kylouwu

The last chapter (second part of the epilogue) will be updated soon! 

hey look i remembered how to open the tumblr app...

since i have your attention, there’s been like 5 or 6 chapters added to my fic. you can read from the beginning here or read the latest chapter here.

Chapter 11 Excerpt:

Floating or Sinking

Rating: Mature (for later chapters, could possibly change)

Warnings: mentions of rape (non-explicit, and only in later chapters)

Summary:

Before Rey was a Kanata, she’d never think twice about taking anything like this for granted. She had a family now. A home. Friends. She didn’t have to worry about where she’d be shipped to next, or if there’d be food in the kitchen when she got home. She had everything she could’ve ever dreamt of, and her future was something tangible, now.

But the storms always come after the sun’s been shining for too long. There’s thunder and lightening... and the overwhelming rain. Despite having family and friends who love her, even Finn’s moody older brother, Ben, she only ever finds herself floating or sinking. Rey is desperate to learn to swim again, somehow, someway.

62. “If you can’t sleep... we could have sex?”

“I... huh?”

Ben’s eyes flew open and his head slowly turned toward Rey, who was sitting at the edge of his bed, picking at her fingers and avoiding any form of eye contact. He knew that meant she was nervous. He’d seen it time and time again.

“I said... If you can’t sleep,” he watches her throat bob as she swallows her nerves. “We could have sex?”

Since she’s still avoiding looking him in the eye, he takes the opportunity to just stare at her. The topic had came up, very briefly, a few times before. They’d both agreed to wait until they felt more comfortable, until things felt right. The last thing Ben wanted to do was something that Rey would end up regretting later. Especially since he’d be taking something from her. Even if she was willingly giving, he couldn’t bear the thought of her feeling guilty later on. That didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about it.

Oh, he’d thought about it.

Their bond hadn’t brought her to him in the same nearly-naked manner he’d came to her once before, nearly two years ago. The thought of seeing her as she’d once seen him was enticing, but he was glad to not have her feel as if he was intruding on her—whether he’d have control of it or not.

There was one time, however... she’d just showered, and the robe she had on covered most of her upper body and fell a few inches above her knees...

She’d looked so beautiful. She was sitting down on the edge of her own bed, absentmindedly brushing her hair, and when she finally realized he was there, he was afraid she’d be upset. He always said something—made sure she knew he was there if she didn’t seem to notice. He never wanted to seem as if he was barging in on her. But this time, he couldn’t speak. Hell, he could barely think.

Instead, she glanced up at him with those soft eyes and those ridiculously feathery eyelashes, and she smiled at him.

“Ben?” She’d asked.

When she moved to put down her hairbrush, though, her robe fell just barely from her shoulder.

Her shoulder. That was all it took. He quickly looked away.

Hot, thick blood flamed through Ben’s body—more so in a certain region—and he felt like he was smothering. He wanted so much at once. So much he couldn’t even filter through it in his brain. He couldn’t even look at her now, and if he even tried to reach out and pull the piece of fabric back up to her shoulder, he was afraid he might pull in the opposite direction and do something completely reckless.

He had felt what was happening to his body then and forced himself out of the bond instantly, in fear Rey would glance away from his face and notice.

He’d spent the following minutes taking his own shower.

A very cold one.

“Unless you don’t... if that’s not something you want with me, I understand,” Rey’s present voice snaps him back out of the embarrassing memory. “I just—“

“Rey, stop,” he shakes his head, sitting up immediately. “That’s... don’t think that. That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“Really?”

The face she gives him makes him want to kiss her and kiss her and kiss her until that little wrinkle between her eyebrows was permanently gone. How could she think he didn’t want her?

“Really,” he reaches his hand out to her. She grabs it and he pulls gently, nudging her to move up the bed and lay beside him. She situates herself in the crook of his arm and her free hand starts to rub circles around his chest and abdomen. “I’ll always want you, Rey.”

Her hand travels lower, and barely lifts the band of his sleeping pants away from his skin before his hand darts out to stop hers.

“I do want you, I swear,” he brings her hand up to his mouth and kisses it gently. “When you’re ready, though.”

Rey scoffs, just like he knows she would. Rey couldn’t stand to be doubted. In any capacity. Even if the doubt was credible, like in this case.

“I’m ready.”

Her hands move to cross in front of her chest in a sign of defiance.

“You couldn’t even look at me when you said the word ‘sex’, Rey.”

Ben hoped the blood in his own cheeks wasn’t too visible.

Rey sighs.

“No, you’re right.”

She burrows back into his side, and there’s a tiny part of his brain that tells him he was an idiot for saying no to her whenever she bends her leg and rests it over his.

Fuck it.

“That... that doesn’t mean there aren’t... other things we can do.”

The words are out of Ben’s mouth before he can think twice. Again, he has the same fear that he’ll drive Rey away, but when she pushes her leg further across his lap and looks up at him, he breathes a sigh of relief.

“Other things?”

Her hand moves underneath his shirt to lay against this bare chest.

“Yes.” He manages.

“Will you teach me?”

“Anything.”

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shew! 😳 ya girl ain’t used to writing smuttiness, so this was new. that’s also why it’s cut off before the good stuff happens 😅 eventually, I’ll be brave enough to put the “good stuff” into words