Back & Blessed

hMP-SHHHiEW!

"Bless you. And especially you, Jayje. Go sleep off that cold before it gets any worse.”

Everyone shifted to look at JJ who was quietly pressing her knuckles to the underside of her nose. It was no secret to anyone there that she hadn't been physically at her best the past few days and it had been much longer since she had been all in mentally. 

She knew hiding anything amongst a team of highly trained profilers was nearly impossible, especially when her body kept involuntarily announcing her misery via wet sneezes and nagging coughs.

Emily left the round table room, wordlessly encouraging the others to follow suit. JJ dragged herself to her desk to collect whatever stray personal belongings had been spread across it over the course of the day. 

Instead of quickly packing up and leaving for the day, she sat down and pulled a tissue from the box that had found a home amongst the papers covering her desk. After blowing her nose, she just sat there, crumpled tissue still in her hand, staring aimlessly across the bullpen and coughing with a practiced restraint.

“Hey,” Tara said, an indeterminate amount of time later, placing her hand on JJ’s shoulder as she came up behind her. “Are you ok?”

JJ nodded quickly, before ducking her face into her elbow to muffle a harsh bout of coughs. “I’m fine,” she choked out as she caught her breath.

Tara nodded, in no way believing her. “I’m heading out. Do you want a ride back to your place?” JJ didn’t even think before shaking her head aggressively. That only made the pounding headache sprouting from her sinuses and moving behind her eyes even worse, but she really didn’t want to be seen as a damsel in distress.

“No, I’ve got a few things to wrap up here first.” JJ fidgetted with the tissue in her hand. “And the boys are with Connie for the week, so I’m not in any rush to get home to an empty house.” A house that’s too big for one person alone; even when the boys are home, it feels empty without Will.

“I’m sorry, JJ,” Tara paused. “You still do need your rest. That cold isn’t gonna get any better if you keep ignoring it. You should call it an–” she glanced at her watch “–early-by-our-terms night and go get in bed.”

For a second JJ’s only focus was blinking back tears that sprang to her eyes at the memory of how Will would always bring her tea in bed whenever she was sick or upset and promise her he’d handle the boys with their youthful, rowdy energy. “Is that your medical opinion?” JJ snapped back with no venom in her bite. She’s too worn down to really pick a fight with anyone.

“I mean…” Tara sighed, not wanting to further push the grieving woman. “Just take care of yourself, JJ.”

“I’m fine,” JJ whined, bringing a fresh tissue to her nose and blowing hard. “Goodnight.”

Rossi was next to leave, settling on just a simple, “Feel better, bella,” as he walked past. The rest of the team slowly trickled out of the office.

Even Emily was turning off the lights in her office and carrying her bag out over her shoulder. “Seriously, you headed home?" Emily asked with a tired smile, stopping as she walked past JJ’s workspace.

"Yeah, I'm right behind you. Just trying to get this organized, so I don't come into a mess in the morning,” JJ lied through her teeth. She had been nearly asleep at her desk before Emily’s office door had loudly fallen shut and startled her to attention.

"Alright. Get some rest,” Emily said, walking to the elevator. JJ pulled a tissue and blew her nose in response. "Geez, that really doesn't sound good.”  

JJ glared at Emily as the latter stepped into the elevator. As soon as the doors had closed, she dialed Henry's number. She knew he probably wouldn’t pick up this late at night, but she desperately wanted to hear her boys’ voices. Why had she agreed to them spending the first week of their summer break in New Orleans with Connie?

The phone kept ringing until Henry’s voicemail recording started playing. She normally hated that he had recorded his own, because then anyone calling could tell he was a child, but tonight it meant at least she got to hear one of their voices.

JJ sniffled as a hot tear ran down her cheek. She wiped it away, not even caring about the slick trail of snot now on her sleeve. “I’m a mess,” JJ muttered, her voice thick from the cold and tears combined. She forced herself to stand, walking through the bullpen like a ghost of herself. She was alone and miserable, and on top of that, she was sick.

Eventually she made her way to the kitchenette, where she stood in the dim light of the microwave heating her mug of water. JJ sifted through the varieties of tea that Penelope had left out somewhat pointedly earlier in the day. With only a second’s warning, she stepped back from the counter, her breath catching subtly. 

HRRSHHEW! eh…? hihh…?! SHHHTTt!! EH-TCHHHIUU!!

JJ sneezed toward the floor, not caring enough to cover. Then the microwave beeped. She pulled the mug from it with one hand, while pinch wiping her nose with the other. Sniffling thickly, she ripped open a tea bag and dropped it into the steaming water.

She stood in the kitchen a while longer, until her runny nose got on her nerves enough to overrule the strong desire to just melt into the floor. Then, she made her way back to her desk, but instead of slumping into her chair like she wanted to, she just scooped up the tissue box and continued on her way.

No part of her had planned on walking into Emily’s office, settling down on the couch like they’d used to do over Chinese takeout and cases that dragged long into the night. She set the steaming mug down on the table before bringing several tissues to her face. She blew her nose, sniffled, and blew her nose a second time before folding up the tissues and dropping them in the trashcan.

Then, she picked her tea– a soft chamomile– back up, sipping on it as she pulled her phone from her pocket. JJ knew she could call Connie and ask to talk to the boys, but by this point, she hoped they were asleep. 

She missed her boys. She missed Will; missed him in a way she couldn’t express. Right at that moment, she wanted his hands gently massaging her shoulders and bringing her medicine and kissing it better. If he were here, he’d tell her she could never be gross, no matter how stuffed up and achy she felt.

All she could do now was open a photo album from their last family vacation, as she muffled another cough into her loosely clenched fist. They had gone to the beach for just the weekend; neither of their schedules had allowed for more than that, but it was still nice to get away.

There were pictures of Will in swim trunks teaching the boys how to paddle board and selfies of the four of them laying out on the sand and candids from restaurants they ate at and… JJ just kept scrolling. 

She curled up into herself, muffling coughs as tears rolled down her face and snot dripped faster than she could wipe it away. She didn’t stop at just that one folder of pictures. She couldn’t. Her entire camera roll were pictures of Will. Her life with her husband and kids.

How had he been so healthy just a few months ago? It hadn’t even been a year since they were laughing on the shoreline. Why did it have to happen so suddenly?

For just a moment, JJ allowed herself to close her eyes against the burn of crying and the way her inflamed sinuses felt like they were going to explode. Those few seconds of reprieve were all her exhausted body needed to slip into a fitful sleep.

The next thing JJ was aware of was something soft and warm being draped over her shivering form. Subconsciously, she grabbed onto it, burying herself deeper under the only real comfort she'd experienced in the past few months.

The corner of the blanket brushed up against her nose and she took a shaky inhale, rubbing her nose sleepily through the fabric.

hhh’pshhht! hehh-?! PXShhhh!!

And then she was awake, sitting up on the couch in Emily's office and blinking up at the grey-haired woman she had inadvertently sneezed on. “M’sorry," JJ mumbled, flushing even pinker than her cheeks already were from the fever.

"Bless you,” Emily sighed. “It’s still early. You can get some more sleep." 

“No, it’s ok, I’m up,” JJ said, reaching for the tissues. She blew her nose as tears prickled her eyes once again, not even knowing why she was crying now. Averting her gaze, she glanced at the clock on the wall. It really was only a little after five in the morning. “Couldn’t sleep?” 

Emily chuckled slightly. “No. It’s never easy to shut my brain off when we have a case.” She paused, wondering if JJ’s recalling all the tossing and turning Emily did in hotel rooms they’d shared together over the years. “Jayje?” Emily questioned softly, coming to sit beside her friend. “What about you? Why didn’t you go home?”

JJ couldn't find an honest answer without the tears starting to fall and she didn't have to, as she doubled over with a harsh sneeze. haahh–SZHEEEIUu-! The exhausted tears finally ran down her face in front of Emily.

“Bless you,” Emily said, voice calm and cool, like she was talking to a victim. JJ hated that; hated how everyone on her team suddenly saw her as fragile and broken, not that it wasn’t true, but she always thought she was a little better at self-preservation. 

“Thanks. I’m just gonna…” hHRRSHHEWW! She startled herself with the force of the sneeze, which bent her at the waist. “Dammit,” she mumbled, woozily, as she wiped her hands on her jeans. Emily handed her a few tissues and politely looked away as the blonde cleaned herself up.

“Bless you again, Jayje. How long have you been feeling like this?” Emily tried a different approach.

JJ shrugged. “I don’t know. A few days.”

“I’m sorry. I should have been paying better attention.”

“Not your fault. I was trying to hide it.” JJ sobbed. “Didn’t wanna be weak.”

“Hey, hey; it’s ok! It’s ok. Shh. It’s ok.” Emily consoled, pulling JJ closer and holding her shaking body against her chest. “Oh shit, Jayje, you’re burning up. Why didn’t you go home last night? I’m sure sleeping in your own bed sounds good when you feel so sick.”

“Because–” JJ choked out before her voice dissolved into a fit of coughs. “Because I didn’t want to be alone in that house. He can’t bring me tea in bed anymore… can’t kiss me even though I warn him he’s gonna get sick too. He never did though… he was so healthy until…” JJ cried through every single word she admitted to Emily. How could she not?

“Oh, Jayje. I’m so sorry.” Emily slowly rubbed circles along JJ’s shoulderblades, as the sick woman ducked into Emily’s sweater. 

hhM’DZSSXHHHh–!

“Bless you,” Emily whispered tenderly. “Here you go.” She held out the box of tissues, letting JJ pull a handful to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. Once JJ had cleaned herself up a bit, Emily said, “I really don’t like how feverish you feel. Come on, I’m gonna take you home.”

“How do you only have children’s cold medicine? Aren’t your boys old enough to take the adult stuff by now?” Emily called down the hallway, digging through the medicine cabinet. She gave up after an unsuccessful search and made her way back towards JJ’s bedroom, where the blonde is now wearing her pajamas: an old, oversized police academy tee and boxers. Will’s clothes.

“I don’t know. I guess neither of them have been sick in a while.” JJ coughed into her sleeve.

“Ok. Don’t worry about it. You look exhausted. Think you could sleep without the meds for now?”

JJ shook her head. “I don’t wanna wake up in an empty bed.”

“Then I’ll stay,” Emily said, sitting down on the opposite side of the bed. “If that will help you feel better.” Now JJ nodded, finally letting herself lay down against the pillows and slide into a comfortable position. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

“No, just stay.” JJ was already half asleep. 

By the time she woke up, she would have guessed a few hours had passed because the sun was now flooding through her window and the distinct sound of hurried typing filled the bedroom.

She begrudgingly opened her eyes, wanting to see what Emily was working on; if they had any leads. Instead, she saw Penelope sitting in the lounge chair in the corner of the room.

“Good morning, gumpdrop!” Penelope exclaimed when she saw JJ pushing herself to a seated position. “How are you feeling?”

“Meh,” JJ said without even pausing to think about it. “Where’s Emily?”

“Boss lady got called into some random meeting, but she said you didn’t want to be alone, so now I’m here keeping you company. Ooh, and I brought goodies!”

JJ cocked her head slightly, not mad at Emily, but curious of what all she’d missed while sleeping off the fever-induced fog. She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose before asking, “Ok, what’d you bring?” 

“Well, Em said you needed medicine, so I went to get that and then I got a little carried away.” Penelope dumped the drugstore bag out onto the foot of the bed. There was a package of Dayquil and Nyquil and a bag of cough drops, then a teddy bear, a Hershey’s bar, and a little coloring book.

“What is all of this?” JJ asked, already opening the blister pack of Dayquil.

“In case you can’t sleep and get bored while you’re resting.”

“I’m not going to be bored. You know as well as I do that we have a case. I’ll be back to the office as soon as the meds kick in and I take a shower.” She swallowed the pill.

“Um, actually, Emily officially benched you until you’re feeling better. Direct orders conveyed through moi,” Penelope shared, shrinking slightly, knowing JJ’s not going to like that and she was right. “To be fair, love, you were running a fever and are, like, ridiculously stuffed up. Your poor nose is so pink.”

“No, I’m fine. I know I can’t be in the field, but there’s no reason I can’t be in the building?” JJ sniffled thickly, wiping her nose on the crumpled tissue previously discarded on the bedspread in front of her.

“I don’t know. Prentiss’ orders. Just take some time to rest. We rarely get this opportunity. You even less so taking care of Henry and Michael.” 

JJ nodded slightly, like she was considering it before she started coughing again. “I really am pathetic aren’t I?”

“What? No! What are you talking about?”

“I sound gross and my nose is dripping and I can’t stop crying…”

Penelope moved closer, taking JJ’s hands in hers. “You’re not pathetic in any way. You’ve been through some the worst things imaginable and you’ve survived. Every single time. You are so so so strong. Sure, you might have a little cold, but that’s not a character flaw, that’s just human. Which you are, even if you forget that sometimes.” She patted JJ’s hands. “Now, do you want something to eat, drink? Or do you wanna go back to sleep?”

“I think I wanna take a shower to help with this.” JJ gestured to her sinuses. “Then, I think eating something is probably a good idea. It’s been…” she hesitated. “… a while since I’ve had a real meal.”

“Consider it done. Permission to use your kitchen while you’re in the shower?”