✧ OBEY YOUR MASTER! ✧

sometimes i get weirdly anxious about the fact that thousands of years of evolution have led to my specific bloodline and it will almost certainly be ending with me. but then i remember the same is true of like every fly that dies in a drink before it gets the chance to reproduce so like. who am i to get all precious about the concept of bloodlines really. who give a shit. my ancestors arent any better than that flys ancestors.

sometimes being a fan of something means not wanting them to make any more of it

reminder that if you like k/l/l/i/n/g/s/t/a/l/k/i/n/g every single character from steven universe hates you

i love having friends who can communicate like adults it's so cool

Some drunk dick just whapped my mirror off i gotta get that fixed.

how did I never once think to use tape fuck

one time as a kid I forcefully shoved two magnets together, and these were the strong magnets my dad used in his shop to pick-up missing little metal bits, and I held them really tightly in the palm of my hand, went up to this one kid who legit said things like “I think black cats are bad, they should be drowned” and drew crosses on the notebooks of kids if she found out they didn’t go to church, I told her “Hey. I’m a witch. If you don’t stop trying to hurt animals and picking on kids, I’ll use my magic to throw you into the sky”, and when she dared to doubt my powers I told her that I had two “rocks” in my hand that I could send across the playground, then I opened my hand the the magnets shot off in two different directions (we were over in a spot that was empty, so no other kids were around, nobody got hurt), one of them stuck to a drainpipe and the other stuck to a fence. This kid SCREAMED, and ran to the office, and I guess had her mom pick her up from school, and then she wasn’t there for a couple of days, finally her mom called my house and claimed I had “traumatized her daughter by performing a terrifying magic trick”, and when my parents asked what I did I just said “I showed her a magnet and she flipped out. She’s not gonna be happy when she finds out about gravity, either”. eventually this kid came back to school and always made a point to come up to me and say “Hey, my mom told me not to talk to you!”, and would just be like “Good job, you already screwed that up”

Holy shit

got my girlfriend into chuck tingle’s horror and we both bought a different book of his to the pool which summoned a bear who came over and was like MY MAN CHUCK TINGLE before diving into the pool

you see what happens when you enter the tingleverse?

I’m sitting here in the dark eating fruit gummies, using my phone screen’s light to identify each flavor before putting it in my mouth.

Only ONE orange gummy between 2 packs? The factory will be seeing me posthaste.