SmallDarkNHandsome

Star Trek cast dubsmash masterpost.

It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before. 

That changes today. 

“Hey guys, what if…” I start to say. 

Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore.

“What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“ 

Suddenly, silence. 

1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression. 

A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Please.” I say with a broken voice. 

He is moved. 

My fingers are almost shaking as I carefully type in the ten digit phone number I have had memorized my entire life. The buttons on my home phone seem to glow a bit more dull, and even the ringing of the phone from the other end seems to be agonized, almost as if the world is telling me to hang up. But I refuse to give up; I can’t let my lily-white friends down. Not again.

The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Still no answer. Just as I am about to hang up, there is a click.

All I can hear is heavy breathing.

“Hello….” I say quietly, my voice shaking. “Is….. Is this Muslim?”

There was a long silence before I heard a voice answer “ya lol.”

“I was thinking………..” I begin cautiously. “Maybe murder is…………bad.”

“Habibi, I…..I don’t understand. What are you trying to say….?” The voice seems shaken.

“What if…….world peace is good and killing people is…………not good”

He lets out an audible gasp. “Are you saying ISIS is…….bad?”

“Maybe death is…….not good.” I continue. My heart is racing. I remind myself that I am saving thousands of lives, and inhale.

The silence from the other end of the line is almost deafening. He seemed to be thinking, as if he had never considered this idea before in his life. Truly I had opened his heart and his mind. This…. This could end terrorism.

“Muslim….Please.” I whisper.

I hear a tear roll down his cheek, with my Muslim Communication Hearing™, and hold my breath as he finally breathes out his next words.

This is horrifying and gross, because the list includes:

Cranberry sauce and pie filling. (Poor people can forget about making dessert for Thanksgiving dinner.)

Creamed vegetables

Baked beans

Pickles

Pork and beans

Frozen veggies that come in packages featuring pasta, nuts, rice, cheese, or meats

French fries and hash browns

Sharp cheddar cheese, Swiss, and fresh mozzarella, shredded and sliced cheeses (except American cheese of course), cheese food, spreads, and products. Even Kosher cheese is banned unless you apply to get a specific check for it which basically could identify who the poor Jewish people are. (This is really gross and skeevy because of how this is isolating Jewish people and outing them.)

Canned peas and green beans

Albacore tuna, red salmon, and fish fillets

Bagels, pita bread, English muffins

White rice and wild rice

Taco shells

Almond, rice, goat, and soy milk.

Brown eggs and any eggs produced by cage-free or free range chickens, which basically helps corporate chicken farms

Several kinds of infant food

Anything in bulk

The list is actually worse- no peanuts, SEASONINGS, SOUPS, any canned beans, WHITE RICE, anything organic or natural, and anything like lactose free/kosher milk, or anything that might be necessary to a religious group or someone with conditions such as celiac or lactose intolerance basically have to fill out forms which singles them out based on health/religious reasons. 

Oh, but wait…THEY DON’T ALLOW POOR PEOPLE TO BUY IN BULK.

Help for Flint

Life USA

United Way

Community Foundation of Greater Flint

“I didn’t start publishing Pennsylvania’s Orange Street News so that people would think I’m cute. I want to get the truth to people, even if it makes grownups mad,” says 9-year-old Hilde Kate Lysiak, publisher of and reporter for the Orange Street News.

After reporting on a suspected homicide in Selinsgrove, Pa., Hilde was harassed by “disgusted” adults commenting on her site, saying her time would be better spent at tea parties and playing with dolls. 

HAVE Y’ALL SEEN THIS SHIT ON TWITTER I’M LITERALLY DECEASED (her twitter)

Bonus: