♡

I have an idealized version of myself in my mind and she’s really pissed off at my life choices

that cat smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years

“woah, wow, woah”

get this cat a jazz contract, stat

HAUSVIABEJSBAKMSJDK WHAT IS THIS OMFG I LOVE HIM 😭

Imagine staying over at their place for the first time and shitting yourself in the middle of the night because you think james earl jones is meowing at you from the door

oh my god

*takes off my leather jacket to reveal a second, secret leather jacket underneath*

you mean, skin?

What an absolutely terrifying addition to my post. Thank you.

am i going to be sleepy every day for the rest of my life

A girl I liked convinced me to stab a man, so I did. Felt guilty for a bit, then promptly forgot about it and walked around with the murder weapon for a couple of hours, going about my business, walking my dog. Eventually I was cornered by a plainclothes police officer who asked me why I had a bloody knife; I told him I was looking after it for my bogan cousin. He said, “You’re under arrest,” and I was like,, “No, I’m not, watch this,” and then I woke up.

that’s a goddamned power move

magic cat

blessed post

(via erupted, malunadean)