Communist Mothman

So ya boy's about to have a panic attack (For the sake of this exercise, assume I am "ya boy" in whatever context that makes sense to you)

But with the aid of divine intervention (a weighted blanked and a hug) I was able to think clearly enough to examine the predicament There wasn't anything specific making me anxious, just little irritating anxieties that can be drowned out by more stimulus.

Option 1: Cartoons Too anxious, can't choose what to watch

Option 2: drown out little anxiety with Big anxiety? Like being anxious about how anxious I was? tried that, That's how anxiety buzz nearly became a panic attack. (didn't help)

Big pain? Maybe… Optional sources? Any opportunities to do something stupid? I've got work on Monday, I can't do that shit anymore. The aforementioned divine intervention could probably be persuaded to give me a belting at 8PM, but it's 1 AM No mosh pits accessible

Mosh pits are interesting, I hate crowds, They're pure anxiety for me. I'm a big guy, I'm exuberant, Crowds are hard to move in, and you can't move without touching someone else. I love concerts and mosh pits. Because I can't hear all those little anxieties of being in a crowd. They all melt away and I throw myself bodily into a sea of humanity, breaking like a wave on the rocks. All because all those little anxieties are drowned out by the band. 100 little voices silenced by one big one.

I made a batch of homemade sweet and spicy pickles last week. They're amazing If eaten alone they hit the back of your throat and it feels like it sends an electrical impulse to your ears. Also they're too vinegary (They're great on a sandwich, but on their own, they're a travesty)

So I walked out of my room, still draped in my weighted blanket armor. Pick up this jar of pickles that are toppings and should never be eaten on their own for any reason because it feels like you soft rebooted

And take a big swig of the brine (Also ate the garlic clove)

Not everyone can punch nazis. But there are a lot of ways to make them feel unsafe in your scene.

- key their cars

-steal their shit

-encourage the venue to not serve them.

- be outwardly and loudly political

- refuse to talk to them.

Just generally bully them

They should never feel safe in your scene

Either Opossums are adorable or you're a cop.

When I was a little kid I wanted to be a pastor. I loved the stories in the Bible and thought that if everyone heard these stories then we'd all be happy.

The reason I didn't pursue it was because I saw the lessons that adults took from the Bible were so different from the ones I took from it. And thought "Oh. I shouldn't be a pastor if I read this book so wrong"

The fact that anyone would every kill in the name of a god that wanted us all to be brothers seemed so foreign to me, but dad said we needed to kill Muslims in God's name so it must have been for God. The pastor at Church said that being gay was an afront to God so obviously the Bible said that gay people were evil, I'd just missed it. Does this mean I'm a bad person if I like boys? That guy on TV with a Bible is saying that homeless people are only poor because they're immoral and God is mad at them, so of course God doesn't want us to help the poor, because they wouldn't let they guy on TV if he didn't know what he was talking about. Oh, and one of God's favorite ways to show that he was angry at someone was by destroying their homes. That's why the people on Fox news said that the hurricane was punishment for them being immoral.

Clearly I could never be a pastor if I so badly misunderstood this book. If I could get a message about being happy with a simple life, approaching everyone with Empathy and love, and giving freely to your neighbors?

Prepping for Dumb Supper for tomorrow. We're celebrating Samhain on the second night because it'll be easier on Friday. Checked all my ingredients and made a list of what I need for tomorrow.

The menu

Bread- Pumpkin Sourdough

Pumpkin puree in the dough lends moisture, sweetness, and pairs very well with whipped, cinnamon honey butter

Appetizer- Roasted Acorn Squash.

Split, cored, seeded, 2 tablespoons of butter are rubbed on the inside of each half, add cinnamon, brown sugar, a little cayenne if you're nasty

Main- Ratatouille Nicoise

French vegetable stew, rich, the onions give it sweetness, the eggplant has a creamy quality, and the tomatoes provide an acidity and umami flavor to bring it all together

Desert- Sage applesauce

Tart baking apples stewed with brown sugar, cinnamon, cloves, Sage, and rum.

Asked my partner to make us mulled wine

Soup and bread

A crust punk outside The Green Door Tavern in Chicago once gave me a quest

For the donation of a cigarette he would task me with a pilgrimage to honor the god of street trash.

In the city of New York, New York the big apple ain't the city. It's in the lobby of the Waldorf Towers

The sweetest juiciest, most crisp apple this guy had ever had. The apples were there for paying residents, not street trash

If you walked in off the street and tried to grab one a lot of really unfriendly people would do really unfriendly things

So what's a piece of street trash to do?

Next door to the Waldorf towers is the Waldorf Astoria, a beautiful hotel, but not much to steal in their lobby, but at the 40-somethingth floor "You can ask at the lobby" he assured me "The one with all the ball rooms and parties."

You'll find the two buildings touch and are one. So you can walk right across from the street trash friendly public space of the Waldorf Astoria to the exclusive and elite, decidedly street trash unfriendly Waldorf towers, but once you're there who's to know. So you just take the Waldorf towers elevator down and as someone who clearly lives and pays rent there you are in fact entitled to an apple, and maybe two if you think you'd like two.

Do this to honor the god of street trash.

Crust

300 grams flour

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup butter

Ice water as needed

Filling (makes 2 10 inch pies)

3 cups blueberries

1.5 cups blackberry

1.5 cups raspberry

3/4 cup sugar

1/4 cup flour

2 TBSP cornstarch

Cinnamon to taste

Juice and zest of one lemon

Bake 25 minutes at 425