Single Mom, Trans Son

Hope you're doing well Anon!

Let's help each other out through this and try to find our silver lining.

Thank you, I just try to support him as best I can.

I think that's a great idea. Jake was involved in community theater for one play, but had some problems with kids his age who frequently participate in the plays. I'll look into what other opportunities there are in our town. I've also encouraged him to join clubs at school that he's interested in so hopefully he can meet new people and they would already have something in common. There's a few he's interested in, so we'll see how that goes.

I’m reaching out to any trans guys that may be following my blog.  I’ve known that something’s been going on with Jake for a while...He started off school really strong but for a few weeks now his grades have been dropping, he hasn’t seemed himself, and last week I noticed he’d been wearing long sleeves a lot lately...It’s summer time but I chalked it up to him feeling dysphoric. When he wanted to go to bed in a sweatshirt I asked to see his arms and they were all cut up.  Tonight I got him to open up a bit and I’m scared for him. He told me sometimes when he walks to the bus stop he thinks about not stopping, and keeping going. To where? I don’t know, I don’t think he knows. He’s not happy at school though. He says no one wants to hang out with him. He’s always had trouble making and keeping friends but the older he gets, the more if affects him. He said he doesn’t fit in, no one likes him. He has one friend that’s trans at his school, Sam, but Sam doesn’t usually hang out with Jake and instead hangs out with either a kid that’s annoying to Jake and they don’t get along, or Sam hangs out with Zach, an older asshole who took advantage of Jake earlier this year...I think the fact that some of Jake’s on-again, off-again friends still hang out with Zach, after the incident, really hurts him. It hurts me for him.... Anyhow, I’m encouraging Jake to keep a journal and/or start a tumblr. I’m wondering if anyone might be willing to talk to him. I had my own share of problems in high school, had a long time there where I didn’t really have any friends to hang out with, but no matter what I went through it’s so much different for Jake. With him being trans he’s got so much more to deal with than I ever did and I can’t relate to what he’s going through. I love and support him and try to understand, but I haven’t been through it, I don’t know what it’s like. Does anyone have any suggestions or advice? 

I wanted to share this video with you all. This is the first video I watched when my son came out to me and I began learning about transgender people. I discovered it on a tumblr blog by his son.  I watched this video probably within a few days to a few weeks after my son came out to me. I would be more specific but my life was a blur for a while after Jake came out. This video spoke to me, deeply. I hope that by sharing it, it can help more parents, family, and friends can get what I got out of it and let it inspire them to love their child regardless of gender. It doesn’t matter what’s in someone’s pants, what’s on their chest, or what pronouns they want to use. A person is who they are inside. That’s what matters. Anyways, we’re coming up on the two year anniversary of Jake’s coming out to me. And I happen to be writing an essay for an English assignment right now; the topic is what I did when my son came out to me. I referred back to this video and realized, when I re-watched it, that this message needs to get out more. It helps to hear someone else’s story. It can reveal a new perspective. But while writing the essay I realized I wanted to share this video with you all, in case you haven’t seen it. And I hope that it can help someone else the way it helped me. 

I haven’t posted anything in a while. I just logged on and saw that I have had recent activity. I’m amazed and feel honored that I have over 300 followers. I never expected this to come out of me trying to get my feelings out and share my perspective, as a mother, truly and honestly, bluntly at times even though it may hurt someone’s feelings...even my own.  I want to say thank you. Thank you for being a part of this, thank you for caring, and for those of you that are trans, thank you for being you. And thank you to the guys that have reached out to me throughout the time I’ve been writing and have offered advice, support, and shared their stories. Thank you.

Here's the boy showing off his new haircut he got last night at the conference. From what I understand Project Q from L.A. donated their time to provide free haircuts for those who wanted them here at the 2017 Gender Spectrum Conference.

Thank you everyone for your insight and experiences you shared with me. After listening to what you all had to say and attending the #GenderSpectrum conference today…I ordered the kid a packer. He’ll be surprised to get that package in the mail! (Pun intended) Lol

So I'm attending the #2017GenderSpectrumConference with Jake this weekend.... I dropped him off with the other high-schoolers and I went to the welcome speech. Now I'm sitting in my car, trying not to cry like a baby.... Lisa, the person who gave the welcome speech had us do an exercise... Lisa read off a list of things and if they were true we were supposed to stand up or raise our hand. The list included things like: Stand up if.... You always got to shop in the clothes section you wanted to. Your body matches your gender. Your family and friends have never questioned your gender. You never had to think about which line to get in as a child, boys or girls. You've never been worried about which bathroom to use. You've never felt fearful in a bathroom because of your gender. Etc.... the list was long and I raised my hand every time. (I would've stood up every time but I recently had knee surgery...) Then Lisa reread the list and asked us to think of our children's answers.... Something clicked in my head when Lisa reread the list and it was all I could do to not just burst into tears cry like a baby. Thankfully the person next to had tissues and offered me one. For my son and all of you out there that have to deal with these issues every day, I'm so sorry that it's so hard. It shouldn't be. You are amazing and deserve to be treated with respect. I'm not sure what else to say, but you really are awesome and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Thank you for this, and you're right. He was really acting like an ass the first 5 months or so of this year. Things have been better the last couple months, he seems to have gotten his priorities back on track, thank goodness cuz damn, it's been really hard to deal with the shenanigans he was pulling.

Yes, I know his transition isn't about me. It has nothing to do with me, it's about him and him feeling like his true self. You're right, this path certainly wasn't one I imagined taking when I had my baby, but it is what it is and I do want him to feel comfortable and confident. Mr. Limp is something that's been mentioned a couple times now, so I'll be looking into that. Someone also mentioned to think of it like a binder, just another tool to help him feel like his true self when worn, so that kind of helps me put it into perspective. Thank you for your input Anon.

My kid's talked about wanting a packer before and I've talked around it just because I'm not ready for that. Tonight I picked him up from GLAM and he was very excited because older friends of his made him a packer out of condoms and dish soap. He was laughing about it so I thought it was a joke, but no. He said he planned on using it as a packer. I know I'm not the one transitioning but its still hard for me, too, as his mom. I don't know why, can't place my finger on it, but I just feel like I'm not ready. Again, I know its not about me... Can someone please shed some light and help me understand? Is there anyone that can help me out with this?

My son found this awesome shirt at a thrift store the other day. <3

I haven't posted anything in a long time, life's been settling down a bit, thankfully, but still busy. I had to share with you that Jacob walked in our town's Pride March today. I'm very proud of the young man he's becoming.

How Anon, I hope that when you're ready to come out that your parents, family and friends will be supportive of you. It's been a long, hard road for me but I've tried very hard to try to understand. For me, when I watched a TED Talk, https://youtu.be/GW8Plf_IXGs, it put things in perspective. I'd rather have my daughter become my son and be alive and happy, than a dead daughter... Now away from that morbid stuff... whenever you decide to come out I hope you're met with open arms and understanding. And thank you for your message. :)

This story could go on for a while but I’m tired so....super speedy version: Jake was already at Pulp’s house when he texted me. I sped over there, got Jake outside by the car and then Pulp starts walking up. I ended up getting in his face and screaming at him when he asked what my problem was. ‘You fucked my FOURTEEN year old kid!!!!’ His response was to shrug his shoulders with a smug look on his face, ‘So?’ I can honestly say that I don’t understand how I was able to control myself. My entire body was shaking. Jake wouldn’t get in the car and then proceeded to walk back to Pulp’s front porch. I called the cops because I’m sick and tired of this shit from Jake. Then we spent about 40 minutes or so in the police station discussing what was happening.  And yes, I will be pressing charges.I was preyed on as a teenager and I will not stand idly by while it happens to my son, whether he likes it or not. Turned out to be long story long...but so much has happened these last six or seven months....I’m exhausted. I don’t know how much more I can take. I try hard to be there for him, provide him with what he needs and wants, support him through his transition, etc.... And this is what I get in return.