now is the discount on our winter tents

This is what Willem Defoe was writing on his detective pad

Give me some leeway, hit the head, learning the ropes, the cat is out of the bag, get underway, the cut of your jib, true colors, hand over fist

under the weather, in the doldrums, long shot, toe the line, groggy, aloof, overhaul, mainstay, pooped, keel over, in the offing, give a wide berth, footloose, flying colors, press into service, shake a leg

having a cyclical mental illness really does feel like being the world's most dogshit necromancer reanimating the same corpse every few months

maybe this time picking at Textures on my skin will lead to being silky smooth

bleeding

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

I do not want my fantasy media to be realistic. I want my fantasy media to be convincing.

That’s an excellent distinction.

Middle aged dad in a recliner

Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

And people say stuff like ‘lol don’t you hate it when you look up in the middle of the night and see a spider on your ceiling’ like bitch (!!) i could have Nicholas II last czar of Russia hangin from my ceiling fan and i would be none the wiser

My husband’s job primarily employs adult men but there is one (1) teenage girl and my husband said originally he worried she might be a bit of an outcast but instead every man on the crew was like “huh guess I am a dad/older brother now.”

She was in a car crash on the way to work one morning and called my husband to let him know she’d be late and he was like wtf guess I’m gonna be late too because I’m coming to pick you up and then he told his team and they were like I think you mean WE are coming.

Imagine you are a teenage girl probably rushing to get to work and you crash your probably new car and feel absolutely miserable and now you’ll be late to work but then suddenly in the distance a car full of all the adult men you work with just pulls up and is like “we came all the way here to pick you up” the mental image right now is fr.

This is possibly my favorite response to this post