SlippyfopTV's Random Ramblings

Her smile illuminated my life.

Our interaction was only for a short while, but during that moment, I created a thousand words just to say to you.

I wrote poems and sonnets about how I felt, and I drew pictures in my head that showed you just how beautiful you were.

You were a dream in my mind, but you barely knew I existed.

‘At least for now’ is what I hoped.

You’ll forget about me eventually, as I will forget about you.

The two of us only shared an interaction due to our circumstances, but that was enough for me.

I was satisfied with that.

You may feel differently, but I don’t.

I see you in the hallway and can barely create a hello.

You smile at me and reply.

We had spent some time together but never formally spoken. We had many chances to interact, but I never got lucky. Or I never chose to.

I was too scared.

Only after our first interaction, in the last few moments, did we acknowledge each other.

I had heard of you only through rumours and talks.

I didn’t believe much, but I believed what I wanted to.

None of the rumours were correct, yet that was what I believed of them.

You had a smile that I wanted to be the source of.

I wanted to be the one to give that to you. I wanted to be the one to do that.

As the snow fell around us, I wanted to run around until our legs tired, yet that was a fantasy.

We hide under the bus stop together as the rain crushes down, but that never happens.

As the harsh sun burnt our skin, we ate ice cream whilst dipping our feet in the swimming pool, but that was a delusion.

“Hello,” I said as we passed each other.

“Hi,” you replied.

That was all.

The following day.

“Hiya,” I said.

“Hello,” you replied.

Nothing else.

We never interacted beyond that.

That’s fine.

To me.

That’s fine.

At first, there was a black darkness. 

A wall of what seemed to be nothing. 

I could feel my consciousness, yet I was looking at nothing. 

After a few seconds that felt like minutes, light returned to my eyes. A vision one would pay millions to see, a vision of the giant planet I called home spinning slowly before my eyes. The sun lit up half, whilst city lights illuminated the other. I could see and hear everything happening down in the world below me, clear as if I were right next to them. I knew I couldn’t call out to them.

I knew I wasn’t there.

The space under my feet was filled with distant stars. The Earth’s moon was in the far-off distance. Moving. Isolated.

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. 

I couldn’t help but admire the beauty of it all.

It took me until the end to see what I had missed.

I wasted it all.

I continued to look at those on Earth, listening to their stories, their laughter, their sorrows, their love.

The entire time, I had the power to see what everyone was doing, except I feared to look at my own home.

“You’ll need to look eventually.” A voice called out from beside me. I couldn’t turn to see what it was. I felt like looking, but all I saw was the distorted outline of a human. As if it was a person from a dream, a face my brain was unable to conjure.

“I know,” I replied as my heart sank with sorrow and fear. However, after one long gulp, I darted my eyes towards my home. 

In this large world filled with billions, I was only one small place.

I saw the people who knew me, friends and family, smiling as if nothing had happened.

“Time has passed.” The figure said. “People have healed.”

I understood as I went back to looking.

Everyone seemed normal.

I didn’t know what I was expecting, but everyone seemed happy.

“I’m glad.” I said with a soft smile.

Then my eyes saw her.

Her smile as she pushed the pram that held her child. Her husband standing beside her, giving her the life I was never able to.

Her little laughs as she spoke illuminated her bright eyes. A face I couldn’t forget. Even at this moment, it was always on my mind.

“She never did pick me,” I said with a heavy heart. “I guess that’s just how things go.”

I continued to watch her for some time. My heart was getting harder and harder to hold back the tears. 

The regrets. The failures. The frustrations.

All of which I have with myself.

I wanted to give her everything, yet I couldn’t even make her happy.

As I continued to watch her happy life.

The figure beside me spoke as a strange door appeared off in the distance.

I guess my time is up.

“You have a choice. If you wish, you can return to Earth and continue your life. You will eventually meet someone new and form a happy family. Or, if you go through that door, everyone around you will be given their dream life. But you will not be a part of it.”

I glanced at the basic brown wooden door, one that didn’t even seem worn out.

Then I glanced back to Earth, and continued to watch her life.

Out of everything, it was the one thing I asked for.

Not that it was ever something in my control.

Watching her now was heartbreaking.

That wasn’t me beside her.

It never could have been.

It never was going to be.

I had accepted it a long time ago.

But even then, the sadness remained.

By now, the tears couldn’t stop falling. Even though it seemed as if we were in space, they felt as if I was back home.

“She’ll be happy, right? Promise me she’ll be happy.”

The figure beside me nodded.

My eyes were already bright red as I looked towards the door, taking a few steps closer as my hand reached the cold, firm door handle.

I took a deep breath.

“Why do you pick the door?” The figure asked me. “You have happiness in your future.”

With my hand on the door handle, I laughed under my breath to myself, remembering some fond memories we shared one last time. Memories that gave me the dreams of what I wanted.

“No matter what, it won’t be the love that I felt for her. She was my one in a billion.”

Even in busy halls, opposite sides of the road, and crowded rooms, I always look for you. The space was always too great. Although the distance between us was only a couple of people, it was never as close as I wanted. It wasn’t that I was unable to go and talk to you; it was that I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to force my way into your life like a wrecking ball, ready to crush and…

I feel as if I have messed up. I feel as if I was given a chance, but I missed it. I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t see the chance that you gave me. I was given a chance to make life go the way I want. And yet, I was unable to see it. I have missed it. I had missed it multiple times before. Time and time again, I’m given a time for life to work out the way I want. Time and time again, life…

A common question: Have you met the one? Yes. I’ve met the one. What were they like? They were perfect. They understood me. They respected me. They knew what I was going through. They made me laugh. They made me smile. They were taken. They belonged to someone else. There was no place for me. I have met the one. I have encountered the perfect person for me. Or so I believed. I…

I want to tell you how I feel. I want to say it out loud I want to say it as if I was proud. I want to tell you how I feel. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to spend the rest of my days with you. I want to tell you how I feel. I want you to see me for me. I want you to know me for me. I want to tell you how I feel. I can’t speak the words in my mind. No matter how…

Am I allowed to have a childish grin on my face? Am I, an adult past my prime, allowed to feel as if I am back to my youth. The feeling of joy when something finally goes right. The feeling of joy when you finally feel as if your heart is no longer chained by burden. You struggle and fight against a chain that ties you down. A single thought or thread that keeps you from thinking of…

Sometimes in my mind, I feel as if I have no time. I feel like I am chasing something and that if I do not act quickly, then I will lose it. As if within the span of a minute it could all change.  My heart doesn’t rest because of this. I have no idea what it is, but I feel as if I should act now. I feel as if I should take the risk and the gamble on whatever troubles my heart. I feel a sense…

I believe I was a fool I think I was a fool for thinking that you loved me. I was an idiot for thinking we had a chance.I told myself lies until I smiled to sleep. I kept dreaming until I could no longer desire to stay awake. All because I loved you. I kept thinking of what could be. I kept thinking that you felt the same. We were both too shy to say. We were both unable to say. We had…

Another year has ended. Another year has started. Life continues. In this post, I’ll be talking about my current plans for 2025, speaking mostly about projects and personal projects I hope to achieve. Every year, I create some plans for myself, and most of the time I fail most of them. Maybe 2025 will be different, maybe it won’t. But, I’m still going to create some goals for myself as a…

Merry Christmas! As always, I’m here with a little post to just say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! There is nothing more to it, but this time of year is a time for friends and family. It is a time when everyone around the world understands each other. But sadly, life isn’t always fair. There are people out there who cannot celebrate in the way they want. I won’t discuss any of that here,…

If the snowflakes knew that they would eventually melt away, would they fall? If the snowflakes knew that they would turn to water and then to nothing, would they still grace us with their fun? If the snowflakes knew they were loved by many, yet unknown to most, would they share themselves with the few they do? The wind blows them about, in a captivating dance. Fluttering down to the ground,…

Another year has gone by. As always, I like to create a post about my favourite things of the year. This could be my favourite TV show, film, song, game or whatever. The only rule is that I must have discovered it in 2024. That means, even if it came out in 1981 if I first watched/listened/read/played it this year, it counts. Let’s begin. FILM: This was tricky, because I thought I had an…

2024 is coming to an end. It’s been a hell of a year. Just like in 2023, it was painful. It was a very slow and gruelling year that beat me up mentally. But, did I achieve the goals I discussed at the end of last year? Probably not. Honestly, I can’t remember any of them. I’m having to look them up now. In 2024, I’ve been so confused and uncertain about what direction I want my life to go in.…

There are times. There are times when I want to just speak out loud There are times when I just want to say what I want to say. There are times when I believe a lot of things. There are times when I am correct. There are times when I think I am wrong. There are times when I am happy to just be able to talk to you. There are times when the memories I make of us together are greater than…

In comparison to others, I’m doing ok. In comparison to others, I’m doing great. There are people in this world who will hate someone because of such a minor thing. If the above paragraph was understood by you. I can only offer my condolences, but then again, you may be the person I’m talking about. Everyone in this world is selfish. Everyone has an ego. That ego, that selfishness, is what…