I think I said a while ago that it would be more apt to say You Weren’t Meant To Be Human sexualizes rather than romanticizes rape and domestic abuse, but looking back on it, I’m starting to believe the book does both. It’s just that this romanticization is carried out in a distinctively edgy way that sort of gives the impression that the subject matter is being handled properly.
For clarification; what constitutes romanticization, as opposed to sexualization, and how does YWMTBH do both?
Romanticization: Defined as “the act of treating a subject as more desirable or attractive than it is in reality.”
Sexualization: Defined as “the act of seeing someone or something in sexual terms.”
We already know that YWMTBH sexualizes rape and domestic violence, because Andrew Joseph White admits to it himself. That being established, the main thing that gives the impression that YWMTBH doesn’t romanticize abuse is the presence of the abuses in YWMTBH having some legitimate consequences, mainly with respect to the story culminating in Levi being killed by Crane in self-defense. That being said, while the book does not fully romanticize the abuse depicted in it, the rape and abuse depictions in it are still at least partially romanticized in that they are meant to make Crane seem “beautifully broken”, or relatable in a way that aestheticizes his trauma, and while including the consequences of his abuse at least mitigates some of this, this does not erase this romanticization entirely.
As an example of how someone can include the consequences of violence while still romanticizing it; some Tumblr user with a black and red themed blog with a raw meat header reblogging gore and self harm photos is romanticizing violence. A conservative Facebook user with bible quotes in their bio, who posts aestheticized pictures of land or other valuables stolen from victims of ICE deportations, is also romanticizing violence. They’re just doing it in ways that are aesthetically different. The hypothetical Tumblr user may at least seem more self aware, they may post about mental illness and make it clear they are unhealthy and their actions should not be emulated, but they are still portraying violence through an ultimately romantic lens; it’s just that what they see as romantic is offputting to most. Therefore, the story including very graphic or disturbing content does NOT mean it does not romanticize what’s in it. From a fundamental perspective, Crane’s zoophilia, rape fetishism, and general mental illness is something meant to make him seem “deep” on its own, despite not being explained. It is depicted over and over again, but never explored. It exists only for aesthetic purposes, but does not have any further meaning.
Andrew Joseph White comes off as being an author willing to depict gritty and disgusting situations because of the graphic rape scenes in You Weren’t Meant To Be Human, but this isn’t him committing to realism, this is him just having a rape fetish. You know how certain apocalypse shows will claim that their graphic depictions of rape and sexual violence are “realism”, yet never depict anyone having unshaved legs or diarrhea or any other setting-typical gross thing? Yeah, that’s kind of the same idea here. As an example, Crane from YWMTBH was being forced to carry a baby that his cult clearly wanted healthy, yet he was never forced to stop smoking, seek prenatal care, or eat a healthy diet. These things would have all been incredibly disturbing to depict, as they would have been massive violations of Crane’s autonomy, with the inability to smoke or eat his safe foods being an infringement he would have to deal with literally every day of his pregnancy. But those are not “disturbing things Andrew can jack off to”, they are just “disturbing things”, and so he had no interest in them.
I would cringe massively if forced to write about a character having their misophonia intentionally triggered, and Andrew would probably do the same thing if forced to write an autistic character with obvious ARFID being made to eat unsafe foods. From this, we can assume that Andrew just likes writing rape scenes; yet, because it is TOO horrific and cannot fit into his romanticized ideal of an edgy, off-putting and “aesthetically broken” neurodivergent trans man, he would never depict something as visceral (lol) as Crane being forced to eat a normal diet or otherwise do something to ensure the survival of the baby he is being forced to have. The bare minimum that this story gets in its defense is that Crane kills Levi at the end, but considering that Andrew clearly wants him to be some hot cisgender daddy dom straight out of a booktok biker fetish with a bunch of military and misgendering kink shit going on, that only barely elevates this book above Haunting Adeline or some other dark romance book shit.
In general, aside from the potential consequences of Crane’s forced pregnancy being ignored if they cannot be sexualized, the psychological aspects of his abuse just aren’t explored with much depth unless it is specifically some paraphile shit. Crane is never permanently and meaningfully isolated or meant to feel alone and crazy; Jess, Stagger and Tammy all exhibit some level of sympathy for him and essentially tell him that they would help him if not for the cult, which doesn’t fit well for characters that are all supposed to be cult loyalists. Is the point of a cult NOT to isolate their members? Crane’s parents just show up at the end to save him, and Aspen and Birdie are also revealed to still be in Crane’s life in the bonus chapter, meaning that any sort of damage to Crane’s relationships was rendered useless. Isolation from any sort of outside help is probably THE most pressing aspect of a domestically violent relationship, but this is something that cannot easily be sexualized in comparison to a graphic rape scene, so it was either left out or explicitly undone. Exploring the psychological aspects of domestic violence would make Crane seem traumatized in a way that people would be truly disturbed by, not in a way people could make moodboards with pictures of dog teeth and bruised knuckles about.
Long story short: You COULD make the argument that YWMTBH at least shows the abuses in the story as a bad thing and therefore avoids romanticization, but in my opinion, that is literally the bare minimum of what someone should do when depicting domestic violence. The story goes out of its way to depict scenes of sexualized abuse and rape in graphic detail, but similarly realistic forms of abuse or horror that don’t have sexual elements are not described or even used in the story period, giving the impression that the domestic violence in YWMTBH is romanticized because it is used to make Crane seem more profound, well-written, and/or multifaceted solely by virtue of him having experienced graphic on-page abuse.
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