*AsH*

Let’s say we meet at a park. It’s a beautiful park where you can see grass for miles. The autumn foliage had just begun, where the leaves are still hanging from the trees. The wind is blowing gently. Nice and cool with the sun still keeping everything warm. I take my hair out of my eyes and look down at my phone. My hands are shaking from nervousness and my heart is pounding. I stare at your name and the last text you sent was “I’ll see you in just a few minutes!”

It feels like I just swallowed a cactus. I try to keep it together but I can’t take a deep breath and I just might faint. “What am I going to say to him first?” I think to myself. “I can’t just say, hi.” I finally catch my breath and I start to pace back and forth. I put my phone in my pocket at a standstill and look up at the clouds. “Could this be it? Will I be falling in love? Is this what everyone has been talking about? What everyone has been yearning for.”

I hear footsteps behind me. The shuffling gets louder and closer. My body is as stiff as a statue and I don’t take a breath. I pretend I didn’t hear anything and as soon as I place my hand on my heart---

“Hey.” he says to me softly. My eyes are filled with tears. I don’t realize it but my back is still facing him. I feel like I been facing this way for hours.

“Turn around!” I say in my mind. Then I look down. I can’t do it. I’m afraid. It’s only a few seconds later where he walks around to face me. I open my eyes, still looking down. He takes his hand under my chin to lift my head up. 

Instant eye contact.

He tilts his head slightly and notices the tears. He focuses on my eyes and wipes away a falling tear. He smirks and leans in for a kiss.

It’s feels like fireworks. The heart inside me is cheering for happiness! I slowly wrap my arms around him for an immediate connection. I giggle just a bit and I feel him form a smile. We stop kissing and press my face against his and I laugh a little bit more.

“Hi.” Is what I say to him, my first word to this amazing human being. We gaze into each other’s eyes once more.

“I can’t believe I finally found you.” He whispers to me.

Outside the window? I look outside my living room window right now, and it’s dark; 3am. The weather is amazing. A nice 67 degree, mildly humid, partly cloudy weather. Honestly, it’s just perfect weather to sit outside, smoke a bowl, and enjoy the sounds of nature. Where I currently live is a suburb area. Very quiet. North of the city. After the sun has risen, we are to celebrate the summer solstice. Today will be the longest day of the year. So soak up all the sun you can! Unfortunately for me, I will be stuck at work. Thankfully, it is my Friday. I get to enjoy the next three days off. Ohio has been good to us, despite all of the rain we’ve been having. If I were to enjoy this day. I’d definitely would love to take a road trip to a park somewhere and take photos. Something I haven’t been able to do for a few months. Either, landscape or portrait. Portraits of me. I haven’t been feeling beautiful as of late. When I take photos of myself I always get a burst of confidence. I know I’m pretty, I guess maybe I just forget I am. Not too many people tell me that. Another thing I’d like to do while enjoying the weather is watching the sunset. Possibly have a picnic, or some type of alcoholic beverage. 

Then, he proved he needed a replacement. Slept with some girl for a few months then got caught up on drama. Fought with her verbally and then got jumped and went to the hospital because they were arguing at 3am, while I sat at a restaurant alone because I got stood up by him. Yet, he kept telling me she didn’t mean much. Went to her house and stayed the night the day after I spent time with him on his birthday. Paid for his dinner. Bought him a few presents. Kept him company. Yet on my birthday he spent the whole week with a new girl, got a matching tattoo with her and completely fell head over heels for her. 

After from jumping from one girl to the next. 

After talking to her for three months. ON SNAPCHAT

While sleeping with me in-between.

He’s lied and controlled me for the last time. All I wanted was one of our family pets. I’m boarder line suffering from PTSD. I was really hoping keeping the cat or the dog. The dog wouldn’t be happy where I live. There’s no yard for him to run through. So I asked for the cat. He said no because he doesn’t want to separate the animals and I haven’t been taking care of them. Which is entirely untrue, because he struggled with buying food and litter and I have helped him. Multiple times.

Well, you know what? Maybe it’s fate. Maybe we weren’t meant to be. All I can really do is type out my feelings on this Tumblr blog nobody reads.

The last few days have been pretty ‘meh’. I got into it with a friend from work through text, so I was pretty upset about that; and another friend decided it’d be fun to lie to me. It wasn’t a very big lie, it’s just the simple fact that the lie was not necessary. I appreciate honesty with all of the kindness of my heart. I didn’t speak nor sit with them on break on Sunday or yesterday. Yesterday one apologized to me for lying, and the other friend apologized today for the way he acted. I feel extremely relieved that they did so. Now it’s a little bit more weight lifted off my chest.

One thing that has been bothering me for quite some time though, is the subject of matching tattoos. Today I was on my Instagram and noticed my sister’s ex boyfriend got a matching tattoo with his current girlfriend, whom he’s been dating maybe for a year? It just baffles me how little they’ve been together and already decided to get that done. Not only that, my ex fiance got a tattoo a few months back with some girl he’s only been talking to for 4 months....that lives in Switzerland. Now, mind you, when I told him he was an idiot for doing so, and after me crying, I asked him why we never got one. Of course, he blamed it on me. Saying we discussed it but I never seemed interested. Now, wait a second. The ten years we’ve spent together... I got 11 tattoos. He had the same two tattoos from before we even got together. So, really, who’s the one who didn’t want the matching tattoo? I mean, I made it pretty obvious that I didn’t have an issue with getting a tattoo with the man I was literally crazy about. Every time I told him to get a tattoo, matching or not, he’s the one who never seemed interested. Of course he is now, since the girl he’s seeing is a tattoo artist. That shit literally broke me. A literal slap on the face and then a point and laugh. Honestly, we could’ve gotten all the tattoos in the world together if only HE stepped forward. He just can’t admit he is wrong.

She’s been working for the company longer than I have, roughly a year. She has learned a top priority position which she was told she’d learn the receiving office soon. Well, she suffers from a bad case of anxiety, so she misses work quite often. That’s the main reason why my supervisor won’t train her. It’s based on attendance. Plus, I don’t complain about whatever task I’m put on any day I work. I keep to myself, work hard and go home. Which is why Lisa, won’t ever get trained on anything high priority. This woman is a very difficult person to get along with. Very drama ridden, loves to be the center of attention. Another close coworker of mine has been feeling salty about my new training as well. He just wants to feel like he can be lazy, which yeah, you’re sitting down.. but you still have to work. His attendance is bad too.