Ways To Cope: How to Handle Overwhelming Memories & Extreme Feelings
I. Controlling your environment
When you start to feel panicked & overwhelmed, try some of these things to make your environment feel safer:
White noise/comforting soundscapes like rainforest or ocean waves
Soft lighting/reduce the light source
Heating pad/warm wash cloth to face
Ask yourself, "how can I help ease the discomfort?"
Talk/ vent in safe spaces or to a pet or even just say it out loud to yourself
Allow yourself the physical body expression (ie face scrunching, crying, shake your arms, stuff that allows your body to cry too)
How do you define comfort? What sorts of things comfort you? Comfort foods, movies, TV shows, stuffed animals, blankets, soft hobbies? Or maybe you wanna be more destructive?
Stimulate your senses- perfumes, incense, candles, aromatics, lemon drops, sweet & sour candy, slime, play-doh, squeeze stress balls, rubix cube, fidgets, soft fabric, music, soundscapes, visual lights (if safe), darkness, fishtank screensavers on YouTube, just to name a few. Any ideas you'd like to try out?
Doomscroll to avoid ur feelings
Change ur surroundings (walk to a different room)
If u struggle w suicidal thoughts & urges to self harm, re-evaluate ur home space to feel more safer. Remove all ur razors, ur weapons, knives, extension cords, glass, anything that makes u feel unsafe. Ask someone safe to hold your meds. Re-adjust your space accordingly (ie plastic silverware, surge protectors, disposable razors, etc)
Call ur therapist or call a local WARM line.
II. Controlling your inner voice
How you talk to yourself when you're stressed out & in a panic highly affects the way you feel. Thoughts like, "this is stupid. I shouldn't feel this way. I feel so useless. Nobody loves me." This is your inner child speaking from all the pain and misery that you endured. And you gotta learn how to be nice to your baby, because you were just a baby. When we are experiencing flashbacks & memories, that part of you that went through that-- that part is asking to be loved and held through that pain so you can finally feel it out.
So how do we comfort our inner child during this time? You might need to hear and say some of these things out loud to yourself:
Im so sorry you had to see that
It should have never happened
This is so painful to go through
I will cherish every moment with you from now until forever
I will find ways to protect you
I will always listen to what you have to say
I will never betray you again
We can get through this together
It may help to look into trauma therapy and other sources to help you talk about and understand what you went through on a deeper level. But at the core, these are the kinds of validation you need to hear to get through what you're going through. It hurts like hell that no one can really give you that or even understand what you're going through, so please try to be a little kinder and understanding of yourself through this process. You are worth the effort of healing. You can get through this. We can survive this together.
The work is not done yet. Now let's take a moment to do some self care.
Notice the tension in your body- is your chest tight? Are your hands shaking? Is your body paralyzed out of fear?
Ask yourself permission to touch your body in this moment and honor your response.
If you're not safe with touch, proceed to the next step. If you are okay with touch, try these coping skills:
butterfly hugs- put a hand over ur heart and gently pat
Cross ur arms over your chest and hold ur shoulders
Rub ur shoulders in a soothing motion
Rub your legs in a soothing motion
What other ways would you like to be touched? Re-introduce yourself to safe touch in these moments. You are absolutely allowed to touch & comfort your own body-- but only if you'd like to do so.
If touch is a no-go, then there are still other coping skills we can do to help our bodies release these pent up emotions:
Sway gently from side to side
Stand up and stomp your legs
Allow your face to scrunch up & express your pain/disgust/etc
Do a set of 5-10 jumping jacks if needed
Allow yourself to make noise, exasperated sighs and moans of pain
Clench & unclench ur fists
Remember to take slow deep breaths while moving
In the moments after a panic, you might feel exhausted beyond belief. It might help to take a break and do something fun. Video games, puzzles, snuggle w a blanket, something soothing from your list above
Keeping a journal can help you vent and keep track of your memories & progress
Talk with a trauma informed therapist about EMDR
Follow your favorite self help blogs that promote awareness for trauma recovery and somatic healing
Write down your favorite affirmations & stick em on ur fridge
IV. Random distraction techniques & coping skills
Hold a piece of ice in your hand; throw it down your back
Jump down a YouTube rabbit hole. My favorites are carpet cleaning videos, power washing videos, seafloor exploration, jungle living, stan twitter, etc.
Making jewelry/arts & crafts
Teach yourself something new
Word search puzzles, sudoku, wordle, etc
Card games like solitaire & free cell
Fantasy card games like Yu-Gi-Oh!, MTG, & Pokemon
List your positive qualities
Find your local recreational center
Talk to someone you trust
Look for free classes at your local community college
Visit the library, they always have social events
Volunteer at an animal shelter
Volunteer at a retirement home
Volunteer at the local food bank
Tell yourself "I can make it through this"
Please remember that you are loved, you are safe, & you are worth the effort.
