MISTY SHADOW

Every now and then, a sharp flicker of light washed Captain Buggy’s personal cabin in a shimmery glow through the porthole. The weather was gloomy as the great and showy Big Top sailed over the open sea.

The crew was on high alert.

They weren’t only juggling balls but also many tasks as Buggy hurled clear instructions at them to set sail for the Karai Bari Island.

Each strike of lightning through the cluster of angry and dark clouds caused the artsy tinted windows of Buggy’s quarters to radiate red and green hues of illumination. It almost looked like a carnival show was playing outside.

You didn’t flinch at the sudden roar of thunder as you sat on the floor beside the bed hurled up into a ball, your knees drawn up all the way to your face.

Even as the ship swayed while a big wave crashed into the main deck, followed by Buggy screaming orders at his crew and the response of “Ai Ai Captain!” you didn’t worry.

You knew that you and everyone else on this ship were in good hands as long as Buggy was in charge.

He was throwing around orders and ushering around his men all day long, preoccupied with planning a flashy arrival and making sure they were on their time schedule, since they suddenly encountered this storm.

This left little room for him to check up on you, drowned by his many captain’s duties.

You, on the other hand, weren’t so productive today. Which wasn’t an issue since it was your day off. But this free time caused you to drown in your own thoughts.

Another bolt bathed the room in colorful hues followed closely by the rumble of thunder. Again you didn’t flinch, engulfed by your own thoughts brewing inside your head. It rather felt like a fleeting distraction comforting you in a strange way. But the relief was short-lived as another wave of unsettling thoughts crashed into your mind. It felt like you were being crushed agonizingly slow by your mental turmoil.

These feelings were making you restless all day long. Nothing seemed to soothe this deep ache in your heart which led to you recoiling in the captain’s quarters. On top of that, your heart seemed to want to break a rib with how fast it was beating, while your nerves seemed to scream inside your body. This anxiety was eating you alive as you trembled and suffered in your misery.

You buried your face deeper into your drawn-up knees as you tried to make yourself as small as possible, suppressing a whimper while your feelings overwhelmed you.

——————————————————————

Suddenly the door to the captain’s quarters flew open, but there was no person at the door frame. Only a gloved hand was holding the handle as Buggy yelled at his men to “secure down the hatches!” and “Cabaji make sure that giant cat isn’t roaming around in this tornado!”

The cold air tasting of salt breached the threshold, but before it could reach you, Buggy appeared at the doorway.

“Whew - this storm really knows how to knock a clown off his feet.“ he remarked, as the rest of his body reconnected with his detached hand.

But his movements abruptly stopped as his eyes landed on your curled up figure, a worried frown setting into his clown-painted face.

“Toots? What’s going on?”

You didn’t respond. He wasn’t even sure if you registered his presence.

He noticed how you were slightly trembling.

“Hey- ”

He called out your name, but you only huddled up more, hiding your face behind your knees.

Buggy’s worry reached another level as he gulped heavily. His still drenched clothes were dripping and forming a small puddle at the entrance. He entered the room and gently closed the door as he began taking off his coat. The usually fluffy fur at the hem was completely soaked. As he began taking off his captain’s hat, he hung them over the nearest chair and removed his boots at the entrance.

Buggy slowly dragged his feet along the wooden floor to approach you and kneeled in front of your trembling figure,

his eyes roaming over your sunken form.

“It’s okay, my dear.” he said, slowly taking off his white gloves and throwing them aside. His silly demeanor was gone, leaving a serious but gentle look on his face. He mustered you for a moment with soft and worried eyes, as he slowly placed a gentle hand on your upper arm.

You flinched at his touch but didn’t recoil from it. “Hey, I’m here for you.” he whispered tenderly, moving his hand to your head and holding it in a soothing manner.

“Hey look at me, sugar.”

He carefully moved his hand to tilt your chin up with his ungloved fingers. The warmth of his touch on your skin soothed you and momentarily grounded you to the presence. It grounded you to him - Buggy.

Your eyes landed on that face you loved so dearly. His eye makeup was smudged from crashing waves and his beautiful blue hair was dripping. You wished you could admire that face like you always did but you still felt so uncomfortably anxious, your ribcage was heaving.

“Try matching your breaths to mine, my dear” he gently instructed. His eyes momentarily flickered to your lips as he deepened his intakes and breathed out slowly, coaching you to mimic him.

Your absent mind tried focusing on his instructions and mimicking him in a pitiful shaky breath.

“Just like that sweets, you’re doing great.” he encouraged, giving you a warm smile as you channeled your focus solely on him and your breathing.

After calming your body down to the best of your abilities, you finally relaxed enough to lock your gaze with his eyes instead of red-painted lips.

The look you found was of pure adoration mixed with deep concern. “There you are, silly,” he remarked with a goofy smile to lighten you up. “You worried your ol’ clown here.” he grinned playfully.

“Hey Bugs,” you sighed, your voice slightly cracking from today’s underuse. “I’m sorry,” you sighed, your gaze lowering.

At that he put on an over-the-top offended face in his true Buggy fashion as he immediately protested “Sorry? No, no my dummie, honey bunny, sweetie pie! How dare my dearest crew member hide her can of worms from her flashy captain. None of that ‘sorry-nonsense’”.

He voiced out in an exaggerated, theatrical manner, his hands flying here and there to emphasize his seriousness. “I’m here for you, so do NOT apologize.” he stated with complete determination in his eyes as his gaze softened.

“So, what was brewing inside that flashy head of yours, my star” he asked, nudging your temple with his pointy finger lightly.

You gingerly smiled at his antics, which was replaced with an exhausted expression as you tried to find the words and express the cause of your distress.

Buggy didn’t rush you, letting you take your time to sort out your thoughts.

“It’s just-“ you desperately tried finding the right words to express your brewing thoughts, which felt impossible right now.

“Ugh, I just…

I feel so disgusting!” you exasperatedly burst out, starting out with the most prominent thoughts.

“I hate myself!” you frustratingly cried out.

“I- I don’t know what got me to this point in my life,…” you stammered, rambling about your most aggressive thoughts.

“But I definitely feel undeserving of everything positive in it.” The look in your eyes grew distant, as you rambled about your feelings.

“I can’t shake this heavy blanket of sadness and misery off me, and I’m wasting everyone’s time and energy with my baggage. I just… can’t seem to function like everybody else! Like a normal human! Why?

Just- why am I like this? I’m not sure how much longer you can take this burden… I’m scared, but nevertheless feel like…

I would deserve such faith - to be cast aside - and just… lose the people I love.”

Your trembling hands clenched into tight fists.

“I can’t take this inner conflict anymore-“ your glassy eyes found Buggy’s as you suppressed another pitiful whimper.

“I feel like I’m being torn apart between drowning in self-pity and… feeling like I deserve every ounce of misery I’m in - and I’m never going to escape this cycle.” you mumbled, turning your gaze down. Your eyes lost focus again, as you felt another wave of ugly thoughts threatening to take you over and under its spell.

But before you could drown, you felt Buggy’s warm hand engulf your trembling fist. His touch was gentle as he unclenched it and caressed it with both of his hands, his warmth spreading into your palm, and securing your trembling hand.

Buggy’s gaze roamed over you, his eyes carrying deep worry and love as his heart broke at seeing you suffer so much.

“Oh Baby,” Buggy softly whispered, scooting closer to wrap his strong arms around your figure. His right hand moved atop your head, petting it lovingly.

You nestled your face in the crook of his neck, engulfed by his warmth and melting in his embrace as you let fresh tears fall.

“Shh, it’s okay precious,” he whispered, gently rocking you back and forth. You felt yourself melting in his embrace, finding comfort in his strong arms. His scent of face paint and gunpowder, with the note of sea salt and something sweet engulfed you, soothing you.

“Oh honey, my dearest treasure“ he breathed out, as he kept rocking you both back and forth.

“I’ts okay” he softly shushed you.

“Your clown is here now, nothing will hurt you” he reassured you, giving the top of your head a soft kiss.

Your tears calmed down after a while and your exhausted body slumped further into Buggy.

He stopped rocking your bodys and gently pulled your face up to wipe your tear-streaked face with his thumbs.

His eyes carried so much empathy. “You aren’t a burden. You’re everything to me, honey” Buggy said with pure adoration, his eyes becoming glossy.

“I’m the happiest clown in the world, because I have you” he said, touching the tip of your nose with his finger in a playful manner, eliciting a small giggle from you.

“And this means all of you, my silly star. You’re enough as you are and deserve the world. I know these ugly thoughts can get loud, but I’ll always be here to remind you,” he rasped out confidently.

“I’ll always be here for you and this won’t change, even if the whole Grand Line tries to separate us,” he dramatically exclaimed.

“Don’t ever think that you’re a burden to me.

You.are.never.”

Your heart felt so full at his words, making you feel so loved. “Thank you Buggy,” you sniffed.

He grinned widely, his eyes crinkling at the corners, giving you his signature Buggy-grin. “Of course, my flashy love. I’m sorry you’re feeling like that, and I’ll do everything in my power to change that. But promise me one thing” he said.

“Yes?” you asked, loosing yourself in his eyes.

“Don’t fight this alone. Don’t hesitate to call for me. We’ll overcome this together, as the flashy couple we are” he grinned.

You felt the corners of your mouth moving upwards, forming an honest smile.

“I promise,” you said, feeling so much lighter at his words.

“That’s my star!” he excitingly said, giving your cheek a big kiss.

As he slowly pulled away, he halted, a frown forming on his face.

“Hey what’s that in your ear, toots?” He asked, his detached hand flying behind your head.

In a matter of seconds, he smoothly took out a piece of wrapped candy “out of your ear”, his eyes opening widely, eyebrows raising as his lower jaw dropped open in an exaggeratedly surprised expression on his painted face.

“Oh- What do we have here? Looks like your favourite piece of candy. That’s really fitting for such a sweetie pie to have that in her ear,” he giggled, swaying the candy in front of your face.

You broke out in a fit of laughter at his old clown trick, your face crinkling as happy sounds bubbled out of you.

“You’re so cute when you laugh like that,” he admired “looks like I have to fish more candy out of your ear,” he joked, ‘taking out’ another piece of candy, he probably took out of his pocket earlier.

A deep blush crept into your face at his comment.

You snatched the first piece of candy out of his grasp, giggling. “Oh my- I’ve been searching for this, you know?” you joked with him, feeling giddy.

“Welp, good that I found it for you toots. Wanna share candy with your flashy clown and cuddle?” He cooed in a convincing manner, as if he would need to ask twice.

“I would love nothing more than that, Buggy”

He picked you up in his arms, and you shared the rest of the evening together, blissfully happy under the calming thunderstorm.

—————————————

You can also access the story on ao3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/65280319

Pit, pat, pit, pat…

A cold breeze flows through you.

The only thing your mind registered was the pitter-patter of raindrops falling on your body.

Huh strange.

These raindrops were so fast.

It’s like they were attacking your skin from all angles without leaving a trace of cover.

Pit, pat, pit, pat…

“Have mercy!”

You startled as your mind perceived a pleading voice crying out in agony.

“Please, please!”.

Shallow breaths fluttered from your lips as you tried fighting this unbearable trance. But fighting it seemed to only fuel the unforgiving rain as it increased by the minute.

Each drop seemed to sink into every pore of your body like fire-

no-

like lightning.

Yes, lightning seemed to be more fitting.

As your mind pondered over the bizarre situation you found yourself in, your thoughts came to an abrupt stop.

What was that?

You processed distant whimpers and cries of pain, but no sound was escaping your throat.

No, that wasn’t you. This voice seemed familiar…

The tapping of the rain increased to an unbearable extent, making you feel like being drowned in endless torment.

You felt yourself reaching your breaking point as the last thing you made out was a distant cackling.

“There is no mercy”-

—

You awoke with a startle, taking gulps of air as if rising from the depths of Kamino’s stormy oceans. The excruciating burn under your skin lingers painfully as if still under the torment.

What happened? You felt disoriented as your bewildered eyes scanned your surroundings. Thin light streaks emitting from the two moons of Dromund Kaas shined through the big glass panels of the quarters you shared with your husband. As your eyes adjusted to the familiar surroundings, you acknowledged raindrops falling outside the window.

The rainfall seemed to cover every inch of the glass, covering it like a heavy blanket made out of cold water. Your thoughts were momentarily drowned out by the white noise reflecting of the heavy storm on Dromund Kaas.

One glass panel was halfway open, letting the smell of chilly dampness in the air creep into the room and filling your nostrils.

But that wasn’t the only thing your senses registered.

As you managed to calm yourself down to the best of your abilities you acknowledged the figure sleeping next to you whimpering quietly.

Not just whimpering.

Maul’s body lay straight on his back. His head was turned in the opposite direction of you, which is why you could only see the ink-filled back of his head. His horns were leaving sharp indents on the fluffy pillow. As you propped up your elbow to muster the situation better, he whimpered again, trashing his head to the other side.

Now you saw how pain-stricken his tattooed face was. His mouth was stuck in a permanent scowl as heavy breathes escaped his lungs, making it seem like something heavy was pressing down on his chest. Abruptly, you pulled yourself up to aid him.

“No, no-“

Your worry increased as he started muttering words.

“Always remember-

mercy is a lie-

always remember-

I am filth-“

You had to put a stop to this.

“Maul!” you called.

“It’s just a dream” you vocalised as you softly put your hand on his right cheek with the caution of approaching a terrified creature barring its teeth.

“Maul! Wake up-“

Pain.

That’s the next thing you felt -sudden and throbbing- as Maul opened his golden eyes and swung the back of his hand at your head, muscle memory taking over.

As you tried to recoil and take control of the situation by sitting up properly, you heard a growl from the depths of his throat.

Maul bounced bewildered on top of you, pinning you by your throat and squeezing hard.

His other hand shot out to summon and ignite his crimson lightsaber, that’s resting dutifully on his nightstand.

Your hands flew to the strong hand choking you and clawing at it as you tried forcing out a sentence. Anything! But only a strangled sound came out of your throat.

That’s when his hand suddenly stilled and stopped squeezing the life out of you.

His bewildered, but oh so beautiful, golden eyes shone brightly into yours. The only sounds that could be perceived were the sharp intakes of breath coming out of the Zabrak above you and the rhythmic humming of his blade as he registered the lack of threat.

“Maul” you muttered weakly.

The red blade vanished into the silver hilt of the ancient weapon he was clinging to.

His shoulders sank as Maul realised who he was fighting. Heavy shame seeped into the marrow of his shaken bones.

His scared expression shifted to one of anger, instinctively processing the shame into deep-rooted self-hatred.

This subtle change did not go unnoticed by you.

The Zabrak retreated as he pulled himself from your body and flopped down next to you.

“Maul?” you called again, with a soft voice.

His only response was turning his whole body so he was facing the opposite direction of you and subtly curling into himself.

Now you were facing his bare, ink-covered back. You felt your heart breaking painfully slow as you saw your husband in this state.

The sheets rustled softly as your body tried closing the distance between you, but not quite touching yet.

The sound of heavy rainfall increased as a lightning bolt washed the room into a sudden white light.

You knew that the roar of thunder would follow in a matter of seconds.

But before the sound could pierce your ears, you saw Maul gently raise his right hand and quietly close the half-open window with the help of the force.

Maul slightly flinched as you gently put your hand on his upper arm. He didn’t draw his arm back or recoiled, letting your touch rest on him. Your pleading whispers broke the silence:

“Please don’t shut yourself off from me. Don’t push me away-“

“Your reaction time is deficient” he bluntly said in his raspy voice.

“I think I managed pretty well. I was just about to put you in a headlock” you joked, trying to lighten the mood.

The effect left much to be desired.

“Maul, look at me” you ordered.

After a moment, you felt him shift and turn around, now facing you.

You were sure you would never get used to how breathtakingly beautiful he was. You silently admired the contours of his crimson face, which was again set in a scowl.

But you could see behind the facade.

His own self-disgust was eating him alive.

“You know I can handle myself, right? It was a mistake, nothing else”

Maul only replied with a humph.

You looked down and took his hand into yours, tracing the black patterns with your thumb. “You wanna talk about it?”

An icy chill crept down your back as you remembered the harrowing dream he must have accidentally projected onto you with the force.

You feel dread form at the centre of your chest as you remember the agonising torture he endured at the hands of his master Darth Sidious.

Maul finally responded with a firm “Talking about it won’t make a difference, but only trouble you more”.

You frowned at him in silent disagreement, moving your body on top of him to straddle his hips.

Maul instinctively put his hands on your waist, holding you tight. The cold feeling of his cybernetic legs under you and the heat radiating off his body comforted you.

Your hand reached out to cradle his cheek, a singular finger brushing the base of the horn near his ear in a soothing gesture.

“You don’t deserve feeling like that, ever. I want to be there for you”

Maul removed one hand from your hip, caressing the hand holding him.

“These feelings are tied to me, as my soul is so unyieldingly tied to yours, my love” he rasped.

You tried ignoring the blush creeping into your cheeks and the flutter you felt in your heart.

“I felt your pain. It was agonising” you sighed.

“My apologies” he gave a quick peck to your hand “I will try to control myself better next time” he genuinely said.

Your heart sank at his words

“No!” you blurted out.

“You’re not alone with this, Maul. I want to help you. My well-being is tied to yours, as my soul is so unyieldingly tied to yours, my love” you cheekily responded, using the same words but nevertheless meaning it with all your heart.

The corners of Maul’s lips lifted up, oh so slightly, in a small smirk.

A small victory.

The corners of your lips lifted into a genuine smile in response.

You leaned down, resting your head into the crook of his neck and feeling his hearts beating. “You’re not alone” you muttered softly as you cradled him. “Ever.”

You basked in the comfort of holding him and feeling his warmth.

“I love you” you murmured, meaning every syllable of it.

Maul wrapped his arms around your body, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck, careful of his horns.

“I love you too.” Maul rasped in a soft mutter.

Your warmth and comfort soothed his nerves as your breaths evened out, and you drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

—