Skadi

                DURING THEIR WHOLE RIDE inside of axel’s rented car in route towards the hotel he was staying in his little period in seoul, no word got pronounced between them both. the tanned male didn’t even exchanged his focused gaze from the road right across him. not because he didn’t desire to have the slightest of the glimpses of her figure placed right aside him, but because he simply didn’t know if he was allowed to. same with his speech. reluctance was pretty visible along his body language for the simple fact he didn’t know exactly what to say. ordinary questions about her life seemed way too insignificant right at that moment of their new encounter. he wanted to indeed talk with her, begin one of their most deep and intense conversations, but inside of a moving vehicle didn’t seem the right place. and that was the main reason behind his silence. yet, there was indeed something loud against his own ears: the quickened pace of his heartbeat in his chest. being there with jaein again was almost like a dream, even an illusion and even though he didn’t expose out such emotions —- due his new cold persona —- in front of her sweet eyes, he still could sense them rushing through the blood in his veins. almost half an hour passed until the second he pulled over inside the hotel’s parking lot. turning off the car and removing the key from the ignition, axel finally turned his tanned visage towards the woman of his life ❝ he are here. are you hungry ? thirsty ? do you want to stop by anywhere in the hotel before we reach my suite or… ? ❞

For the whole ride she bit her lip and looked outside, then at his hands moving while driving. She always loved seeing him drive, he was even more handsome, but now he was so cold toward her... She closes her hands in firsts and hid them between her thighs not to touch him; even if she was burning for the desire of do so. He was so close, she could breather his natural perfume, his cologne, and she could almost imagine his heat reach her. He had always be so warm, she loved to snuggle on his heating skin and forget the world existed. But he wasn’t even looking at her...  She had no idea why he had came looking for her but being this cold, but--- she didn’t cared. She was ready to welcome every second he wanted to share with her, and with that idea in mind she took quick glimpses of him util he stopped his car and looked at her.  She turned her head as well, and her lip got trapped by her teeth; God he was incredibly beautiful, he also looked more mature, but-- He was cold, but she could still see her Axel inside those dark eyes. All her strengths were focused on hold back from touch him, jump on his lap and give him the longest kiss ever gave in history of kisses, but-- he wouldn’t have took it well probably. She came back to full conscience when she felt his skin under her hand, and that was the moment she realized her hand had moved almost on her own, reaching to touch his cheek. She quickly took it back, and shook her head, her cheeks red as cherries “No-- No I’m good” she says before peek at him again and smiling, taking her hair behind her ear nervously”

                        FOR SOME MERE INSTANTS when she remained in silence, axel began to have all sort of negative thoughts running in his mind. he had almost the certain that jaein was about to reject it and he wouldn’t know how to react towards it. he could be rejected by everyone — he was already used to it since really young by his parents — but her. if she ever did it, he would be devastated because, after all, that was the woman still possessing his heart and the male couldn’t recall the last time he was so in love with someone ( if it actually ever happened with that amount of intensity ).  however, a glint of hope slowly found its way in his pair of onyx hues when his ears finally caught the girl’s response. now, it was his turn to stay quiet for some seconds. inside of him, a battle occurred between his rational and irrational state. he urged with all his strengths to step forth into her figure and capture her smooth set of lips with his ones. but the rational side ended up wining. ❝ let’s go then. try to not get too exposed… ❞ he warned her before he carefully took another gentle grip around her hand to afterwards quickly drag her to the spot his ( rented ) car was parked. during the whole short route, no word were pronounced and the male not even raised his visage a single time, as his stare continued fixed on the harsh ground he walked on. finally reaching the so expected vehicle, axel rushed himself to open the passenger’s side door so the female could get inside. upon he visualizing very well how she positioned herself on the seat, he closed the door and turned around the car, to then also step in and start preparing vehicle for their ride. 

He was different, and not just in his appearance, but also in his behavior. She was dying to kiss him, to hug him, to know she wasn’t dreaming his presence there but that he was indeed there and yet-- those moments he spent in silence got her suddenly nervous. She bit her lower lip, looking up at his pair of soft petals. They were exactly like she remembered them, plump, full, and she knew capable of wonders in words and smiles, the lips she had the luxury of kiss for the happiest three months of her life. The same lips that didn’t made a move toward her, the same lips that didn’t even gave her a smile. He had changed toward her as well, and now she was almost totally sure of it; he didn’t came there because he still loved her, he probably didn’t even wanted to have sex with that acerbic and childish girl that still belonged to him in her body and her soul, heart and mind. She smiled gently; once more she would have loved someone that had moved over her, but she would have loved him anyways, because he deserved to. He took her hand and lead her to the car in total silence, and she tried to be as quiet as possible, jumping on his car and smiling at him to thank him, an almost shy smile, not sure if he would have minded her being so confidential with him now, and quickly wearing the seatbelt on, closing her hands between her knees and looking down, nibbling her bottom lip as he sits in as well. She kept silent, feeling so nervous, not wanting to displease him by saying something when he didn’t wanted a word to be spoken, glancing at him, trying not to get caught doing so, trying to hide a little smile; she loved seeing him drive, seeing him focused on the road. It always gave her the idea she could admire him without being seen by him. But now-- she was not sure she was allowed to stare at him so openly.

“OH MY GOD” Gayoon groaned looking at her now white and brown shirt “shit, you dont have to pay me back, i just need to get a clean shirt”

“Ah-- let’s go buy one, Unnie; I don’t have any with me!” She says frowning, looking up at her with an obvious mortified sight in her eyes.

His attempts to keep a straight face failed, for he couldn’t help but release a chuckle at her words. “Yes,” he nodded, a grin parting his lips, “Yes, that would be appropriate.” Another quiet chuckle followed as he shook his head to let go of his amusement and focus on the task at hand again instead. “But how will I teach you anything if I go easy on you, dear miss midget?”, he replied with a raised brow, his words slightly teasing but his tone of voice as good-natured and light as ever. “Okay, let’s make this our first lesson, but… where do we start? Have you stretched already? And you do know the basic rules, right?”

“Well, sensei.. You will teach me to be comfortable around you first.. So that I can learn without being ashamed of my mistakes..” her lips curled in a smile up at him “I do know the rules. You guys think we know little of sports but some of us do, so, once more, yes; I know the rules.We should stretch if we don’t want to get cramps!”

                      THE SUDDEN ACTION MADE BY THE FEMALE, completely caught him off guard. in none of his lives, axel ever expected to have her run to his encounter and drag him to an hidden corner in the alley. upon unzipping his coat, and hide herself against his frame, the tanned guy could immediately sense how hard his heart throbbed against his chest at the slight scent of her sweet fragrance he missed so much. aiding her out with his long figure covering her own and one of his toned arms involved around her waist, he remained quiet and in silence, letting the time pass so the others could stop calling for jaein’s presence as he, himself, enjoyed of the warmth provided from the artits. he was very aware that what she just did was risky and it could put her in a terrible situation. yet, his whole selfish being couldn’t be more pleased at her choice. right now he had her in his arms once more, and even though the event not being the one he wished for, the woman he loved was there. with him again. and there was nothing he craved more for the last three months. however, his thoughtful moment was interrupted when his ears caught the girls’ warning, instantly making his gaze land downwards to her beautiful milky visage ❝ i have a plan…❞ he began to speak as he stepped backwards, completely disconnecting their once pressed ( together ) frames, so in a quick and easy gesture, he removed his long coat, placing it then carefully over her head. being so taller than she was, the piece of attire turned out to be perfect enough to cover her whole frame from head to thighs. ❝ my car is parked near here. if we run we could reach it really fast and… ❞ and then it hit him, making him abruptly halt on his tracks. what was crossing his mind ? was the male seriously planning to take her to his hotel suite without even having the slight knowledge that she also desired the same ? yet, once again, it was understandable. the fear of having her denying his offer was tremendous but… he couldn’t go further without being 100% sure about that topic. ❝i… i need to be with you tonight, jay. ❞ the business man finally confessed, opening up his heart for a little in front of her as his onyx hues stared fixedly into her honey ones, once more, almost like begging her to crave for the same. ❝ please don’t reject me now… ❞ he whispered out in a warm breath, whilst his both pair of hands found the girl’s and gently held them. 

When he stepped backwards the first thing she did out of instinct was take a step closer, not allowing him to detach himself from her, but then stopped, looking at him. Without realizing it when she looked up at him she was involved in his coat, her face poking out from it that covering her whole like that made her look even smaller and defenseless than usual “Ah-- Axel you will catch a cold! What plan?” she asks, and when he talked about his car she smiled. He wanted to spend some time with her-- he still wanted to have her around.. Then he stopped and looking at her she could see through his eyes his brain was working on something, and she wondered what it was until he spoke again.  Her cheeks heated up in an instant. He- wanted to be with her that night in that sense? He- still desired her? He went all the way to Korea for her? She could not believe it, it was so flattering.. But then her negativity came in. He just wanted to fuck her one more time? She wasn’t the best at that she knew it, but maybe he didn’t had time to find another woman and he knew she was a sure yes... He knew her, he could see she was overthinking, but there was no way she would have said yes no matter what. The desire she had of be in his arms again was too much to be controlled “Be with me like---” she bit her lip, looking up at him and holding his hand tightly. She would have had plenty of time to ask him why he wanted her with him that night and the illusion of him loving her had been enough at the beginning of their relationship, why couldn’t it be at the end too? She just wanted him to hold her in his arms, see him find his pleasure through her, but also feel him breathe on her skin, his hands on her and his skin under her fingers. She wanted to be held and look at him sleep if he would have allowed her to stay. She really felt like she felt at the beginning of their relationship, unsure but aching for him. “I want it too.. I really do...” she whispered, blushing as she looks up at him. She wanted to spend the night with him doing everything they could: Love, but also talk, laugh, eat, joke, fight. She wanted everything, in the purest of way someone could deisre”

                THE SUDDEN ACTION of having the girl stepping behind him to afterwards push him forward, made his pair of hazel hues blink rather quickly. ❝ someone is a bit in rush hun ?❞ he commented, taking a glance backwards in her direction, from above his shoulder.

“Yes! Because I know myself and if I keep on talk I’ll end up saying something stupid!” she says laughing and taking him to the set still, looking at him and smiling. He seemed more funny and less intimidating than she had thought at the beginning.

                ❝ freyr ? what about apollo ? ❞ the blonde female commented in a jibe vibe, as she threw the other a confused sight, with an eyebrow rose above one of her globes. after all, wendy was accustomed to hear her friend call apollo to the so mentioned guy. yet, when the topic shifted towards the youtuber herself, a pair of honey orbs got wider ❝ what ? no, no, no, no, no. that’s almost impossible, love. ❞

“Freyr, the Nordic god of Manhood and beauty! Freyr ‘gives peace and pleasure to humans’ old tests says; he is also god of sun and rain! He is both, He is the sun, and the man God. He- was a man with the capital M, he--” she smiled and looked down blushing a bit “He was The Sun but also the God of Men, it depends on what comes to my mind.” then she smiled at you “Ah don’t lie, you must have liked someone or like someone now! You need some loving too!”

                       A MILLION THOUGHTS INVADED HIS MIND whilst he remained outside waiting to get any sort of luck. it would completely kill him if she and her group had decided to part from the front door of the building, because axel knew that if it was the case, the chances to meet her again during his little stay in seoul would drastically decrease. yet, he continued in the same spot, against the wall across from the backdoor so he could spot her at the initial second she stepped out ( once again, if he had any luck ). after a somewhat longer time, the tanned man was losing all of his hopes — which could be seen by the sore facial expression drawn over his visage whilst he stared at the harsh ground underneath his feet. but when he was about to finish his third cigarette, a awfully familiar voice reached his ears, calling for his name, what made him instantly raise his head to finally lock his onyx hues on her sweet chocolate ones. ❝ jaein… ❞ he mumbled out in his usual deep tone, while his both pair of orbs got slightly wider at the sudden surprise of her view. from that point of view, she seemed way more beautiful than in the past ( if that could be even possible ). the urge to walk into her direction and capture her whole being into his arms was boiling inside of him, what could be seen by the careful pair of baby steps he made. but before he could even reach her, a group of joyful girls followed by two older men left the building by the same exit the female did previously and began chattering excited towards the woman he loved so deeply. such event only made him falter on his own actions. that could not be the end of their encounter. he wouldn’t let it happen. so before the group could even start dragging jaein with them, axel found the courage he needed in his vocal cords and hollered at her ❝ jay !!! ❞ once called the attention he needed, the ex-dancer simply shook his head in a faint gesture, almost like begging her to stay and not leave him now, through his pleading eyes. 

He was there, and she realized it fully only when he said her name. Her band members and the managers were approaching her, and she bit her lip, turning to look at him. No one used to call her Jay, just Axel, and before anyone of that group approaching could see it was actually her she took his hand, guiding him toward a close corner. Quickly she unbuttoned his coat, and she kept it open it open at the sides of his body, hiding her from the world by pressing her between the cold wall and the warmth of his chest. She almost held her breath for the adrenaline of escaping the group coming back to the dorm, bus mostly for the sudden closeness to the man she thought she wouldn’t have seen ever again. His perfume was always the same, and not the industrial one, but the perfume of his skin, mixed with the unusual smell of smoke; the warmth irradiating from his frame was the same, and also her own reactions didn’t changed a bit. She wanted to snuggle in that warmth, rest her cheek in his chest and listen to his heartbeat against her ear, feel his skin under her fingertips and his flavor on her lips. Yet now she had to try handle all those urges, careful to the voices at calling for her for a couple of minutes, and then the door of the car closing, and the sound of the car leaving. She took a deep breath when they fell into the total silence, and she looked up at him, biting her lower lip “I can’t be seen with boys, Axel..” she whispered. He was there, he was really there, and even if her brain had spoke just a second before her hands acted for her heart, moving from his jacket to his jawline, resting her fingertips on it hesitantly, like if he was frail, like if she was afraid that touch him would have made him disappear. She caressed his skin slowly, tracing his lower lip, her eyes looking up at him like if she was lost, a puppy indeed. She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to run away with him and never come back, she wanted to go back to that cabin where he took her six months earlier and they promised each other to make love on every possible surface. But-- compared to the previous six months-- being pressed on his chest even just a minute more was like a dream to her.

Replies will come soon,  but not today, since I don’t feel well… Thank you for understanding me!

                ❝ you talk like he was some sort of god, jaein… ❞ the youtuber commented towards her friend, upon hearing the long speech she made about the man in question ❝ what if he never comes back ? will you stay the rest of your life holding yourself to that man ? — and what about me ? don’t give me that look, girl. ❞ wendy pointed out as she spotted the other’s wiggling eyebrows. 

“He was” she says laughing “He was my Freyr! The manly God! He always--” She licked her lips and smiled, shaking her head. It was useless to keep on hold on that idea, and to keep bugging her friend about it. It couldn’t be helped. Wendy was right, but at the same time Jaein knew forget that man would have been the hardest - and mostly impossible - task for her “I mean what about you? You have a man who caught your eye?”

                COMPLETELY IGNORING the girl’s initial statement and only capturing te followed one about her visage and her body, the male model shamelessly took another long stare from her whole figure, with second thoughts drawn on the glint of his hazel hues  ❝ oh don’t worry. i can work really well with them. leave it to me. ❞

“Well, I’m in good hands I hope, you are an experienced model I’m sure I’ll do well following your lead then!” she says smiling, moving behind him and resting her hands on his back, pushing him a bit forward, leading him toward the set “Ah- it’s so good to know you won’t get angry at me!”

                     MAYBE HIS FACIAL TRACES DIDN’T REPRODUCE what was indeed crossing his mind, now that he was finally having a glimpse of the woman still possessing his heart. but in his interior, axel was warm in felicity. jaein looked extremely happy doing something new and so different in her life. the male still could recall how timid she was when dancing for him in the sensual manner she did in their first night together or even the first time she danced with him the studio he used to frequent, exposing out the completely clumsy ( but adorable ) part of her. and know, watching her body moving in such harmony with the music, made him wonder if he had been there for her, if he could have watched her improvement from close. yet, he was not there when her life changed so drastically — just like his. the blonde also seemed way more confident and with a brighter and stronger aura surrounding her whole figure. and maybe she was better without alex. despite de tremendous desire to meet her face-to-face and pull her into his arms, the ex-dancer continued to fear that such encounter could bring her down and ruin everything she had been working during those awful six months. however… he was a selfish man. he always was and he always will be. so when the performance reached its end, the tanned man leaded himself towards the exit door, so he could leave the space without going through the problematic situation of colliding with younger fans. but he wouldn’t leave without at least greet her. so in the followed instant, axel made his route towards the back doors of the building, where he was almost 100% sure she would pass with her group members. already outside, in that freezing and snowing night,  he waited for the woman to appear as he removed his cigarette case from the inner pocket of his suit jacket along with a lighter, and peacefully lightened up the small and thin roll of tobacco placed between his plump lips.  

When the performance ended the first thing she did was look at the audience again, and without her noticing-- he was gone. Her heart felt suddenly so heavy, thinking he probably was just a vision, a trick of her mind, and her breath suddenly got cut out of her lungs. She kept her smile on her face just for the audience, but when she walked down the stage she kept on peek back, looking if he had changed place, or if she had just saw wrongly and he was still there.. But he was gone. Her mood was obviously down, anyone could see it, but there was nothing she could do; he was gone, and she had to accept it in the end. Taking her jacket she headed toward the backdoor, getting ready to walk out once the fans would have gone away. She missed him, she missed him in every moment, and not only physically; the idea he wasn’t there for her anymore, that she could not make sure he was ok, that he could-- forget her. That was the thought that hunted her the most; thinking him in the arms of another woman, and not just sexually wise, but seeing that sight in his eyes for someone else, the sight he had when he looked at her when they were together, that sight that from the very first time made her look like if she was worthy be looked at.  She wanted him to be happy, but from time to time she felt so selfish, wishing no one else could ever see that same sight. When the back door opened she had her head low, her blonde hair on a side, when suddenly her body tingled, making her look up at her right, and there he was. Her eyes widened, and she stopped on her feet, looking up at him with her eyes open. He was breathtaking. He was-- She smiled looking up at him, a wide bright smile, and words were taken away by her lips even if she didn’t had much time. She could not be seen with a guy, she knew it was forbidden in a public place, yet.. Time stopped for her in that instant, and all she could do was look at him and smile. “Axel..” was the only thing she could say. A name she always thought, but never had the courage to say in six months.