Happy Place

This is me trying to tamp down my rage:

Your most glaring error is that you assume the guys who degrade me don’t do this.

My bull has choked and slapped me for getting on my knees while blowing him instead of squatting. He also drops off presents for me on my birthday, texts me memes when I’m sad, and makes me laugh almost every day. He is, in all manner of words, a true and loyal friend.

My boyfriend likes to fuck me in public and burns through my retinas with his focused stare. He also courted me for *years* before I even let him in my house. He visited me in the hospital when I was sick. He resists all his natural impulses to hug me when I’m crying because he knows I hate it- he came over and sat in silence with me on many “day three"s of depressive streaks where I couldn’t force myself to eat or shower just because I wanted another human nearby. He built me my record stands, replaced plumbing in my house, and makes me balloon animals on demand. He sneaks from work to bring me food on his lunch break.

And finally, you twit, I have never felt more beautiful or important than in the iridescent glow of my husband’s kind, warm eyes. He kills himself at his job to keep a roof over my head. He has helped me through the loss of loved ones, illness, injury. He almost lost his mind with worry when he witnessed my seizures in the middle of the night and I woke up not knowing where or who I was. He let me be myself. He trusted me to let other people in our lives. He cradles me and strokes my hair when I’m having panic attacks. When the store has my favorite kind of candy in stock, he buys every box just to see me grin for two seconds. He makes the best fucking chili you’ll ever have. He taught me how to shoot a bow and arrow.

He’s also rewarded me with the most consistently explosive orgasms of my life, which often have to do with shame and degradation. And, fancy that, having someone accept that about me makes me feel more loved and cherished.

When she’s putting on her make up, walk up behind her. Brush her hair lightly out of the way and kiss her neck. Put a hand on her ass and grab it, firmly. Not in a playful way. 

You’re claiming her.

As she starts to respond, reach your other hand up and grip her neck. Just hard enough to make her wonder. 

Whisper in her ear, “Be good today.”

This is a topic that’s been in some discussion lately. Cliff at The Pervocracy posted about it recently (and has been doing so for most of his/her blogging career); it’s come up in my social circles. There’s some issues, as always.  Allow me to present them in a somewhat-organized fashion.

“But it’s MISOGYNISTIC to ALLOW MEN to BEAT WOMEN!”

If we were discussing an event that was not pre-negotiated, involving no consent, this would be completely true. But it isn’t. You see, kink is ALL ABOUT consent, because kink without consent is rape and abuse. If a sub has not given the green light, the dom doesn’t play. End of story.

Obviously there are some shady people out there who will do so anyway, but they are not representative of kinksters at large. They are rapists. Plain and simple. Their connections with the “scene” have nothing to do with it. Considering all kinky people rapists because of a few kinky rapists is like considering all black people rapists because of a few black rapists.

“But it’s reinforcing sexist gender roles!” Actually, no. You’re reinforcing sexist gender roles by suggesting that said gender roles actually have anything to do with it. I do not like to be hit and talked down to and tied up because I am a woman. I like to be hit and talked down to and tied up because I like to be hit and talked down to and tied up. There are lots of men who like these things, too. Suggesting that these men are less manly for these preferences is…..you guessed it! Sexist!

“But it’s demeaning to women!”