I'm Terrible At Naming Things

John had been the one to let him in, amusement written all over his face. You never knew why, but it was like that brother of yours could smell trouble from a mile away. He wasn’t the brightest, and often didn’t know what the plan was, although he happily went along with it, but he always knew when something was about to go ‘bang’. Maybe it was just his love for bombs. Either way, John had let him in and Arthur had started pouring the drinks straight away. Not a great start. Tommy was still working, so the four of you were now sitting in the little front room at Watery Lane. And you could cut the tension with a knife. “What was your name again?” Arthur asked the boy. “You know his name,“ you sighed. “He’s been a friend of Finn’s since they were six years old.” “I forget.” Said boy cleared his throat to answer, but before he actually could, Arthur interrupted him, “Never mind, I won’t remember it anyway.” Strike one. Thank God Tommy finally came in. He stood in the doorway and looked around the room, eyes lingering on you for a second, and then staring down the boy who had dared to knock on his front door. “Well?” he finally said. “Tom, this is…” Thomas pointed a finger to silence you and softly, menacingly, said, “You will not be speaking, Y/N, at all. I want to hear it all from him.”

You sat back down quietly. Tommy lit a slow cigarette. The room had turned to ice. “Speak, boy.” For a second, the boy made eye contact with you. Immediately, Tommy held up a hand in warning, and he got it. So, he bravely looked your brother in the eye instead and said, “My name is Jeremiah Roth, Mr. Shelby. I’m a friend of your sister.” “Are you now…” “I thought he was Finn’s friend.” Arthur grumbled. John gestured around vaguely, “Maybe he has lots of friends, Arthur.” “Not in here he doesn’t…” “I do!” Jeremiah interjected, even though you’d tried your best to warn him with your eyes. Tommy raised his eyebrows and nodded, “There, you see? He has lots of friends. He’s friendly, right, Jeremiah? You’re friendly?” Less certain now, he answered, “I think I am…” “So friendly even, that you decided to come to our house and interrupt us during our work.” “I don’t mean to interrupt anything…” behind your brother’s back you had started gesturing wildly for him to move the fuck along and get to the point, because you knew exactly what was going to happen if he didn’t. Tommy sighed theatrically, “Yet here you are.” “I’ll get to the point,” Jeremiah said. You gave him a double thumbs up and an encouraging smile, “I’ve known Y/N for almost 10 years now and I like her very much. I think she likes me too.” Within seconds, Arthur was up and John just about managed to stop him from lifting the boy clean out of his shoes.

“Settle down, brother,” Tommy said, seemingly unmoved. But you recognized how his eyes had slightly darkened. “Let’s hear what he has to say.”   Jeremiah opened his mouth again, but before he could say anything, a fourth brother entered the room. Finn’s eyes lit up in surprise when he saw his friend, “What are you doing here, Jem?” “He wants to marry Y/N,” John blurted out. You let your head fall into your hands, waiting for the explosion to happen. For a moment, nothing happened at all. Arthur had turned a slightly darker shade of purple, but all was quiet. “What?” John asked no one in particular, “I’m just saying it. We all know it…” And then it kicked off. Finn lunged forwards and punched his friend in the face. Jeremiah fell back and took one of the little tables with him. John tried to stop Finn, but he clearly wasn’t making much of an effort. Arthur, meanwhile, grabbed hold of a book and flung it at the boy’s head. Then he went at him with the bottle, but luckily tommy took that from his hands. It was a chaos of fighting cats, with only you and Tommy standing to the side, looking at it. “So, how would you say this is going, Y/N? Eh?” “Not great.” Tommy nodded and lit yet another cigarette. Then he sent you a quick strict look and said, “Don’t think I don’t know this was your idea.” You gulped and decided not to reply. Because of course this was your idea. You liked Jeremiah, you may even loved him, you weren’t entirely sure, but he wasn’t the bravest man in Small Heath. Which was fine with you, because if you wanted brave, loud, violent or bold men, you had many to choose from. No, you liked Jeremiah because of his kindness, his clumsiness, his nervousness around big groups of people, and his wordless affection for you. Suddenly, your thoughts were interrupted by a loud noise of Tommy banging his fist down onto the table and shouting out, “Enough!” John immediately grabbed Finn by the collar and threw him out of the room, saying, “Thanks for coming, Finn. Well done. Now let the grown-ups handle this.” Finn tried to shout out something threatening to his friend about sneaking around with his sister, but John quickly closed the door, so his words faded away.

Tommy sat down again and waited for his brothers to do the same, “Let’s start this again, eh?” “Thank you, Mr. Shelby,” Jeremiah said, as he tried to dab away some of the blood off his chin, “As I was saying, I like your sister.”

Frantically, you tried to get him to look at you. You waved your arms about and when he did finally look, you mouthed the word respect at him a few times. He finally got it, nodded a little too obvious and added, “And of course I respect you all.” You shook your head. This wasn’t going to be easy. Again, you mouthed the right words and pointed feverishly at yourself: respect ME! “Ah! Yes,” he nodded again, “And of course I respect me most of all.” You slumped down in your chair. Half a smile started forming on John’s face, as he looked from you to him.   Again, you tried, as clearly as you could and without John noticing. It became a strange dance almost, with a lot of stopping and starting again. Pointing from him to yourself, to the brothers, and to your ring finger. Tommy narrowed his eyes, Arthur downed another glass and John almost giggled. “What I mean to say… is that I respect Y/N. A lot.” Finally. “Which is why I’m here.” You started gesturing again, referring to the next bit you had told him to say. But suddenly John spun around and caught you mid-mime. He barked a laugh, “Have you two been rehearsing this? Because, fucking hell Y/N, should’ve spend a bit more time on this one.” “No, I haven’t,” you tried feebly. “You respect her.” Tommy waved a hand, “I’m so very glad to hear it.” His patience was running out. “And you want to marry her.” Arthur started, obviously trying with every inch of his might to sound calm and reasonable, “You want to marry our sixteen-year-old sister.” His patience had run out a long time ago.

“Yes, well it doesn’t have to be right away,” Jeremiah offered. And you slammed a hand against your forehead to show him: wrong move! So, he added, “I mean, we’re both still young.” “Mr. Roth,” Thomas interrupted him, and he leaned forwards and waved his cigarette around as he spoke, “I’ll be frank with you, alright? I’m sure you’re a lovely boy, but that is all you are: a boy. And the only reason I won’t shoot you right here and now, is because I think you’re just a fucking idiot. I’ll forgive you for that. I’m also going to assume my sister put you up to this. I’ll deal with her later. But I will tell you this: she is far too young to get married yet. She will be ready, when I say she’s ready, alright?” “We haven’t even thought about a dowry for her yet,” John added, unhelpfully. And you couldn’t help yourself, “What would I be worth then, John?” “Y/N…” Tommy warned. You sat up, “No, I want to know! A horse?” “You’re worth more than one horse,” Arthur weighed in on the conversation, “You’re a bloody Shelby.” “Three horses?” John shrugged, “I don’t know, I haven’t…” “What about a car?” Jeremiah asked, smiling brightly. He never was too good and gauging the mood and taking social cues.

“A car is a lot, Jeremiah,” you laughed. He smiled back at you, and innocently added, “Well, I’m not really sure how these things work, Y/N. Maybe for a virgin?” And that’s when Tommy lost it too. He jumped up, with his other brothers hot on his heel, grabbed the much-confused boy and in one swift motion, practically hoisted him up into the air. “Wait!” you shouted out, “Tom, wait. Please. I know he’s an idiot, but I swear it’s just that. He doesn’t mean any harm!” “And you want to marry this idiot?” John asked, chewing on his toothpick, obviously, but calmly, contemplating homicide. You looked at Tommy, who hardly seemed to move at all. Somehow, that was even scarier.

“Why our sister?” Tommy grumbled lowly. “I thought it would be good for her too,” Jeremiah tried, “With her reputation and all.” Arthur actually sounded like an animal, “What fucking reputation?” “Because she’s a Shelby?” You couldn’t wait any longer. He was going to get himself killed, “Jeremiah, shut the fuck up. Please. Whatever you think might be a good idea to say, do no say that! You’re making it worse.” John looked at him. He didn’t think it was funny anymore, “You’re calling my sister wild?”

Jeremiah just hung there, suspended in the air.  His voice had gotten very thin, “I don’t mean she’s wild wild. I mean she’s friendly, you know?” “Oh, friendly again, is it.” And that was it. With one swift motion, Thomas threw Jeremiah out the front door and closed it again. “Wedding’s off, Y/N,” Arthur said, almost cheerful. You sat back down and sighed. None of this had gone according to plan. Maybe you could try again in a couple of years, together, when you’d prepped him better. “Why would you want to marry him?” John asked again, genuinely interested. “You could have anyone. Why him?” “I like him.” Tommy ran a hand through his hair and simply said, “Well, luckily for him, so do I. But you’re not marrying anyone for now and that’s final. Alright?” You nodded. Somehow, this still felt like a victory, even though your brothers seemed exhausted after the encounter. Like it had taken years off their lives. So, you decided to ease their discomfort a little, “You don’t have to worry, Tommy.” “Worry about what, eh?” He took a long drag. You shrugged, “I mean… I’m not that friendly…” John snickered in the background, but Tommy frowned, “What?” “I’m still a virgin.” Arthur had just downed his whiskey and, unfortunately, choked.

*****

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