ｓｅｃｏｎｄａｒｙ

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.

Bribe is such an ugly word. It’s just a favour for a favour. 

That is a bribe. 

I don’t know what you want from me anymore. I’m done with this. It’s exhausting. You want me to believe you when you tell me you’d want to be with me despite all this and you say you love me but you don’t really want to be with me. What do you want me to do? 

I do love you and want to be with you. --But I can't fight with you about this anymore. I have no idea what you want me to say or do anymore. All I'm doing is repeating the same thing, and you still don't believe me. I guess I can't make you. he nods and gets up from his seat.

I don’t fucking know, alright? I don’t know what I want you to do, but you could do something! You tell me I’m willing enough, but you’re here standing still ready to let everything go, sleeping with your fiancee already! You’re so bloody frustrating! (She nods) D’accord. From now on just pretend I hate you.

If there is nothing I can do then I can't do something!  I'm trying to deal with it, that doesn't mean I'm suddenly able to stop loving you. I told you I would still want to be with you despite all of this. If you would believe me I'd tell you that she doesn't mean anything to me, and you need to stop listening to everything you hear, but since you're not I guess I shouldn't stop talking. --Fine. 

Then you’re a coward and there’s nothing I can do about it either. (She stomps her foot) I wish I could hate you! I really wish I could forget about this awful feeling. It’s inside me all the time, everywhere I go. Sometimes I feel I can’t breathe if I don’t see you. I constantly need to know where you are, it’s unbearable. I’m willing enough, clearly, and it’s still impossible for me to stop loving you!

What do you want me to do? Forget about it all and then we can run off and elope? We can't do anything, and I think we need to accept that. I love you, but I won't make this even worse. --Maybe it would be better if you hated me. 

That is true. Oui, I would, but you know how terrible this, god-forsaken, castle can be.

Really? I never though you'd be one to go around complaining. 

I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

I don’t know if I believe you. I’m tired of you saying that and doing nothing about it. What’s the point of all your words? That’s all they are Rabastan, words. You’re still marrying her, you’re still sleeping with her and you come here as if you were doing some kind of horrendous sacrifice. Sure, I bet you had a bloody bad time while you were shagging Katrina Selwyn. Poor you. I’m clearly the mean one here. (She keeps looking down, avoiding his eyes) You say that like it was that easy.

Words are all I can give you right now, I don't know what else to do. There is nothing else I can do, I told you that. And I'm sorry if you don't believe me anymore, but nothing's less true than the first time I said it. I know I am, and you can hate me for it. Stop it. I'm not trying to make you feel bad for me. -- You seem willing enough, should be easy for you. 

Vraiment, Rabastan? You love me? Because I can’t see that love you talk about. You always repeat that but you certainly don’t show it. I believe this is your ideal situation. It always has been. You get to marry a gorgeous porcelain doll who now happens to want to have sex as well, and you have your personal whore on the side. It’s every man’s dream, isn’t it? And I bet she won’t even mind, because she does everything you say. (She glares at him) Bien sûr, you weren’t trying to hurt me, you were just thinkng with your dick. (She looks away) I don’t know if I want to love you anymore.

Yes. I do. You really don't get it do you? I don't want a porcelain doll, all I want is you, and your stubbornness, and confidence, and actual personality. I don't want someone to stand by my side and smile politely for appearances and only that, so no ideal is not the word I would use. You were right, you're not a mistress and I don't want you to be one. I didn't come up with some master plan so that I could get to shag as many women as possible. No I wasn't thinking at all. --Then don't. 

So she changes her mind and you just go and sleep with her. I didn’t say never, I thought you were going to sleep with her when the time came and you had to. I guess you don’t need to fuck me anymore now that your sex quote is complete. Non, you’re telling me you love me and getting married to someone else. I think that’s a little bit worse. You didn’t have to ask! I know you enough by now to realise when I’m hurting you. It seems you don’t know me that well. I shouldn’t be that surprised. (She shrugs) Can’t I? Because that’s exactly what I believe. Look at you. Your parents would be so proud. You’re just like Rodolphus.

So the time came earlier than I thought it would, I don't know what you wanted me to do. Did you think once she decided she wanted to have sex that I would suddenly be able to get out of this whole thing? It's not like you had no idea this would happen. I know I am, but this isn't exactly my ideal situation either, and I do love you even if you don't believe me. And I don't see you as just a fuck, I never have. Then you really did expect me to read your mind. Silly me, I apologize for not knowing exactly what you were doing at all times, and that you expected me to not sleep with anyone else even though I'm engaged. I wish I wasn't, but I can't change it. And I wasn't trying to hurt you by shagging her, don't think that. --Maybe I am. 

You told me she wanted to wait. So what was your plan? Sneaking around with me and sleeping with her right afterwards? How’s that any different from what I did with Yaxley? Because if I remember correctly you were pretty furious back then. I always stop shagging other people when we’re together! Even if we’re just sneaking around! Every time you ask me to stop, I stop. I suppose that’s my mistake. I should have seen this coming. Doesn’t she? (She laughs bitterly) You want all of me, you say? I think all you want is a good fuck behind your future wife’s back. 

Why do you think I had some master plan about this? I thought she did want to wait, but I guess she changed her mind. Did you really expect me not to ever sleep with her? There's an obvious difference, I'm engaged to her. I'm not telling you I love you then running off to shag someone else just because. I never asked you to stop! Not this time. I did think you were shagging other people this whole time, since you made it clear that all we were doing was sneaking around and that it wouldn't last. --You can't really believe that. 

Which is one drink too many, Lestrange— though, if you’ve got enough to share I might consider not reporting you. 

So you want me to bribe you?

But you did, you did lie, Rabastan. Everything was a lie. You told me you didn’t like her. You told me you were not going to choose her. When we were together, I stopped sleeping with other people because even though sex doesn’t mean anything to me and it doesn’t change the way I feel, I knew it meant something to you. That’s the point. It means something to you. So you did lie to me, and I believed you. And I was clearly stupid because for a moment I was willing to give in and be with you no matter what. I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t even know how to look at you right now. 

Nothing I told you was a lie, I don't like her and I didn't choose her. You must be joking if you thought I would never sleep with her. I didn't know  that you did any of that, you didn't tell me anything about it. So what did you expect me to do? Just know that you weren't shagging anyone else? I assumed you would be. That doesn't mean I lied to you, not at all. She doesn't mean anything to me. No--that's just it you can't ever really be with me, all we would be resorted to is sneaking around and empty classrooms. We can't do that forever, I want all of you. 

Becausr you’re a lying sod. Unless, bien sûr, you haven’t slept with Katrina Selwyn, then I’ll have to kill Avery. 

I didn't lie and I'm not about to start lying to you now. Bastard. I don't know what the fuck Avery's issue is. --Yes. I did.