Wangxian: why does it work? - ISTJ and ENTP compatibility analysis
I found this funny post in Quora and thought “this guy must know Wangxian, it’s literally them”.
And then I got a bit obsessed wondering: but if that’s really the case, why does Wangxian work so well despite both characters being a clear-cut representation of an ISTJ and an ENTP?
Most would say that it’s an incompatible and unlikely romantic couple in real life, arguing that the ENTP would get bored and the ISTJ overwhelmed. But MXTX managed to write them pretty realistically and to make them the protagonists of one of the most incredible love stories I’ve read.
We often pin their mutual attraction on their opposite personalities. And while this might be true in the initial stages of their relationship, this superficial attraction is only enough to spark curiosity, but not a real foundation for connection. However, MXTX very skillfully dives into that, putting them in situations that force their core values and true nature to come to the outside. In life or death situations, you either form an incredible bond with your companion or you end up hating each other to the guts. In the face of adversity, the differences between LWJ and WWX become insignificant in light of their dominant traits: a deeply caring and selfless nature that borders heroicity. It’s in the Xuanwu cave where this becomes clear chronologically, for the first time. They rely on each other to stay safe and sane throughout several days trapped in the cave. When their mental and physical strength are pushed t o the limit, it becomes clear that they are willing to risk their lives for each and other. That sets a foundation of mutual trust that persists through years and even through death, to the point that LWJ is convinced that WWX will return from the other world. It is no wonder that, after that, they both think of each other as a comforting and safe presence.
But the spark of attraction is much older than that, and their attention gravitates to one another since the very beginnig. WWX, being an analytical and observant type, is the only one who notices that LWJ is limping in an adverse situation, and the only who promptly offers a solution, as ENTPs are prone to do. ENTPs can come off as intrusive in offering help, but it is really a fruit of the cognitive empathy that comes from analyzing how others might be feeling when scanning the situation; which they constantly do, as Perceptive types.
MXTX does a great job foreshadowing and then stating their points of compatibility across the entire novel, continuously overlapping it to the displays of their differences: their shared values, their loyalty and their passion in defending those is where they find their common ground. They also share a strong sense of justice, which WWX understand through extroverted Intuitive function, so it comes off more passionate and assertive; while LWJ takes a logical and reserved, but equally firm approach. While bending the rules for the right reason comes naturally to WWX, it’s a big development point for LWJ and a statement to his true depth, as well as his acceptance of WWX. Relationships, healthy ones, help us absorb those traits from our partners that will balance our natural disposition.
When these qualities shine through their outside demeanor, and the expression of their mutual admiration finally makes it through their barriers, a sense of assuredness grows between them. WWX no longer believes that LWJ thinks him disagreeable and inferior, while LWJ starts to trust that WWX genuinely enjoys his company and is not as shallow as he once thought.
As Thinking types, they both struggle with emotional barriers, though in very different ways, despite these being more evident in LWJ due to his Introverted nature. But let’s note that WWX uses charm, teasing and casual flirting as to interact with people in a way that feelings aren’t involved, since that’s his Extroverted inclination and what he thrives off. ENTPs perceive connections as a means to expose, develop and expand their inner world, and they build these words for other people to inhabitate and enrich. But that’s not evident at first, since he mostly interacts in a non-commital, flakey way. We only see him lowering his defenses and seeking true connection with softer types such as JYL, an INFP, or the people he feels a sense of loyalty towards, like JC. Even with them, he is often too occupied taking a practical approach to problems, and his optimistic, rational mindset often makes it difficult for himself and for others to realize his underlying pain. There are very few moments when he actually breaks down, and he mostly does it in solitude. However, as an ENTP and an eneatype 7, he doesn’t stay in the same place for long, either physically or mentally; which makes him incredibly resilient. Contrary to LWJ, who finds his resilience in dwelling in the depth of his feelings as uses these as a driving force, as his melancholic temperament style depicts.
LWJ, as an Introverted Thinking type, struggles even more forming deep connections. But he doesn’t need casual interaction to thrive, neither does he feel the need to express his opinions and feelings unless he’s asked directly. As a good ISTJ, though, it is very rare that he lies or beats around the bush when he decides to speak. But the quietness of the ocean, as we know, doesn’t reflect its depth; and WWX, as an observant and curious type, eventually sees through that. ENTPs hyperfocus on the people they’re interested in, and try to understand them to the fullest, studying and turning around all the information available to contrast each side of the equation. He comes to realize thay LWJ is not self-righteous or arrogant as he once thought, and that he is, in fact, more exigent with himself that he is with anyone else, as the Perfectionists eneatypes 1 often are. He holds himself the the highest moral standards, and his self-discipline isn’t but a means to achieve that. ENTPs are very quick in grasping inconsistencies and ulterior motives, and have low tolerance for mind-fuckery. It’s not strange that the consistency of LWJ’s character fascinates him, while also valuing his straightforward attitude; a trait that ENTPs share.
When the common ground of their core values is established, there’s a new openness to better understand and amold to each other. LWJ starts making active attempts to approach WWX for the first time. However, with WWX’s temperament getting darkened from demonic cultivation, he is further alieneted from his feelings and his connection to others; so their coming together is only possible in his second life, when LWJ proves to be on his side from the very beginning. WWX, as ENTP who judges people and intentions through their actions but doesn’t usually hold grudges or petty impressions, has no choice but to accept a clear truth: LWJ appreciates and respects him, perhaps more than anyone else.
His curiosity peaks at that point, as he tries to fit this new version of LWJ in the old memories from their previous life. If someone sparks an ENTP’s curiosity and sustain it over time, the ENTP will soon find themself half-way in love. In that regard, LWJ is a mystery to explore, even though solving the puzzle is not nearly as entertaining and testing its twists and turns and making him react through all sort of playful experimentation.
With that mutual core foundation, plus the mystery that LWJ poses to WWX, and the answer that WWX poses to LWJ after years of mourning him, the development comes naturally: they start to learn how to read and listen to one another while leaving aside any strong or definite judgements. WWX finds that LWJ, despite appearing indifferent, pays close attention his words and actions, and allows him total freedom to express himself and even share ridiculous ideas. In turn, with his curious disposition, always asking questions, he nudges LWJ to share more of himself.
LWJ turns out to be a good listener and a good observer: a holy grail to an ENTP. As ENTPs are also extremely protective of the softer types, it’s no wonder that WWX is delighted when he sees LWJ acting childishly when drunk, discovering a repressed playfulness in him that he never suspected - another layer of LWJ that puzzles and fascinates him, and another trait they have in common, even if in LWJ it’s presented as a potential while to WWX it’s an inevitability. In the same way, LWJ is able to remind WWX to hold his horses when he’s getting carried away, in a firm but not punitive manner that makes him feel guided instead of constrained.
On the other hand, ENTPs love to bounce off ideas with other people, often adopting an “opposite” stance so that no sides of the question are left unexplored. ENTPs don’t mind being corrected, and respect people who can also act gracefully when contradicted. WWX enjoys discussing things in a friendly, casual way, but they also have a thick skin and aren’t easily offended, (even though they fiercely demand to be respected whenever violated). Accordingly, since they value fairess and integrity, they hate fallacies or any attempts to manipulate the facts and the truth. They are not afraid of calling out any perceived untruthfulness and lack of consistency. Similarly, as a Logistic type, neither does LWJ, even though he tends to make those statements through unambiguous actions rather than words.
While WWX is emotionally flexible, there’s a stubbornness in LWJ that comes between them at the beginning. Their relationship only starts to smooth out when he learns that his upbringing is not the only valid lens to judge the world (a huge deed, since he is a Judging type and also a 1 eneatype), and learns to differentiate between the shallow “forms of propriety” and the deeper ways of embodying his core values, such as humility, open-mindedness and generosity. Values who are clearly mirrored by WWX in his own ways.
However, even after their dynamic smooths out in their early adulthood, the romantic feelings only start to take off when WWX overcomes his main challenge as an ENTP: identifying the depth of his feelings and ~taking ~ them ~ seriously~. Speaking as an ENTP: yes, we can rationally name our feelings (and we have A LOT of them) at any given moment; but placing them as top priority and acting on them is a different matter. We are likely to talk impulsively, but we are very unlikely to make important decision based on emotion.
Post-resurrection, it’s not only miscommunication what comes between them: both of them can be very clear when they want to. They are synchronized enough that they come to understand each other’s intentions with a glance. The problem is that you simply cannot communicate feelings you are not aware of; not intentonally at least, if playing hide and seek and giving reward kisses to your bro counts for something.
Really, unlike the stereotype says, ENTPs are not turned off by quiet types (see how much we love INFPs and INFJs!), and we don’t mind carrying the entire conversation as long as we perceive signs of interest. We LOVE a good listener as much as a good debater. Conversely, our major turn-off is talking to people who aren’t interested in any insight besides their own, who can’t truly listen and who are hypersensitive to differences. Not only there’s nothing less stimulating than one-sided conversations where an ENTP’s word is minimized or ignored, but it also feels very constricting. if that happens, we quickly go back into our minds, where it’s safe to imagine, analyze and create.
LWJ, in his attentive quietness, simulates that exact safe space of the mind of an ENTP. WWX learns to trust that he will pay attention, whether he responds or not, and that he won’t lose his patience with WWX’s disorganized flux of ideas, even feeling the freedom to act ridiculous without fear of harsh judgement. LWJ also learns that this trait of WWX doesn’t reflect the true solidity of his character, and trusts WWX to be grounded and resourseful when needed. Post-resurrectjon, LWJ feels no longer the need to shatter WWX’s playful bubble with his matter-of-factly nature, and he even joins it with his own sense of humour on occasion.
This allows WWX to expand and explore different mind processes out loud, no matter of how little importance; ENTPs love carefree fun as much as they enjoy productivity and intellectual expansion. Words are their main tool for that. LWJ, in turn, doesn’t need to partake very strongly in WWX’s musings to enjoy them and encourage them. As Thinking types, they both have a tendency to isolate at times, so they both understand that need. And they are comfortable enough around each other that they can focus in their own endeavours while sharing the same physical space. LWJ is not bothered by WWX’s occasional comments, since he doesn’t feel obligated to respond, knowing that WWX’s enjoys talking out loud for the sake of organizing and externalizing ideas. And WWX, as an equally independent type, knows how to entertain himself and have fun with any available means even without the input of others.
While this dynamic would be typically boring and exhausting for an ISTJ-ENTP couple, once their main personal challanges are overcome, the patience, flexibility and acceptance that is born from the differences is what remains. Their experience of death plays a big part in putting things into perspective, and sheds light on what is truly important to them: kindness, trust, companionship and loyalty.
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