could you tell us more about qpr? I'm really interested in the concept would love to learn more about it
hey anon, thank you for asking <333 all of you might have to sit tight for this one, i ramble a lot 😭💔
TL;DR though, I describe QPRs (queer platonic relationships) to be more intimate than traditional platonic relationships, but it doesn't make them romantic because they don't have the expectations and boundaries that one entails.
QPRs by definition are non-romantic intimate and committed relationships.
It's normally found within aromantic communities but the people within QPRs don't have to be aro to be in one. I'm unlabelled, but I have related to both allo and aro experiences so be aware that this is the perspective I'm speaking from
It can be difficult to understand what they are exactly because from the outside looking in, it really does just look like a romantic relationship because the partners within it could treat and feel for each other in a manner that is traditionally perceived as romantic. (e.g: cuddling, kissing, some may even move in together and get married)
But I think one of the important things that helped me understand QPRs is this concept I see discussed in aromantic communities called amatonormativity; it includes the idea that romantic relationships are greater than platonic friendships or are seen as the next step from it (i.e if you feel anything for someone that's not seen as traditionally platonic, you have romantic feelings), and also other things but this is most relevant to the topic
Essentially it causes relationships to be pushed into this strict binary of "platonic" or "romantic". And wherever your relationship with someone is, you're expected to adhere to this default template of how your relationship is supposed to look like — romantic relationships are intimate closeness that is more valued and special, and platonic relationships cannot breach that.
I find that people often make assumptions of how they and their partner/friend should act based on those templates. It's like a quiet agreement that causes you to not communicate your expectations and boundaries because you assume it's all common sense, and that the other person is already aware of those just by the nature of your relationship.
I think that QPRs practically rip those templates and expectations apart, it pushes your relationship out of that box into this shapeless blob that you have to shape yourself, and it pushes you to actually voice out your expectations and boundaries
I want people to understand that QPRs aren't "lesser" than romantic relationships just because they are non-romantic, nor are they "greater" than platonic relationships just because they are more intimate. They're simply just another way relationships can take shape and I've seen people describe it as the "nonbinary" of relationships lol
There's no singular answer to what people do in QPRS and what it's like, because it doesn't have a template like platonic and romantic relationships do. It's something you build from the bottom up, you go into it with expectations set by you and your partner/s, not with expectations society laid out for you. Every QPR is different because it's so individualised and it's as special and unique as the people within it
(Speaking of amatonormativity notice how i really don't have a good way to describe platonic relationships besides "non-romantic" lmao 😭✌️it's so ingrained into us that it makes topics regarding platonic and romantic tricky to discuss)
If you ask me how it's like to be in my own QPR, it is more intimate than my platonic friendships. I feel absolutely yucked out at the thought of doing the things I do with Archer with them because I genuinely see all of them like my own siblings lol
But in comparison to my romantic relationships, it still feels so... Different? None of my romantic "relationships" really felt real to me and were usually like situationships where I can tell the person was into me and wanted me to be their girlfriend, but I just felt like I was being forced to act in a superficial way that doesn't feel authentic to me.
With Archer, I don't feel like I have to perform as a girlfriend in our relationship and I don't feel like I'm stepping out of line for wanting to be intimate with him. I feel like I could just be me and do the things that comes naturally to me, iykwim?
And it feels like Archer also has the space to do the things that comes naturally to him too, and I'm not upset if he's not doing the things I would've expected a boyfriend to do because he's not my boyfriend (at least not in a romantic sense. While I'm more comfortable calling him my partner, I know calling him my boyfriend would be something I'll feel is right in the future)
We move and guide our relationship in a way that follows our own pace, boundaries and expectations, it's something that grows and changes with us, it's open communication about wants, needs and feelings, and most importantly I don't feel like I'm being too much nor am I being too little. I feel really secure with Archer and everything I have with him is really all that I've wanted
i hope you learned something from me<33
