Blog By Singing Owl

I’ve seen complete dicks as psych drs and complete asses as psychotherapists.

They may have been more diagnosed than me. Not judging, just saying, make a change of need be.

It’s so fucking heavy. I have to keep going. But it’s heavy. It’s heavier feeling alone. I have 1/2 a friend if that, and I don’t want or need to be a burden. Ha. Yay.

I’d like to think I can still do anything if I try hard enough.

They call me disabled. I’d like to think I’m still able.

I promise, I feel alone. I just don’t know many like me.

I isolate. It’s not healthy.

I don’t have all the answers or all the best tools.

I’m just trying adjust a hard time to have a better time.

It hurts. It hurts to feel alone.

TRIGGER WARNING :

This one is huge to me.

I haven’t checked my sober dates lately to let them roll over like flip phone cell minutes of yesteryear!

Approximate begin date of my sober day and year.

This is huge. I have struggled with this sh urge always and sui ideation (TW) just know I will not act on it and it is situational and not medicines and will and does pass sometimes the same day sometimes in a couple days, and sometimes a week.

It’s hard to feel broken down.

Look how far I made it.

It wasn’t for nothing.

My child shares their success on this with me and we keep an open dialogue and we celebrate that.

(That is handled beyond me I am not a professional I know the seriousness of this).

Plz celebrate all your successes and plz don’t judge me for when I was so self destructive.

Plz help me forgive me and let me show I bounced back.

Even when it’s been so hard to not hate myself.

Thank you for hanging with me.

Here’s my opiate free non-struggle update. I just live in pain.

That is the struggle when I have it.

I have daily neck degeneration, daily herniated discs in back and etc with back.

I have chronic other pain in my body.

It’s how I gauge I am alive. Ha.

After being on morphine drip before, fentanyl, Roxycodone, Percocet, down to low grade like Tramadol…

I think I like me better without my mind and mood clouded by any pain med. I DO know Ppl MUST have them!

I don’t knock the ones who do.

I do know for me, it’s a responsibility not to be at risk with these in my body.

Love sent.

If you celebrate a sober date, celebrate each milestone Plz.

I loved it. It’s true. And ps, this is not just for girls!

•May I erase the toxicity within myself as much as I possibly can to be healthy for myself and others•

If you have never faced this dark time you cannot judge the ones who do so go have a seat every Karen and Kyle and Southern Bible Belt (I can obviously say that due to my location) thumping fake Christian who wants to point a finger. Sit. Down. Educate yourself. Thanks, I just get angry being demonized over natural emotions for myself. It’s called a chemical imbalance. Not Luciferanism.

I am tired of the back and forth push pull crap with narcissistic shit .

Love me or leave me alone, is all I ask and that isn’t asking too much.