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“where did i go wrong? i lost a friend” — kokichi dying, kaito unable to understand how he could have possibly misread this, and still seeing kokichi as a friend despite everything

“somewhere along in the bitterness” — kaito feeling rage and resentment towards kokichi for his facade, yet still missing him

“let him know that you know best, cause after all you do know best” — kokichi’s facade, purposefully pissing kaito off, but in reality kokichi DOES know best (his plan to end the KG)

“try to slip past his defense, without granting innocence” — kokichi trying to get kaito to help him with his plan, kaito lacking defense and being vulnerable (sickness, despair, etc.) but kokichi doesn’t gain the title of hero for it despite his intentions (wanting to end the KG, but committing unforgivable acts to get it)

“lay down a list of what is wrong, the things you’ve told him all along” — kaito’s morals that he’s very loud about, telling kokichi to stop all of his bullshit

“pray to god he hears you, and i pray to god he hears you” — kaito constantly trying to knock sense into kokichi, desperate to make him stop but it doesn’t work

“as he begins to raise his voice, you lower yours and grant him one last choice” — the scene before kokichi is brought to his death where he tells kaito about his plan, kaito is angry and disbelieving at first but kokichi lashes out in emotion, so kaito gives him his last chance to show who he really is before he dies

“drive until you lose the road, or break with the ones you’ve followed” — kokichi can either go through with it and tell the truth about himself or he can die pretending he’s someone he’s NOT

aug 14th 2024 vs nov 6th 2025

i think i’ve made a lot of progress 🙂‍↕️

Baby, Both Arms Cradle You Now.

2:16 a.m.

Akutagawa could vaguely see the glowing red numbers on the clock beside the bed, resting on the mahogany night stand. But the time didn’t matter to him, not when his whole world was laying in front of him, damp curls from an earlier shower tickling his cheek.

Atsushi. Oh, how Akutagawa loved him. Adored him.

It was a feeling Akutagawa never knew he could experience, own. It was always something that seemed to be out of his reach, just far enough that the tips of his fingers could brush against it but not grasp it, hold it.

But now Atsushi was here. Here for him to hold, cherish, love like he had always wanted to. Even when they first met, Akutagawa wanted to do this. Yearned for it. Dreamt of gathering Atsushi in his arms and cradling him like something special every night for so long before he finally got it.

He didn’t hesitate when he pressed a gentle kiss to the soft skin of Atsushi’s neck before whispering, “I want to hold you like this for the rest of my life.” Soft, almost like it wasn’t meant to leave the depths of Akutagawa’s thoughts. It did anyway.

The warm body next to him shifted, and the soft hitch in Atsushi’s breath was all Akutagawa needed to know he was awake. Only a few seconds passed before he heard a gentle voice, raspy from sleep, “Did you mean to say that out loud?”

A beat of silence.

“Yeah. I did.” Akutagawa answered. Honest, raw, something he never was back when the man he was now cuddling with was his rival. “I don’t wish to ever let you go.”

Atsushi didn’t say anything for a handful of seconds. Even now, after years of living together, being mundane and domestic, moments like these left Atsushi feeling like he was just about to crumble. Break apart.

But, despite that, Atsushi knew Akutagawa would pick up the pieces, put them back together with all the love and care he used to hide away, hoping maybe it’d disappear. Atsushi was grateful it never did.

“You won’t have to,” Atsushi said softly, shifting until he now faced Akutagawa, foreheads pressed together. It was a position they often found themselves in, regardless of if they were conscious or not.

Neither of them said anything for a while. Just laying there, basking in each other’s presence like they were starved of it, like they haven’t spent every second of every day together for years now. Atsushi’s hands eventually moved to cup Akutagawa’s face, thumbs gently brushing just under his eyes with a reverence that left a familiar ache in Akutagawa’s chest. His own hands rested on Atsushi’s sides, right above the curve of his hips. Holding, but there was a slight grip that spoke of a soft desperation, a silent plea for Atsushi to stay there with him.

Atsushi always listened to it, verbal or not.

“I used to dream of nights like this,” Akutagawa said eventually, so light it almost couldn’t be heard with the pitter pattering of rain against the bedroom window. “Holding you in our own space. I went a long time thinking I’d never get to do it.” He admitted, one of his hands finding itself under Atsushi’s shirt, running his long nails up and down the soft, tan skin there.

Atsushi exhaled through his nose, his breath feather light against Akutagawa’s face. There was a tiny smile tugging on his lips, one that spoke only of the love he harbored for the man in front of him.

“Me too,” Atsushi whispered, one of his hands slipping from Akutagawa’s cheek to carefully rest against the side of his neck instead. “I thought you hated me for the longest time... I guess I was wrong,” he giggled, the noise coming out quiet and airy. Nonetheless, it brought the softest of smiles to Akutagawa’s lips.

It was one of those smiles that made Atsushi want to kiss him until it grew, and it surprised neither of them when he leaned in to press a small kiss to Akutagawa’s lips.

Atsushi got the effect he wanted, feeling Akutagawa’s smile widening just like his own. Only then did Atsushi pull away, his expression so soft it made Akutagawa feel like his teeth could rot at the sight

“You were terribly wrong,” Akutagawa said eventually, pressing their foreheads together once more as his eyes fluttered shut. “I hated how much I wanted you, hated how you made me feel. I could never hate you.”

“I know.” Atsushi whispered, voice coming out brittle and choked, tears welling up behind his closed eyes. It was a truth that never failed to make him emotional, knowing he was being met with something that he could only dream of having years ago. “I love you, Ryuu.”

Atsushi wasn’t met with words—he rarely was—but the gentle scratch of Akutagawa’s long nails against the bare skin of his waist, the soft sigh spilling from his lover’s lips, it was a silent “I love you, too.”

It was more than enough.