Soft Zen

The pipeline….

i’ve been seeing way to much transandrophobia lately

so i want to try something

reblog if your blog is a safe space for transmascs

please. we need the support.

adding a reblog bait tw here, because some might need it <3

Making fun of a group of people that are privileged over you is one thing, but wishing non-cartoonish violence and death on them ("they should fall off a cliff" vs. "they should be wiped out"), wishing sexual violence on them, dehumanising them, claiming that they're less capable of creating art or living meaningful lives, saying that their relationships are inherently shallow and fake - these things are fucked up. I understand venting and saying extreme things when in pain, but when you find yourself regularly posting about wanting certain people tortured and killed, you need to examine that.

I always think of the Rwandan Genocide when it comes to this. Thank you for bringing it up.

In particular, from that second link:

Assaulter: *stops assaulting me to thoroughly read my birth certificate* oh my apologies! When I assaulted you for your gender nonconformity I believed you were a trans woman! I am very educated on trans identity and so I now know that is untrue. Now that I know that you have an f on your birth certificate I will no longer assault you now, because people viewed as cis women are never sexually assaulted for gender nonconformity.

“you can’t call it transmisandry, misandry isn’t real and is an MRA talking point”

ok, my experience with transandrophobia—

“you’re not experiencing oppression for being a man, you’re just experiencing misogyny and transphobia (but you can’t call it transmisogyny, that doesn’t apply to you)”

ok, my experience with isomisogyny—

“you don’t experience misogyny, you’re a man, and you can’t call it your own special brand of misogyny anyways, you don’t have it worse than anyone else”

ok, my experience with anti-transmasculinity—

“transmasculinity is rewarded, as is all expressions of masculinity in this society. You’re transitioning into privilege”

ok, my experience with transandromisia—

“you don’t experience oppression, look at all these stupid words you made up to make yourself feel special you little birthday boy tMRA”

& then while looking this up i see this:

Curiously, in a leaked early draft of the screenplay, Marcus (then named Andrew) did not have a husband, but instead a wife named Ginny. The description of Ginny's death isn't as graphic as what made it onscreen with Terry, but it's possible the filmmakers determined watching a husband murder a wife would be too upsetting in terms of gendered violence. That would leave two options to keep the scene while avoiding the violence against women issue: Switch the characters' genders, or make them a gay couple. Since Marcus needs to be bulky enough that even Archer Graff (Josh Brolin) can't stop him, it made the most sense for Marcus and his partner to both be men.

absolute bullshit el em ay oh. first of all, this character is being mind-controlled by a fucking witch. second of all, big strong women exist! you could just. hire an actress who is tall and built! one of my real life principals at my real life high school was a woman who got a full ride basketball scholarship in college and was 6 ft tall or nearly that. so yeah i can absolutely buy there being a school principal who is a tall athletic woman.

and third of all, he's being mind controlled by a fucking witch, i think we can spare a little suspension of disbelief. hmmmmmmmmm which is preferable, inverting tropes of gendered violence by having the principal be a woman who ends up murdering her husband and she can't by physically stopped because Evil Witch Magic, or including one gay character of color (get put all that diversity into one character ofc!) who we only find out is gay before he gruesomely murders his husband and then is gruesomely killed himself on screen. in a film with very few on screen deaths. like i'm sorry but having a cunty villain does not make up for this. idccccccc just make Archer gay and asian you coward!!!!!! there's literally no reason he couldn't have been a gay man of color with the exact same storyline.

I think I hate tumblr.

The idea that "having fragile masculinity" is inherently a personality defect or moral failing is patriarchal. So much of this kind of bullshit is people taking fundamentally patriarchal ideas of manhood (for example, that men being vulnerable is a defect or moral failing) and defining it around slightly more feminist values.

Like, the only thing that is different from bog standard patriarchy here is the inclusion of "macho." But like, the idea that there are "fragile" men who fail to be "real men" with unshakeable firm masculinity, and they also secretly have small penises and are biologically less manly compared to "real men" whose real manhood can be located in their large penises... babe that's just toxic masculinity. The same "macho" shit you hate those men for, you yourself engage in, just a little to the left.

I'm going to hold your hand as I say this to you. Those same expectations are placed on trans men. Trans men are also expected to be mothers and wives. Trans men also face misogyny and are harmed by it, in the same ways cisgender women are.

It reads like a lot of people think of trans men as Cis Dudes With Pussies when the vast majority of trans men are living (or have lived) many of the same experiences as cis women, and should be included in these conversations.

but this is why i need everyone to be more aware of anti-transmasculinity. because this is the foundational presumption cis feminists have been making about trans men & transmascs since they heard of the concept. trans men&mascs, as trans people, have been excluded from feminism since feminism began, and unfortunately that includes the majority of transfeminism as well. it shouldn't be shocking that on a site with a large population of trans people, a lot of trans people relate to posts about misogyny, and a lot of trans people who grew up being classed as girls and women and having those expectations forced onto them are trans men&mascs. and i'm sure a lot of them also do not think that to be a woman is to want to fulfill patriarchal stereotypes, but rather they are desperate to actually have their lived experiences as trans men affected profoundly by the patriarchal role of daughterwifemother to be recognized and verbalized.

This is a really good example of how TERFs disguise their attacks against trans men, and why it’s so harmful to consider TERF attitudes towards trans mascs as infantilizing.

The post is made to appear sympathetic to the man they are mocking. “Look at this poor ‘girl’ and how he’s mutilated himself” sounds sympathetic, especially to trans people who are subjected to aggressive, direct attacks on their identities and humanity.

But this performative sympathy is just a front so that TERFs can enjoy being cruel without appearing as the aggressor. This allows the audience to still enjoy the pleasure of engaging in cruelty while dressing it up as pity.

This plays into the broader tactic TERFs deploy with trans mascs.

Rarely ever do they confront us directly the way they do with trans women.

In fact, because they see us as women, their primary objective is to make sure we are never ever heard at all, so that they can maintain the narrative that none of us would ever transition of our own free will.

Instead, they poison the well. They talk to our “handlers”. Our parents, our doctors and psychiatrists, our husbands, boyfriends, our pastors.

The veneer of sympathy is not to appeal to trans men. It is to appeal to those they see as having ownership over us. When trans men fight back against this, the malice comes out in full force.

I'm tired of being used by TERFs as "proof" that trans people are predators targeting "helpless little girls".

I'm tired of being used by TRFs as "proof" that men in all forms are monsters for daring to speak about the bigotry trans men face.

I'm tired of being used by "allys" as a gotcha, or 'is this who you want in the women's restroom?'

I'm tired of being afraid to use public bathrooms. I'm tired of examining why.

I'm tired of convincing myself that being masculine is not equivalent to being a monster. I'm tired of defending myself for being proud of my masculinity.

I'm tired of having to claim and account for every point of nuance before making a positive statement about masculinity.

I'm tired of the "I hate men", the "men should die", and the following "you don't count [you're not a man to me, you should know this]". I'm tired of my identity being an exception.

I'm tired of being held to a suffocating, high standard lest I trip up and "prove" that I'm just in it for the privilege.

I'm tired of scouring trans representation/ trans pride media and finding no one like me.

I'm tired of facing the same shit I did before my transition, and not being allowed to call it misogyny.

I'm tired of defending my medical rights, only to be told they don't apply to people like me.

I'm tired of people telling me who I am, who I should be. I'm tired of people telling me how I suffer, how I live.

Non-transmasc: "hey, actually I don't like that word because of some definition, implication, or association I made up and then got mad at. Stop using this word!"

Transmasc: "okay, I will stop using the word. Will you help me fight the oppression that this word would have described?"

I’m sorry to the transmascs/men who were fearmongered into believing that testosterone would make you ugly, or that any form of masculinity was objectively dangerous and evil.

I’m sorry to the transmascs/men who were told that they were too stupid and naive to know what they wanted.

I’m sorry to the transmascs/trans men whose identities were mocked, shamed and belittled.

I’m sorry to the transmascs/trans men who were slammed as fetishizers for expressing the desire to be gay men.

I’m sorry to the transmascs/trans men who’ve been called everything from daughter killers to predators-in-the-making.

I’m sorry to the transmascs/men who don’t feel like they have any community behind them.

I’m sorry to the transmascs/trans men who have been forced to detransition.

I’m sorry to the transmascs who have been forcibly impregnated, put into arranged marriages, or denied basic autonomy.

I’m sorry to the transmascs/men who died before ever getting to live.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

“If you don’t like being treated like a traitor or a predator, you shouldn't have transitioned” is victim blaming and transphobia.

“If you can’t handle the bigotry that comes with being transgender, you must not be a real man” is victim blaming and transphobia.

"I've decided that I have it worse than you and that the pain you feel isn't real or important, so just suck it up and get over yourself" is victim blaming and transphobia.

Bigotry against trans men is just as real and just as wrong as bigotry against any other marginalized person. Being a man doesn't mean that you won't ever be hurt when people refuse to treat you with basic human decency. It doesn't mean that you'll never need help and support. It definitely doesn't mean that you deserve other people's hatred.