You say, turning your head behind your shoulder before looking back at your hands. Your fingers working their magic on the keypad. You never really understood why Bruce locks his cookies like this. It's not like you guys were gonna steal it.
Damian nodded and turned around, crossing his arms and leaning on the wall. Jason turned around just to snap his head back at you. “What?” He asked, shaking his head like you just gave him an insult.
“If you can't understand simple instructions on a cookie heist—”
“I understood!” Jason whispered back from the crouched position he was in. You rolled your eyes and looked over your shoulder. “It just doesn't make sense.”
You raised your bottom lip and looked him up and down. You gave him clear instructions, and he made a big deal of them. “Work faster, would ya?” Tim rushed into your ear, the headpiece he had left for you beeping as it activated.
You hissed, rubbing your ear on your shoulder. “Can it, Tim!” You whispered harshly after you lifted your head up. You brought your hand up to your ear and tried to lower the volume. “What doesn't make sense about—?”
“Pennyworth's coming,” Damian informed you in a rush, pushing himself off of the wall. He narrowed his wide eyes at the butler before turning his head to you.
You shifted in the crouched position you were in, a hand to the floor to keep yourself steady. “Distráelo,” you whispered, nodding up at him. “ya casi termino.” He nodded before walking off.
“Jason, tirame las aguas,” you said to him, lifting your head up to look at him. He furrowed his brows at you, you thought it was because you said his name in a Spanish accent. You rolled your eyes, turning to the keypad and typing in other codes that Bruce would use.
“I don't-I don't know what that means.” He stuttered, leaning forward.
“Really, dude?” The voice of Tim came through the comms. You slapped your palm on your ear and took the piece out with a hiss. A chill running down your spine. He must have added volume right after you turned it down. He was a menace.
“Not gonna lie—same!” He chuckled. Jason groaned, reaching out to the headpiece. You sat on your bum and rubbed your ear, groaning. This better be where Bruce keeps his cookies.
“Same what?” Jason questioned, lowering the volume on the earpiece.
“That you don't know what it means.” Tim said with a mouthful. It gave you an idea he was finished patrol and stopped by for a snack.
“Jason, tirame las aguas!” You rushed him. You knew Damian could not keep Alfred away forever. And Bruce could come any minute from patrol.
“I don't know what that means!” He yelled.
You tsked and pulled at the lock. “Tim, si no te apuras te voy a matar!” You whispered harshly. You grunted, hitting the lock with your palm. You wanted those cookies, you were getting those cookies!
You inhaled, a sharp gasp as you turned your head behind yourself. “Jason!” You whispered, narrowing your eyes. “Tirame. Las. Aguas!” You said, emphasizing your words by widening and narrowing your eyes at him.
“I don't know what the fuck that means!” He whispered, glaring at you. “Do you really want me to throw you the waters? The waters! With an 's'?”
“What?” You furrowed your brows before grunting as you sucked in your bottom lip. You turned back to the keypad, why did Bruce decide to change the location to the floor at the pantry? You didn't think anyone but Jason was allowed in the kitchen.
“Jason, presta atención a la puerta.” You said, trying to clarify.
“They do look sick! I think it's a virus. We must give them medical attention at once.”
Jason peered over his shoulder before he turned back to you. “Why?”
“Code Black!” Tim's frantic voice came through the headpiece.
“What?” You said, turning your head to look behind you.
“Bats on the way home!” He informed, and you could tell he was running.
“Do you want them to die!?”
“Did he catch you?” Jason asked, raising a brow at the headpiece.
Tim scoffed, “Of course not. He got an alarm.”
“Who has an alarm on their cookie jar?”
“Bruce, apa—aparentemente,” you said, pulling at the lock. "y nos va a matar." You say in a whine before snapping your head behind you. “Después de que te mate yo!” You whispered at Jason.
“I don't understand what that means.” He said once again with narrowed eyes.
“Mira, mocoso, hijo del Diablo,” you start, turning to him and abandoning the lock. "como que no sabes? Si te hablo en español todos los días."
“That specific phrase has never been muttered—” he pointed a finger at you making you gasp.
“Como te atreves!” You lean forward just to smack his hand away. “Tu me respetas—me importa un pepino si sos más grande que yo, jueputa!”
“Guys!” Damian said, peering over the door. “Alfred's on his way.”
You groaned and slapped the back of Jason's head which was open to the hit once he turned his head to the little demon brat. “Ow!”
“Que te dije que me tiren las aguas!”
“Why would I throw waters at you?” He yelled, rubbing the back of his head as he turned to look at you. “Waters!”
Damian sighed, shaking his head. “Being around you has made me lose brain cells and unable to make up a great excuse. But then again all your yelling didn't help.” He looked back at the two of you, narrowing his eyes—he hadn't realized until now the two of you were working in the dark and his older brother's eyes were glowing.
He paid no mind to that; the two of you were weird anyway. "I will be heading to the Batcave. I must check on Batcow and Alfred the Cat and make sure they have not caught a sickness. I will accept any punishment from Father once he finds out about this, but I will not leave their side until further notice. Good night, and I love you—not you, Todd.”
“Adiós! Descansa! Dile a los bebés qué los quiero, te amo!” He took a step back and rushed out of the kitchen, evading Alfred. He huffed and made his way to the kitchen pantry. “'Perate!” You yelled, realizing what that meant.
You quickly grabbed the doorknob and closed the door. “Esto es tu culpa!” You say, turning your head to Jason.
“My fault?” He yelled, a hand to his chest. “This is your fault!” He pointed his finger at you because he found that you took it as an insult.
You gasped and stretched your foot out to hit him. He fell back and glared at you. Your foot only missed again. You decide to stand up and kick him, but he just grabbed your ankle and tossed it aside. “Ey!”
You fall to your knee and glare at him. A knock at the pantry door makes you two freeze. You pull at the doorknob, putting all your weight into holding the door closed. “Mrs.—”
“It's okay, Alfred, I'm just very hungry.” You say before he could say anything. “You know, you buy the best snacks—healthy yet yummy!” You chuckle, tilting your head to your shoulder.
“We've been caught, kiddo.” Jason whispers next to you. He narrowed his eyes at you as you didn't reply.
“If you are as hungry as you say why don't I make you and master Jason something.” Alfred offered, his hands behind his back.
“You can take him,” you said loudly, turning your head to him, narrowing your eyes. “all yours.”
“What?” His eyes widened.
“You can call me when dinner is ready.” You nodded your head at the door, hoping—praying he would get it.
He rolled his eyes and stood up. You let go of the doorknob quietly and pushed yourself to the wall, tucking your knees close to you. He opened the door, his eyes stopped glowing. “Hey, Alfred.”
You tapped his shin, trying to get him to keep moving—the light was killing you. He rolled his eyes and stepped out, closing the door behind him. “Are they okay?” Alfred raised a brow.
“Eh, sort of.” He shrugged. You crawled to the door and pulled down on the doorknob. Jason crossed his arms with a bored expression—he really wanted those cookies. “S'just back to her old habits.”
Alfred narrowed his eyes. There was nothing to go back to if it was always there.
“He's here, he's—” Tim froze as he saw Alfred. “—Alfred. Hey! Hi, Alfred. Hi, Alfred. Hi, Alfred.” His hands flew behind his back, smiling awkwardly at him.
Jason raised a brow, coughing in his fist. “Uh, right, where's—” a loud alarm rang through the house.
“I got it!” You yelled, kicking the pantry door. Jason yelped and jumped out of the way as Alfred simply took a few steps back. “Te dije qué podría hacerlo, hijos de—” seeing Alfred you settled with a nicer insult. “de vuestro padre hermoso.”
You cleared your throat, hugging the jar of cookies close to your chest. Your irises flickered from Alfred to Jason to Tim as you side-stepped. “Haha!” You exclaimed before running past Tim, holding the jar above your head.
“Hey!” The two guys yelled before running after you. “We were supposed to share those!” Tim yelled after you.
“You were never gonna share those, were you?” Jason yelled.
You ran as fast as you could, not letting yourself get caught. You and your little gremlin laugh were caught off by dark green eyes glaring at you. You yelped before slowing your run. “Beloved, you will share those, won't you?”
“Nope!” You say, running around him. Damian scoffed, turning around to look behind his shoulder. “Ni lo pienses, amor mío!” You laugh before screaming as Batcow mooed at you. “Tramposo!” You yelled as you fell on your bum.
Damian walked to you, Alfred the cat in arms. “You will share.” He said firmly.
“'Ta bien!” You huffed, still holding the jar in your arms. “Pero vámonos qué ya viene el suegro.” You stood up, glaring at him. “Y tu sabes cómo se pone el viejo ese. Baba-in-law nos va a matar pero yo esperó qué te mate primero mientras yo me cómo las demás galletas.”
“Put those back.” The menacing voice of Bruce said behind the two. He ignored the cow inside the manor plus the insult and focused his eyes on the cookie jar.
“Give those back you—” Tim cut himself off and stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Bruce dressed in his suit standing menacingly behind the two of you.
“Move it, Replece—what the fuck?” Jason cut himself off as well. He did not flinch at the fact that his father was there. Mostly that Batcow was in the manor. He will fight his father if he has to and you know this.
“Aguas!” You yelled, turning to face your brothers-in-law before throwing the jar of cookies. Jason was the first to respond to the call since he still wonders why the hell you are yelling out waters!
Bruce wasted no time in attacking. And Jason wasted no time in attacking back. Tim yelped, getting knocked down. He huffed, the air leaving his lungs. “Corre, hijo de puta!” You yelled before turning to run yourself.
All you knew was that it was chaos. You hid behind a wall, Alfred the cat joining you after getting knocked out of Damian's arms by Jason on accident—the man swears!—making the boy join the fight.
Tim was the only one who was not in the battle. You knew this, of course. He's tactical. Strategetic. And definitely won't share with his dear sibling-in-law. You grabbed Alfred the cat and made your way past their little cartoonish dust battle, passing Alfred who didn't look too happy about the fight.
You rounded the corner and started running, holding poor Alfred the cat in your arms like a little baby. You slowed down once you saw Tim holding the cookie jar. He was about to open it when Duke appeared from behind him with Steph. “Heeeyyy! Whatcha got there?”
You narrowed your eyes and placed little Alfred the cat down and dashed forward. “Uh, nothing?” Tim shrugged a shoulder as he closed the lid with an awkward smile. He gasped once the jar was snatched from his hands.
“Son mías!” You laughed, a little evil Stich laugh.
You rounded the corner and pressed your palm to the wall. The wall parted and you dashed forward, bricks closing in and paint sealing the entrance. Tim grunted as he followed after you. “Oooh, a race?” Steph giggled and stretched her hand to her side, slapping Duke in the stomach, “Whoever finds the cookie jar first gets to eat it all!” She yelled before rushing after Tim.
Duke grunted, holding his middle. “I think the cookies will be long gone by then.”
The walls opened and you settled into the bed. The walls closed in, the paint re-sealing the secret passage. You laughed as you opened the cookie jar. You took one out and was about to take a bite when a little moo and meow was heard. You turned your head and smiled, lowering the cookie.
Still stuck in adrenaline you said, “Hola, bebés.”
“Share.” You gasped, clutching the cookie jar, wrapping your legs around it, and bringing your knees close. Damian stood at the other side of the bed. He either found a secret passage or he was that damn sneaky. You'll take the second one.
“Hubi,” you pressed your lips into a thin line. You sighed and relaxed your legs and arms. You placed the cookie jar next to you as he climbed on. You turned to the two animals and gestured them over. They slowly made their way to you as you took a bite of the cookie.
“We should do this more often.” You say, petting Batcow as Alfred the cat jumps on Damian's bed.
“Agreed, habibti.” He smirked, he had definitely struck a few blows on his family. You shrugged, looking at the half biten cookie in your hands.
“I wonder if he has a tracker inside the cookies.”
“That's too extreme even for him.” He says, petting Alfred the cat who snuggled on his lap. He looks at you and rests his head on your shoulder.
“Eh, las cosas qué uno hace por la comida.” You said before biting the rest of your cookie. Damian smiled, wrapping his arm around your waist, caressing the extra fat there.
He lifted his head and you turned to look at him, grabbing another cookie from the jar. “True, you did marry me back at Nanda Parbat after my mother held a dinner for us.”
You scoffed, turning your head the other way. “That is absurd. Yo nunca me casé contigo solo por la comida.”
“Then why are you speaking Spanish, amada?” He teased, leaning in and kissing your cheek with a cheeky smile. You turned your head to him, licking your lips.
You pouted, “Porque yo puedo?”
“That sounded like a question.” He chuckled, kissing just beneath your eye. You smiled, scrunching your nose. “Go on, let's finish these before they come banging on our door.” He lightly squeezed the fat on your side and leaned to kiss the corner of your lips.
“They wouldn't dare.” You say, nuzzling your head against his. He chuckled, leaning against you.
You gasped as you felt the cookie in your hand disappear. “Batcow!” You snap your head to your right and gape at the cow eating your cookie. “No, eso puede ser malo para a tí, corazón!”
Damian panicked as well, getting out of the bed. “Drop it!" He told his pet, his eyes narrowing as he held the cow's muzzle.
“Give us the cookies!” Steph yelled as she slammed the door open.
“Not now!” Damian yelled back.
“Call Alfred, our babies are dying!” You yelled as you held Alfred the cat from biting the cookies that slipped out of the knocked-over cookie jar.
Damian groaned, glaring at you. Steph stepped back and dashed off, “Alfred!”
“You jinxed it, Damian!” You yell, kicking the jar off of the bed as you held Alfred the cat high above your head.
Incorrect quotes aftermath.
"Tirame las aguas." - "Throw me the waters." - Old Mexican slang for watching/looking out.
"Distráelo," - "Distract him,"
"ya casi termino." - "I'm almost done."
"Jason, tirame las aguas," - "Jason, throw me the waters." - Basically saying for him to keep an eye out.
"...si no te apuras te voy a matar!" - "..if you don't hurry I will kill you!"
"Tirame. Las. Aguas!" - "Throw me. The. Waters!"
"...presta atención a la puerta." - '...pay attention to the door."
"...apa—aparentemente," - "...ap-apparently,"
"y nos va a matar." - "and he's going to kill us."
"Después de que te mate yo!" - "After I kill you!"
"Mira, mocoso, hijo del Diablo," - "Look, you brat, son of the Devil," - It sounds better in Spanish, trust.
"como que no sabes? Si te hablo en español todos los días." - "What do you mean you don't know? If I speak to you in Spanish every day."
"Como te atreves!" - "How dare you!" - Pointing at someone is considered rude in some places.
"Tu me respetas—me importa un pepino si sos más grande que yo, jueputa!" - "You respect me—I don't give a damn if you're bigger than me, motherfucker! - Fits Jason, I guess.
"Que te dije que me tiren las aguas!" - "I told you to throw waters at me!" - "I told you to keep an eye out for me!"
"Adiós! Descansa! Dile a los bebés qué los quiero, te amo!" - "Goodbye! Rest! Tell the babies that I love them, I love you!"
"'Perate!" - "Stop!" - Full word for stop is "Esperate"
"Esto es tu culpa!" - "This is your fault!"
"Te dije qué podría hacerlo, hijos de—" - "I told you I could do it, sons of—"
"de vuestro padre hermoso." - "of your beautiful father."
"Ni lo pienses, amor mío!" - "Don't even think about it, my love!"
"'Ta bien!" - "Fine!"/"Okay!"
"Pero vámonos qué ya viene el suegro." - "But let's go, that father-in-law is coming."
"Y tu sabes cómo se pone el viejo ese. Baba-in-law nos va a matar pero yo esperó qué te mate primero mientras yo me cómo las demás galletas." - "And you know how that old man gets. Baba-in-law is going to kill us but I'm hoping that he kills you first while I eat the rest of the cookies." - "Baba" = "Father" in Arabic.
"Aguas!" - "Waters!" - "Watch out!"
"Corre, hijo de puta!" - "Run, son of a bitch!"
"Son mías!" - "They're mine!"
"Hola, bebés." - "Hi, babies."
"Hubi," - "My love," in Arabic gender-neutral version, I think.
"...habibti," - "My love," Female version in Arabic, 100% know. Gotta add the 't'!
"Eh, las cosas qué uno hace por la comida." - "Eh, the things one does for food."
"Yo nunca me casé contigo solo por la comida." - "I never married you just for the food."
"...amada." - "Beloved." - Female version - "Amado" for male
"Porque yo puedo?" - "Because I can?"
"No, eso puede ser malo para a tí, corazón!" - "No, that can be bad for you, sweetheart!"
