MDNI. Blog dealing with fitness, nutrition, sexuality, and the other crap
I'm into
***NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL***
Just in it for the love of the game
Thanks for stopping by. To be honest I barely know how this site works let alone how to take advantage of that for clout
I will never shy away from the word goon. goon is the only way to describe a particular type of henchman, lackey, or thug. look at these guys. they're goons.
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washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes
I love being on the back end of figuring out a healthy relationship with food and being able to take breaks from whatever I'm doing, food-wise. I used to panic about that shit constantly.
Case in point, it was my wife's birthday recently. That weekend, we went to karaoke, hung out with friends, and just generally engaged in merriment. I'm trying to get down to 190 (currently sitting around 211 or so. 190 will put me the closest I've been a Healthy range BMI in about 15 years) and, in the past, that would have me panicking, unable to enjoy the weekend, and/or inadvertently making my wife's birthday celebration all about me (internally).
Now, since I'm no longer trying to lose weight for medical/health reasons (I'm doing this just for me and to prove that I can) and I have amazing habits and procedures in place, I can just take a weekend off and snap back into it once the festivities are over.
Back when I was in college, I would occasionally try "going on a diet" (in the loosest sense of the phrase), would try to do too much too quickly, have one bad day, assume the whole thing was bust, and then give up. Now, I don't let it faze me. The weekend is over, I'm back on the horse, and things are going smoothly.
If you're at the point where you still may not trust yourself to have a weekend like that, don't put yourself in the position to do so. For a while, back when I was still really trying to lose weight for, specifically, health-related reasons, there came a point where I could no longer trust myself to "just take a few days off". But once I got past that point, I was able to give a bit of slack on the leash. Set your habit and routine in stone and, later on, not only will you actually like doing the things you've been doing more than the excessive stuff anyway, but also, if you decide "fuck it, I'm gonna eat a pizza" then you won't have to feel that you've failed yourself, or that the whole thing isn't worth it anymore. Eatza the pizza and then get right back to it the next day.
As always, believe in yourself and trust yourself. Trust in your support system, if you have one. If you don't, and you're reading this, know that I support you. There are those of us out here that know what you're going through, that empathize and sympathize with the struggle. Some days, it can be really difficult. But be gentle with yourself. The effort put into this will pay off. I promise.
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There is this idea that ex-fat people are especially hateful to fat people. That we harbor a deep-seated hatred for our former selves that we project onto others. I need you all to understand that when I say I left fat acceptance and side with anti fat acceptance now, it is because I realized the FA movement caused me to develop a victim complex, lose faith in myself, and believe change was impossible. On this blog I speak directly to my past fat self. I do it because I believe in her. Because I know she has the power to make changes and improve her health at any time.
I had this idea down on a list to write fully about later, and I will do so. But, for now, I'll say that anyone who views actions taken by someone else for personal reasons or benefits and sees those actions as an indictment of their lifestyle is so far down the "main character" pipeline. No one is doing these things to spite you, specifically. Get over yourself.
I do these things for me, for my wife, and for my future family. No one else.
I think one of the hardest things for me to learn in life was that if you want to affect change in your life, you have to do it incrementally. Brick by brick.
I've always been somewhat impatient. I want to be good at writing NOW. I want to be healthy NOW. I want to be physically fit NOW. I want to take better care of myself NOW. But I never gave myself the time or the grace to just do that stuff one bit at a time. I had to have it NOW and if I wasn't able to achieve it immediately, it wasn't worth it and/or I was a failure.
You don't need to write an entire novel this weekend. Try a few sentences or something. You don't need to have your entire bodily ecosystem figured out immediately. Take a step towards that goal every day (whatever that looks like). You're not gonna be fully ripped within a month (or less) of going to the gym. Talk to me in a year. Your teeth aren't be permanently fixed from one week of brushing after being a dipshit in your 20s (oddly specific, that one). Start flossing and doing that shit right and you can be back on the right track. You're not gonna lose 30 pounds near instantly. It takes careful time and effort to do that.
BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF.
The things I've done in my life to make myself feel better and set myself up for a kickass later part of my life were all started about 3 years ago. I have, just now, kind of got my whole scene in order. And it's STILL not perfect. But I'm working on it every day. Brick by brick.
And the best part is that ANYONE can do it. It's simple, but it's not easy. I wish there were an easy way to just get the things that you want. Believe me. But what I've come to understand is that you get out of life what you put into it. Change is really difficult but anyone is capable of it.
crazy to think the assassin's creed theme song that everyone knows and loves is just ezio's main theme song literally called "ezio's family" and they haven't been able to top it since
Just a summary of what I'm gonna use my space here for.
TLDR: I'm lifting and managing my weight well, I'm getting more in touch with what is going on with me sexually (possibly being bisexual), and I want to use my space here to be a positive influence in the world around me regarding these topics. Read on for more details. :)
Yo. I'm back at it again. I know it's been a while since I've posted anything of substance on here and I'm going to rectify that now. Unsure where, specifically, I left things, but the tumor wasn't in my brain it was in my lung. Had an upper left lobectomy (they chopped out the part of my lung that had the tumor in it) and have been through physical therapy, weaning off the steroid (which was awful, bydaway), and now into strength training and more exercise. I've built back a lot of muscle (not a ton, but enough). I'm continuing to cook and eat well and even got down to 200 pounds (from 317!!!). Did some maintenance for a while then a bit of bulking up to about 220 and am now cutting again. Plan is to ladder myself back down to "normal" BMI. We're gonna do this cut down to 190, bulk up again to about 210, then slingshot myself down to 180 and try to hover between 180 and 190 until the end of linear time (or my death, whichever comes first).
I'm, generally, feeling very good and am now realizing what I want to use this space for. I want to be a force for good, especially in the spaces of fitness, eating, nutrition, and other such things. My wife turned me on to anti-fat activist content about 3 years ago when I was initially trying to lose weight on doctor's orders and I was pretty upset by the things that I saw and heard in that time of exploration. My most disturbing realization was that, if things had gone a different way, I could easily have seen myself buying into this ideology that "I don't need to change, I'm perfect the way I am, I'm not wrong the world is, etc". I used to parrot some of the more rudimentary ideas when I was in college as well. For example, I genuinely believed that you didn't gain weight from drinking beer, you gained weight from the food you ate when you were drunk. I also firmly believed that liquor (whiskey, rum, vodka, etc) had inherently fewer calories than beer so they were better to drink, generally. Like I really actually believed that. And would say it out loud. To other people. Christ.
So anyway, I've been to therapy, I've talked a lot of these issues out and, while I'm not perfect and DEFINITELY not a medical professional, I've learned a lot of stuff in the 3+ years of, basically DIY, weight loss and diet adjustment. I've changed the way I thought about food, what I used it for, how I purchase it, and how I let it affect me. I want to be able to help other people do the same.
I'll go between different topics, probably. One of the things I focused on in therapy was getting comfortable with myself sexually as well. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you I'm the most attractive guy in the world. Cushing's left me with a pretty goofed up body and I have a lot of excess fat and skin to deal with at some point. But I figured out, with the help of my therapist and talking with my wife, what I liked, how to be comfortable in my skin (even if I'm not always happy with it), and how to get the most out of a healthy sexual relationship. I'm also, at the ripe age of 35, beginning to explore the possibility of being bisexual, something that I haven't really had to grapple with. Being raised Catholic and having attended an all-boys Catholic high school, my expectation for myself was that "I'm straight, end of". However, being so far removed from that hyper-religious upbringing, I'm now starting to realize that might not be the case. I just have to figure out how to go about testing the theory and exploring my sexual world outside the strict boundaries of how I was raised. I don't expect it to be easy, but I think it will be fun and, at the least, informative.
So watch this space if any of those things interest you.
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A statement on Commander and our vision for the future of the format.
I haven't spoken of Last Week's Commander bans for good reason. It quickly turned toxic to the point no discussion could be had. I was busy trying to put out fires on Facebook and Tiktok about the topic to speak about it here but here is a summary of my take quickly:
Last Monday 4 cards were banned in Commander, the most played format, after 3 years of no bans. Mana Crypt ($120+), Nadu Winged Wisdom ($2), Dockside Extortionist ($80 ish), and Jewelled Lotus ($90+) all banned.
People got mad so many of their high value cards got banned. They lashed out, blamed everyone and got many people on the Commander Rules Advisory to quit.
Commander bans were not controlled by Magic's Developer, Wizards of the Coast. Commander has been a community ran format forever. The bans are made by a rules committee
Now that is no more. Because players were so toxic, the Rules Committee gave over the most popular format's control to Hasbro and Wizards of the Coast. This was a format by the players, for the players. Now that a corporation has control, and said corporation has shown in the past that they will sacrifice formats long term health for short term profit, things can easily get hairy. I hate how we lost control of a format because people got toxic.
tbh, I thinl today ia the day Commander died. Sure, it will keep existing, but knowing how wizards do things, they'll use this to milk every possible cent out of players now. Prepare yourselves to see more broken cards like jeweled lotus and dockside in new products but that can only be legal in the higer tiers... I'm even foreseeing even MORE commander precons per set, like 2 or 3 per tier each set release...
The rubric as I understand it is that it's a Gundam when it's one person, it's a Pacific Rim when it's two people, and if it's a bunch of people it can be either a Voltron or a Megazord depending on various circumstances
If it has a mind of it's own and it's your girl's best friend, it's an Eureka 7
Also, if it's hot glued, corked or somehow stuck together in a way that should absolutely not work, it can either be a Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann or a Megas XLR
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