Bonus, this is Stray!Jason:

vaporeon - tiger

jolteon - cheetah

flareon - lion

espeon - eurasian lynx

umbreon - melanated jaguar (black panther)

leafeon - clouded leopard

glaceon - snow leopard

sylveon - serval

- Oh that's Gaga. You know Lady Gaga? Of course, Ilya! She was in A star is born. Really good actress. She is more of a singer actually... Oh yeah that makes sense, I guess. You guess?! Please tell me you know Poker Face, lyubimyy. I know for a fact you have been to a club, you must have heard Poker Face before. I don't know, maybe. [Ilya starts singing Poker Face]. You're lucky you play better hockey than you sing, baby. Oi!!

- Oh I know how him! That's Armando! That's Pitbull. I'm pretty sure that's a human? Are you fucking with me Shanya. Of course baby. I know that he is a rapper but it feels so weird to call him Pitbull, when we met in Miami he said he was Armando. You met in Miami?? Yeah well, was a few years ago, he invited our team to this house- Pitbull invited the Montreal boring fucking Metros to his fucking house???

- Kesha! Do you know her songs? Absolutely none, no. How the fuck- Why am I even suprised you know her too. Oh we met at Roses birthday party in LA. She is so funny, I think you would like her! Maybe I should introduce you. What the fuck- You know what, I call her. Shane!

- Oh that's Kayleigh right? Kayleigh. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's her. That's Chappell Roan. Dykstra is playing her non-stop in the lockerroom. Oh, really? Pink Pony Club? Good Luck, Babe? Casual? Sounds familiar yes. [Ilya starts singing Casual] [Shane blushes] I think... I think I remember now yeah. Didn't know that was Kayleigh. How do you know all these people but have no clue what they do? Oh funny story, she is a good friend of Rose actually-

- Oh, that's Sam! Sam Smith. I've been to a concert. Met backstage. Really cool person. Shanya, you're surprising me? You go to concerts? Well uhm. When... when I was with Rose she got us tickets and - Yeah okey.

- Montero! Or Lil Nas X. Shall I guess: Another friend of Rose? Maybe, I should ask her. Actually we did this campaign together and- I hate you.

- Oh thats the actress from the movie. The movie with all the actresses. Oceans Eight. That's Rihanna. Yeah! Rihanna. I really liked her there, she should do more movies. Shane, she is actually a singer. Oh, that's cool. You're killing me. What? Should I know her? Shane. Lyubimyy. We literally had our first dance to her song.

In my head his podcast would start off with good intentions, but he’s collected a LOT of dirt during his time as a professional hockey player, and he’s retired, so he has no real obligation to stay quiet anymore. Plus he’s got a lot to be mad about, and he’s at a time in his life where he feels safe enough to actually Be Mad. So it’s like. Episode one is normal boring hockey commentary, episode two is normal boring hockey commentary, episode three is normal until about halfway through where he’s talking about a guy he used to play against and he’s like oh yeah I always hated playing that guy. He never actually used my name, he’d just call me *[SLUR REDACTED] instead. One time he told me that they never should’ve let my grandparents out of the internment camps, and I was pissed, but also kind of impressed that a stupid-as-shit guy like that actually knew enough about history to say that. I guess racism will have you doing anything, including read. There is then a long awkward silence before the cohost goes ANYWAYS about that new power play lineup LA is running…..

Fourth episode him and his cohost are talking about coaches and coaching styles and Shane casually drops oh yeah everybody always knew to steer clear of that guy. He had a reputation. Cohost is like reputation for what? And Shane is like oh you know. If you stand too close he’ll grab your ass. Guys on his team really gotta watch the rookies because if they go into his office alone… cohost is like Jesus. And nobody came forward? Shane is like oh people tried, it just never went anywhere. Team management buried it.

Fifth episode they have to derail the hockey talk to address the latest Hazing In Canadian Juniors Teams Scandal, and Shane is like no yeah I absolutely believe those kids. When I was on juniors the nineteen year olds I was billeted with literally waterboarded me. Like, held me down with a tshirt over my head and poured whiskey on my face until I almost drowned. They could say they got their fingernails pulled out with pliers and I’d believe them.

The adventure ended a little before draft day and Shane went. “Whew that was really intense glad I definitely lost my powers and I can go back to my goal of being a professional athlete.”

Which leads to a bit of an uproar because omg Shane Hollander has a girlfriend?? who plays hockey???? that's so on brand for him like. okay who was playing last night and got a goal in the first period, we need to find the woman who has Shane Hollander crooning into his phone like a lovestruck teenager. and the consensus lands on an unsuspecting and entirely unrelated CWHL forward who has never even been in the same city as Shane but the Internet is running with the story and there's journalists harassing her and Shane has to get his agent to call her agent so he can apologise for this mess and she's like, dude, I know it's not your fault, but Shane feels so fucking bad about it, you know?

And unfortunately it doesn't really let up as quickly as they thought because it's right before Christmas and isn't this a great story, fucking Hallmark movie shit, so a very unimpressed Leila (her name is Leila) has to look a reporter in the eye after her team just played a really good fucking game of hockey and everybody wants to talk to her about some fucking guy, you know? so she looks him in the eye and says, no, I am not dating Shane Hollander, I have never dated Shane Hollander, I will never date Shane Hollander, I am literally a lesbian. I have a whole-ass girlfriend. She plays for the Blades.

“Not the most sociable” the announcer says in the first two minutes of the show.

I think everyone accepts that Shane is the Montreal captain because he’s the best player, he’s highly media-trained, he’s their first line center, he’s the star, he’s very even-tempered and unlikely to start shit or get into trouble that would reflect poorly on the team. Those are all good, reasonable, and common reasons to make someone the captain, and Shane should get credit for all that.

But I think Shane also has strong interpersonal leadership skills that we should talk about more. He’s not loud and in your face like Ilya is with the Bears. He’s not a hype man; that seems more like JJ’s role in the TV show. But there’s more than one way to be a good leader, and yes, quiet/introverted/autistic people can be good leaders.

For starters, if you think Shane wouldn’t approach leading a hockey team with the same intensity, focus, preparation and practice as he approaches all other aspects of the game, then you don’t know Shane. That man is definitely reading books about sports leadership, sports psychology, biographies of great leaders in sports, and applying those concepts. He spent his first few seasons watching his own captain and captains of other teams interact with players, refs, coaches, etc and he imitated/incorporates the behaviors that he likes into his own repertoire. He spends his time as an A practicing and refining these skills. By the time he has the C, he has an entire toolbox that he can deploy in various situations. If he fucks up a social interaction—or even if he just thinks he could’ve handled a situation better—he’s dissecting it and making adjustments just like he would if he had fucked up a pass.

This man has a 7-point leadership framework in his head and he is evaluating himself ruthlessly against all the criteria and constantly making improvements.

The second thing is that we know Shane is a very caring person. He cares about the Pikes, he cares about Ilya, and this shows up as a genuine interest in their lives and how they’re doing or feeling. Maybe he’s not the most perceptive person and he definitely has big blind spots as we see in TLG, but that isn’t for lack of caring. If we think about how this might translate in a leadership style, then maybe Shane isn’t the type to jump on a bench and scream “let’s fucking GOOOO!!!” but maybe he’s the type to sit down next to a teammate who’s been quieter than usual, give him a shoulder bump and go “hey man, what’s going on? I haven’t seen you this quiet since Coach asked which of us motherfuckers set off the smoke alarm in Detroit.” He’s not a big speech person—although he does public speaking all the time—and he’s quiet in groups, preferring to let others talk, but he’s great at one-on-ones and the guys appreciate him for that.

Third, the team trusts him and respects him. He earns their trust and respect by leading by example, holding himself to the same or higher standards as he holds his team, working harder than anyone else, and leading with integrity. He brings out the best in them because they want to earn his trust and respect in return, so they try harder. When he tells you “good job,” you know he means it and he’s not just saying it. When he glares at you, you know you fucked up majorly.

The team loves him, not because he’s their buddy who drinks and goes out to clubs with them*, but because he’s their captain and a damn good one at that.