Oz: it could feasibly only happen in the aftermath of the WillOz/Cander Breakup Extravaganza and it would absolutely just be the Oz-equivalent to angry sex (which is to say regular sex but his brow is furrowed) and afterwards Oz would be like I was a man unhinged I can never unleash that rage-filled beast again and Xander's like wait were you mad. still?
Larry: he'd get high off of the buzz of justifying bullying Xander for years with "hey man I guess we're just soulmates drawn together by fate" and try too hard to get involved in Xander's life and inevitably get eaten by a monster for being a scooby love interest and a gay guy in 90s tv
Riley: riley would literally accuse xander of seducing him with magic like five minutes after the fact and xander's like what no man we just got really riled up watching team america world police but riley's already yelling over at his pants on the floor like THIS IS AGENT FINN WE GOT ANOTHER WITCH and graham's voice comes through on a little speaker like ry you can't keep doing this
Spike: we saw how mad Spike was when he realised he wanted to fuck certified-hottie Buffy. If he fucked Xander bad-fashion bad-jokes no-powers no-game Harris Spike would have crossed over to AtS like three seasons earlier like I can't show my face on the hellmouth ever again I put my dick in a basement dwelling pizza boy
Angel: good lord. jesus christ. if perfect happiness releases angel's soul do you think realising he just had sex with xander would attach it permanently. as if angel needs more reasons to pretend all his gay thoughts come from the demon
The entire Sunnydale High Swim Team in that one sauna scene: this one would be fine actually
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