each other.
---
But tonight, my well is completely dry.
The mission was a total trainwreck. Between Peacemaker measuring his dick against Vigilante’s every five minutes and Adebayo trying desperately to keep her head above water, I spent eight straight hours playing human shock-absorber. Mediating arguments, ducking stray gunfire, fixing mistakes that weren’t mine, and taking the brunt of everyone's foul mood just to keep the team from tearing itself apart from the inside. They don’t even notice they do it. People like them are so used to gentle people taking their hits that they treat us like padded walls.
I didn't want to go back to the safehouse. I couldn't. So, I walked into a dim, sticky-floored dive bar three blocks away, hoping to disappear into the hum of cheap neon lights and a quiet drink.
Then I saw Harcourt.
She was sitting alone at the counter, hunched over a glass of bourbon. Even from behind, she radiated raw hostility—muscles tense, sharp shoulders squared, ready to break a jaw at a second's notice. And predictable as clockwork, two drunken guys were leaning over her stool, completely oblivious to the fact that they were flirting with a loaded gun.
I watched as one of them tried to put a hand on her shoulder. I saw Harcourt’s right hand slide under the edge of the bar, her knuckles turning white. She was about to put him through the drywall. And under normal circumstances, I’d say he earned it. But if she pulled a stunt like that tonight, Waller’s people would be down our necks, the cops would be involved, and our entire cover would blow sky-high. I’d be the one forced to clean up the blood and write the incident reports at 3:00 AM.
I took a slow, heavy breath, picked up my glass, and stepped in.
"Hey! Sorry I took so long in the bathroom, babe," I called out, my voice smooth, cheerful, and entirely fake as I approached the bar.
The two guys blinked, startled, looking over at me. Harcourt froze, her head snapping around with a glare that could have melted steel.
"Table’s ready," I said, giving the guys a polite, tight-lipped smile as I placed a firm, protective hand near Harcourt’s waist—close enough to look like a partner, but without actually touching her. "Appreciate you keeping her company, guys. We’ve had a long night."
The men grumbled something under their breath, sized me up, and finally wandered off toward the pool tables.
Harcourt didn't move for three long seconds. Then, she grabbed her glass, stood up, and followed me over to a shadowy booth in the corner. The second she slid into the vinyl seat across from me, the venom spewed out.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Y/N?" she hissed, her voice low and sharp as a razor. "I don't need a fucking white knight. I had that handled. Next time you try playing hero, I'll break your damn arm."
She was waiting for me to apologize. She was waiting for me to shrink back, to give her that soft, gentle, hurt look everyone usually gave her when she bared her teeth. She wanted a fight. She wanted to hurt someone because she was just as stressed as the rest of us, and I was the easiest, safest target.
Instead of reacting, I just sat there, my hands resting on the sticky table, and looked at her.
I looked at the dark circles under her eyes. The tight, exhausted line of her mouth. The sheer, defensive armor she wore every single second of the day because she didn't know how to exist without it. I felt a pang of deep, quiet empathy for her. I truly did.
But I was so, so tired.
"Are you done?" I asked quietly.
"No, I'm not fucking done," she spat, leaning forward, her blue eyes icy and mean. "You think because you're nice to everyone that you get to step in my space? You're weak. You let everyone walk all over you, and now you want to pretend you're my boyfriend just to prove a point? What, you think that gets you something?"
She was pushing. Waiting for the wall to give way.
I set my glass down with a soft, deliberate clink. I looked her dead in the eye, dropping every trace of the warm, accommodating smile I usually wore for the team.
"I don't want to fuck you, Harcourt," I said, my voice deadpan, completely flat, and echoing with absolute exhaustion. "I just want to have a fucking drink without anyone screaming near me."
Silence hit the booth like a physical blow.
Harcourt actually blinked. Her mouth opened slightly, then closed. The sharp, arrogant bite in her posture evaporated for a fraction of a second, replaced by pure, unadulterated shock.
I didn't curse. I didn't raise my voice. I was the guy who brought coffee to the briefing room, the guy who checked on everyone’s bandages, the guy who smiled when Peacemaker shoved me out of the way. I was the soft one.
And I had just told her off without an ounce of fear or anger—just cold, uncompromising exhaustion.
I took a slow sip of my drink, the ice clinking against the glass. I didn't look away from her, but my posture relaxed back against the vinyl seat. I hadn't said it to hurt her. I said it because it was the truth, and I didn't have the energy to wrap the truth in bubble wrap tonight.
Harcourt stared at me for a long moment, scanning my face as if trying to find the catch, searching for the crack in the facade. But all she found was a man who was simply out of patience, setting a line in the sand.
Slowly, the defensive scowl on her face softened—not into something kind, but into something much rarer for Emilia Harcourt.
Respect.
She leaned back in her seat, picking up her bourbon. She didn't offer a fake apology, and she didn't say another word. She just took a long drink, set her glass down, and looked out toward the bar, leaving a quiet, heavy space between us.
For the first time all day, nobody was fighting. Nobody was yelling. We just sat there together in the dark booth, two completely broken people sharing a drink in the silence we both desperately needed.
---
From that night on, drinking in silence became our unspoken ritual. After exhausting, blood-soaked days, we’d find whatever dive bar was closest. We didn't talk. We didn't need to. I’d quietly step in and wave off any clueless guys trying to corner her, and in return, she offered a rare, peaceful silence that I desperately needed.
Until the night we walked into a dimly lit, heavy-leather lesbian bar down near the docks.
We took a table in the back like always. But it didn't take long for a group of broad, muscular women in leather vests to notice us. They could tell Harcourt and I weren't talking, and they certainly didn't buy that we were a couple.
Three of them approached our booth, practically towering over us. Their focus was entirely on Harcourt, but they treated me like a piece of fragile glass standing in their way.
"Hey, princess," one of them—a burly woman with shaved sides and arms thicker than my thighs—snarled at me, leaning over the table. "Why don't you take your delicate little self home and let the lady hang out with real women?"
I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "Look, we're together. We just want to have a quiet drink, okay? We aren't looking for trouble."
"You 'with' her?" Another one laughed, shoving my shoulder roughly. "You look like you'd break if the wind blew too hard. Move it, soft boy."
"I'm serious, please, just leave us—"
A heavy fist cracked right across my jaw. The sheer force snapped my head back, my chair scraping violently against the floor as pain exploded across my face. I sat there in complete shock, hand pressing against my swelling cheek. I was an intelligence officer; I talked people down. I didn't get punched in dive bars.
Across the table, Harcourt was staring at me in absolute disbelief. She couldn't fathom why I was still trying to be polite to people who were actively assaulting me.
"Unbelievable," she muttered under her breath.
Then, she exploded.
Harcourt surged out of her seat, grabbing a glass mug and shattering it against the side of the woman who had hit me. Blood, beer, and chaos erupted instantly. She slammed one woman’s face into the wooden table and threw a brutal elbow into the stomach of another. She was a tornado of violent efficiency, fighting off four women at once.
I shook off the dizziness, still dazed, watching her tear through the bar. But when one of the larger women pulled a pocketknife and moved toward Harcourt’s exposed side, my instincts overrode my shock.
I scrambled up, grabbed a wooden barstool, and smashed it over the woman's back, effectively covering Harcourt's blind spot. Harcourt threw me a quick, approving glance through the brawl, and for the next three minutes, we fought shoulder-to-shoulder in complete, kinetic madness.
By the time the bouncers threw us out into the rain-slicked alleyways, we were both gasping for air, bleeding, and utterly battered.
I slumped against the brick wall, wiping a smear of blood from my lip, my body aching everywhere. Beside me, Harcourt slid down the wall to a sit. And then, surprisingly, a sound came out of her.
She was laughing. A real, breathless, raspy laugh.
"You're a fucking idiot, Y/N," she panted, shaking her head. "Trying to reason with them."
"I don't get it," I wheezed, leaning my head back against the cold bricks. "I really don't. Gay guys are always coming up to me calling me a 'bottom material' or a 'soft boy,' and now these women treat me like I'm made of glass. Why does everyone instantly label me as delicate the second I'm just… nice?"
Harcourt stopped laughing. She turned her head, looking at me like I had two heads. "Are you serious? You honestly don't get why people look at a guy who acts like a sensitive, soft-spoken pushover and make assumptions?"
"No," I admitted quietly, looking up at the cloudy night sky. "I just… I don't think about that stuff. Any of it, really. So I always get confused when people make assumptions like that."
Harcourt went dead quiet.
She stared at my face—at the absolute, simple sincerity in my eyes. I didn't talk about women. I didn't talk about men. I didn't make crude jokes with Peacemaker, and I never tried to flirt with anyone at the bars. It hit her all at once, the puzzle pieces clicking into place in her pragmatic, analytical brain.
I was asexual.
There were no ulterior motives. My kindness wasn't a play to get into anyone's pants. I didn't want anything from her, or anyone else, other than a quiet space to exist.
She let out a quiet hum, her sharp blue eyes softening just a fraction. "Right. Yeah. Makes sense."
The next morning at the Checkmate briefing room, the atmosphere was as loud and obnoxious as usual. I sat at the edge of the central table, holding an ice pack to my bruised jaw and sipping my morning tea, keeping my head down.
Across the room, Harcourt was staring intensely at her phone screen, typing furiously.
"Hey, Harcourt, what are you looking at?" Adebayo asked, walking over with a box of donuts. She leaned over Harcourt's shoulder to peak at the screen. "Wait… 'Asexuality spectrum definition and behavioral traits'? What is this?"
Harcourt instantly slammed her phone face-down on the desk. "Nothing. Mind your own fucking business, Adebayo."
"Oho!" Adrian materialized out of nowhere, leaning over the back of Harcourt’s chair with a terrifyingly wide grin. "Is someone on the team a broken ken doll? Are we investigating a suspect who doesn't like the dirty-dick dance? Because I read a blog about that once! They say those people are either angels or secret assassin robots. Are you an assassin robot, Harcourt?"
"Shut the fuck up, Adrian, before I staple your lips together," Harcourt growled, her face turning slightly red—a rare sight.
"Come on, Emilia," Adebayo pressed, glancing around the room. "Why are you researching that? Do you know someone who’s ace?"
Harcourt’s eyes darted around frantically, avoiding my corner of the room with absolute, desperate determination. She would rather take a bullet than admit she was trying to understand a teammate better out of genuine concern.
"I said drop it!" Harcourt barked, slamming her hand on the table, standing up so fast her chair screeched. "It's for an old case profile! Focus on the mission, you idiots!"
From my seat, hidden behind my mug of tea, I felt a soft warmth spread through my chest. I didn't say a word. I didn't call her out, and I didn't offer an explanation to the rest of the room.
I just hid my smile behind my cup, took a slow sip, and let Emilia Harcourt protect my peace for a change.
---
After that morning, the silence between Harcourt and me shifted. It was no longer just an armed truce against the rest of the world’s noise—it became an active space of curiosity.
She didn't change her personality overnight. She was still sharp-tongued, still drank her bourbon straight, and still looked like she was two seconds away from breaking a chair over Peacemaker’s head whenever he opened his mouth. But during our late-night bar runs, she started asking questions.
It started small, buried between long sips of cheap liquor.
"So, you’ve really never been with anyone?" she asked one night, staring straight ahead at the neon beer signs above the bar counter. "Not even in college or high school?"
"Nope," I replied easygoing, swirling the ice in my soda. "Never felt the urge. People kept waiting for me to 'come out of my shell,' but there was no shell. I just liked being around people without needing to pull them into a bedroom."
Harcourt scoffed, though there was no malice in it. "You know, back at our old agency, people talked about you constantly. Men, women… I heard at least half a dozen agents complaining because they tried pulling you into a supply closet and you just offered them a juice box and asked if they were feeling overwhelmed."
I couldn't help but laugh out loud, rubbing the back of my neck. "Oh, God. I remember that. Agent Vance, right? He looked so stressed that day! I thought he was having a panic attack."
"He was trying to hit on you, you idiot," Harcourt muttered, a faint smirk tugging at her lips before her tone grew thoughtful. "People had all kinds of crazy theories about you. Secret operative with a tragic backstory, deeply repressed religious guilt, a spy under deep cover… I just thought you were fucking boring."
"Honestly? That's fair," I smiled warmly, looking at her. "I probably am pretty boring by agency standards. But I like my life. I love being a good friend to people. I get a lot of genuine satisfaction out of just… being a safe place for someone who needs one."
Harcourt went quiet at that. She didn't look at me, but I saw the slight tension leave her shoulders.
What I didn't realize was the storm brewing inside her head.
For Emilia Harcourt, the world was simple: it was built on violence, utility, and physical dominance. If she wanted to exert control, she fought. If she wanted temporary relief, she used her body. She was pragmatic, physical, and emotionally guarded behind steel walls. She knew how men looked at her. She was used to being objectified, and she used that to her advantage, meeting physical desire with cold detachment.
But me? I didn't want her body. I didn't want to conquer her, control her, or sleep with her. I just wanted her to be okay.
And that broke her fucking brain.
Over the next few weeks, I watched her enter an absolute internal crisis, though she tried her best to hide it behind extra swearing and stiffer drinks. She was falling for me—hard—and she had zero clue what to do with those feelings. Her entire playbook was useless. She couldn't seduce me, she couldn't fight me, and she couldn't use her usual blunt, physical charm. For the first time in her life, she had to navigate a connection that required emotional vulnerability, and it terrified her.
She tried to show affection in the only clumsy, aggressive ways she knew how. She’d brutally threaten anyone who talked down to me during debriefs. She’d shove a cup of coffee onto my desk without a word, glaring at me as if daring me to drink it. Once, when she noticed my favorite jacket was torn after a raid, she took it without asking and clumsily patched it up herself—cursing up a storm when she pricked her finger with the needle.
I just accepted every gesture with a gentle, appreciative smile, entirely oblivious to the romantic panic wrecking her mind. To me, we were just becoming best friends.
The turning point came three weeks later, after a disastrous tactical raid in an abandoned warehouse district.
It had gone south fast. A rogue splinter cell had pinned us down, and Harcourt had taken a brutal grazing shot to her shoulder along with a couple of cracked ribs from a heavy-caliber blast. By the time we cleared the zone and dragged ourselves back to the secondary safehouse, she was pale, bleeding, and practically radiating pure rage at her own weakness.
She slammed herself onto the edge of the medical table in the back room, breathing heavily, her jaw clenched so tight I thought her teeth might shatter.
"Get out," she spat at Adebayo, who was trying to open the first-aid kit. "I'll do it myself."
"Emilia, you can barely reach your own shoulder—"
"I said get the fuck out!" she barked.
Adebayo looked at me helplessly. I gave her a reassuring nod, taking the medical kit from her hands. "I've got it, Leota. Go prep the transport."
Once the door clicked shut, the silence returned. Harcourt was glaring at the floor, her hands trembling slightly from adrenaline and shock. She braced herself, expecting me to lecture her or tell her to calm down.
Instead, I just moved a stool over, sat down quietly beside her, and opened the disinfectant.
"This is going to sting," I said softly, my voice calm, steady, and devoid of any judgment.
I gently cleaned the blood away from her collarbone, my touch light and precise. When she winced, I paused, letting her catch her breath without making a scene out of it. I wrapped the bandages firmly, ensuring her ribs were supported, moving with a quiet, practiced tenderness that had nothing to do with romance and everything to do with simply caring for another human being.
"You did good out there, Emilia," I murmured, my eyes focused on securing the medical tape against her skin. "You kept everyone alive."
Harcourt stared at the side of my face. She watched the absolute lack of malice, the soft curve of my mouth, the calm focus in my eyes. She saw a man who had seen her at her absolute worst, bruised and bleeding and violent, and still treated her with gentleness.
Her heart was hammering against her ribs like a trapped bird. The emotional overload, the pain, the weeks of unspoken, confusing feelings—it all hit a breaking point.
Before her brain could logically stop her, her physical instincts took over.
She reached out, grabbed the lapels of my shirt with both hands, and pulled me forward, pressing her lips against mine.
It wasn't a soft, delicate kiss. It was Harcourt—impulsive, desperate, and rough around the edges.
I froze instantly, my hands hovering in the air above the bandages, my eyes wide in sheer, unadulterated shock.
A second later, as if realizing what she had just done, Harcourt snapped back. She practically shoved me away, panting, her eyes wide with a mixture of horror, embarrassment, and raw panic. She stared at me, her hands hovering near her chest, waiting for the disgust or the rejection from the one man she couldn't figure out how to love.
For three agonizing seconds, the room was dead silent.
My hands hovered frozen over her bandages. My mind hit a complete wall, scrambling to process what had just happened. Harcourt’s eyes were blown wide—a mixture of sheer panic, embarrassment, and raw, defensive anger—before she violently broke the contact, practically shoving me backward.
Without a single word, she grabbed her jacket with her good arm, yanked the door open, and practically sprinted down the hallway, leaving the heavy bang of the safehouse door echoing in her wake.
I just sat there on the stool, my chest rising and falling, staring at the empty doorway.
I didn't hate it.
That was the first thing that registered. Over the years, because of the way people read my gentleness, I’d been on the receiving end of unwanted advances and harassment more times than I cared to count. Usually, a sudden physical move left me feeling sick, violated, or intensely uncomfortable.
This hadn't felt like that. But I was still thoroughly, utterly confused.
I cared about Emilia deeply. I trusted her with my life. I found her sharp wit endearing, and I valued our shared quiet more than almost anything else in my chaotic world. But a romantic relationship? Physical intimacy? I had never once pictured it. Not with her, not with anyone.
I needed answers. Not out of anger, but because her physical behavior was a total mystery to me, and I couldn't just leave a wound like that open between us.
A few hours later, I pulled my car up to her apartment building. I picked up a bottle of high-end, single-malt bourbon I’d bought off a top-shelf liquor store down the street—a quiet peace offering—and walked up the dimly lit stairs.
I knocked twice.
When the door swung open, Harcourt stood there in a loose tank top, her good arm resting on the doorframe. Her face hardened the second she saw me.
Before she could spit out a deflection, I held up the bottle, looking at her with genuine, unjudgmental curiosity. "Why did you do that? You pulled me in for a kiss, and then you practically threw me across the room. I just… I want to understand what's going on in your head, Emilia."
Harcourt’s mouth opened, but before a word could form, a movement behind her caught my eye.
Inside her apartment, a tall, shirtless guy was sitting on the edge of her unmade bed, pulling his jeans up.
A sharp, sudden coldness hit my stomach. I blinked, the pieces instantly reassembling themselves. I had walked right into the middle of her usual routine—the quick, meaningless physical relief she sought whenever she was too overwhelmed to deal with her own brain...or heart.
My voice dropped, completely flat and professional. "Ah. Right."
I stepped back immediately, respecting her space before she even had the chance to demand it. I held out the bottle of bourbon, setting it on the small entry table by the door.
"Sorry for the interruption," I said softly, my eyes briefly meeting hers. "I hope your shoulder feels better tomorrow."
I turned on my heel and walked down the hall before she could answer.
When I got to my car, I didn't turn the ignition. I just sat in the driver's seat, gripping the steering wheel so tight my knuckles turned white. My heart was hammering against my ribs, hot and loud, burning with a strange, turbulent mix of emotions I couldn't name. Jealousy? Hurt? Confusion? I hated it. I hated the noise inside my own head.
I leaned my forehead against the cold leather of the steering wheel, breathing heavily, trying to force my pulse to slow down.
Then, through the rain-streaked windshield, I saw her apartment building's front door fly open.
The shirtless guy was practically thrown out onto the pavement, clutching his shoes and shirt in his hands as Harcourt barked something furious at him from the doorway before slamming it shut. He ran off into the night, looking utterly terrified.
She had kicked him out. In a matter of seconds.
Driven by a sudden, overwhelming surge of emotion I couldn't control, I shoved my car door open. I marched back up those stairs, my boots heavy against the concrete, and knocked on her door again.
When she opened it this time, I didn't wait. I stepped straight past her, crossing the threshold into her apartment without an invitation.
I turned around to face her, throwing my hands up in sheer frustration. "What the fuck, Harcourt?"
Harcourt froze, her eyes widening in genuine shock. I didn't curse. I didn't raise my voice. Hearing that word leave my mouth twice in one month was like watching the sun rise in the west.
"What the fuck is going on with you?" I demanded, my voice elevated, ringing through her small apartment. "You kiss me, you run away, you bring some random guy home, and then you throw him out five minutes later! I came here to talk to you like an adult, and you're treating this like a joke!"
"I didn't ask you to come here, Y/N!" she barked back, her defensive walls slamming up instantly. She crossed her arms, taking a step backward, physically distancing herself from me. "You don't get to march into my home and demand an explanation for my sexual life!"
"I'm not asking about your sexual life!" I shouted back, taking a step closer, my chest heaving. "I'm asking about us! I thought we were friends! I thought we trusted each other! You completely crossed a line, and instead of just talking to me, you retreat into… into this!" I gestured vaguely toward her bed. "You're making me completely confused and I don't even know why!"
" I don't know how to do this, that's why!" Harcourt suddenly screamed, her voice cracking with a raw, ugly intensity that stopped me dead in my tracks.
She stood there, breathing heavily, her fists clenched so hard her whole body was shaking. Tears of pure frustration welled in her sharp blue eyes, though she refused to let them fall.
"You want to know why I kissed you?" she spat, glaring at me like she wanted to tear me apart just for witnessing her weakness. "Because for the first time in my entire fucking life, a man looked at me and didn't just see a body to break or a prize to win! You looked at me like I was a person! You took care of me without expecting me to spread my legs for you in return!"
She took a ragged breath, stepping right into my space, her chest almost touching mine.
"Do you have any idea what it’s like?" she whispered, her voice trembling with a terrifying mixture of rage and vulnerability. "Do you have any idea what it feels like to have every single person you interact with look at you like something to be conquered? To never be allowed to just… exist without someone wanting a piece of you?"
Silence fell over the room, thick and suffocating.
I looked at her. I saw the raw, jagged wound behind her eyes—the burden of being a woman in a hyper-violent, hyper-sexualized world where her worth was constantly tied to her body.
And then, my face completely smoothed out. The frustration, the raised voice, the anger—it all evaporated, replaced by a dark, cold, unsettling calm.
"Yeah, Emilia," I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper, echoing with a quiet, devastating weight. "I do."
Harcourt went completely still.
She stared at me, the air trapped in her throat. She looked at my calm, gentle demeanor—the 'soft boy,' the 'cinnamon roll,' the guy everyone assumed was harmless and easy to push around. And in that terrifyingly quiet sentence, she realized just how many times my kindness had been taken advantage of. How many times people had looked at my soft nature and assumed I was theirs for the taking.
She had no defense for that. No witty comeback. No violent outburst.
For the first time since I'd met her, Emilia Harcourt was completely speechless.
The silence hanging between us felt razor-sharp.
Harcourt stared at me, her blue eyes wide as the weight of my words slowly sank into her mind. The color drained from her face. I saw the exact second the realization hit her—the sickening click in her brain that made her connection between how the world treated her, how the world treated me, and what she had just done.
"God…" she whispered, her voice cracking. She took a staggering step backward, covering her mouth with a trembling hand. "God, Y/N… I did it to you, didn't I?"
"Emilia, no—"
"I did!" she yelled, her voice dripping with sheer, suffocating self-loathing. "I got overwhelmed, I couldn't handle my own fucking feelings, so I grabbed you. I used force. I didn't ask, I didn't check, I just took what I wanted like fucking predator!"
She pulled at her hair, pacing back and forth like a caged animal trapped in her own guilt.
"They're right about me," she spat, a harsh, bitter laugh tearing through her throat. "Peacemaker, Vigilante… every asshole at the agency. I really am just a toxic guy in a woman's body. I only know how to feel two fucking things: rage and lust. That's it. That's my whole entire emotional capacity. And I took the one good, clean thing in my miserable life—the one person who was actually kind to me—and I fucking ruined it."
She turned her back to me, wrapping her arms tightly around herself, her shoulders shaking violently. "Get out, Y/N. Just… get the fuck out of my apartment. You shouldn't be anywhere near me."
A normal person would have walked away. A logical person would have given her the distance she was begging for.
I didn't leave.
I stood there, watching her rigid, broken posture, and felt that familiar, quiet warmth bloom in my chest. I wasn't angry. I had never been angry at her.
Instead of walking out the front door, I turned around and walked over to her small, messy kitchen counter. I picked up the bottle of high-end bourbon I’d left by the entry table. I unsealed it, found two glass tumblers in her cabinet, and poured two generous fingers of amber liquid into each glass.
I walked back into the living room, stepping softly until I was standing right in front of her again.
I held out one of the glasses.
Harcourt blinked, looking down at the glass, then up at my face in utter bewilderment. She took it with a shaking hand, her fingers brushing mine, staring at the bourbon as if it were a complete anomaly. A gesture of peace in the middle of her storm.
"It wasn't the same, Emilia," I said softly, staying right there in her personal space.
She looked up at me, her sharp eyes filled with raw, desperate curiosity. "How? How was it not the same?"
"Because usually, when people cross that line with me, I react. I feel sick," I admitted, my voice calm, steady, and quiet. I looked down at my own glass, swirling the ice, genuine confusion finally bleeding into my own tone. "I tell them no. I put a boundary up instantly. I push them away because I hate it. But with you… when you kissed me at the safehouse…"
I looked back up into her eyes.
"I didn't feel the need to push you away."
Harcourt’s breath hitched in her throat. She looked completely lost, her analytical brain scrambling to process the mixed signals.
"You told me you didn't want to fuck me!" she blurted out, her voice heavy, loaded with weeks of remembered rejection.
"I never said I didn't want to kiss you," the words spilled out of my mouth before my brain could stop them, snapping out so fast that it took even me by surprise.
I blinked, my jaw slacking slightly as I realized what I had just said.
Harcourt didn't give me time to take it back.
Driven by pure, unfiltered impulse, she set her glass down on the nearest table with a loud clack and grabbed the lapels of my jacket again, violently yanking me into her. Her lips slammed against mine in another fierce, desperate kiss.
I stumbled back a half-step, catching my balance, and let out a soft, breathy laugh against her mouth at her sheer, unyielding aggression.
Slowly, carefully, I brought my hands up. I didn't shove her. Instead, I gently unclasped her tight, white-knuckled fists from my jacket and placed her hands on both sides of my face.
I pulled back just an inch, looking into her blown-out blue eyes.
"Try it again," I murmured softly, my voice laced with a gentle smile. "Softer this time."
Harcourt swallowed hard, her chest heaving. The raw, violent edge in her posture melted away, replaced by something incredibly rare—gentleness.
She leaned in again.
This time, it wasn't an attack. It was slow. Her lips met mine with a tentative, hesitant warmth, taking her time, letting me guide the rhythm.
For the first time in my entire life, I didn't feel like I was being used, wanted, or objectified. I didn't feel the cold dread that usually accompanied physical intimacy. I felt the heat of her skin, the quiet beat of her heart under my fingers, and the profound, peaceful thrill of being genuinely connected to someone.
I actually liked it.
I closed my eyes, tilting my head, and kissed her back—deeply, warmly, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her small, muscular frame flush against mine.
When we finally parted, I pulled her into a hug, both of us breathing heavily in the quiet apartment. Harcourt’s hands were resting softly on my back, her fingers lightly twirling the fabric of my shirt, her ear against my thumping heart.
I smiled, a real, tired, deeply happy smile, and rested my chin on top of her head.
"See?" I whispered. "Much better."
















