#firstentry

Today, I watched “Searching” with the mothership. Basically, this Asian girl goes missing and her dad desperately tries to investigate by going through all of her social media accounts, texts, etc etc. Through this process, he ultimately finds out that he was completely clueless about the innermost thoughts and feelings of his daughter (which honestly is pretty fucking reasonable, if you ask me. Also, great movie).

Myself, being an Asian girl, I thought, “Hey, wouldn’t it be kinda neat if I added to my virtual footprint (thus saying ‘fuck it’ to all of the professional advice I’ve been given to do the exact opposite) so that--in the case that I go missing--my sweet ma will be able to learn more about her daughter?”

Yeah. So, that’s pretty much what got me back on the ole Tumblr this fine evening, even though I know I’ll probably grow much too busy for it anyway, or I’ll lose interest, or I’ll just realize I’m too old for this shit haha. But we’re here now.

You know, when I had a Tumblr back in the day (circa 2010 - 2012), I was real fuckin’ careful about what I posted. As a young tween, I was curating an image of myself for the world--as young tweens often do.

Hello there. I'm Sthefynice. I had to create a new account for unsolved problems with my first one account so... hey, I'm like 'the new girl in the Town' who likes Starker and have it as her OTP 😂💜

Covid derailed our family just as we moved out and away from my dear friend, Angie and her family.

I have no idea when she will start to post, but she will when she’s ready <3

Im working on the design of this blog right now. I know it looks a little blah at this point. Hopefully over time it will all come together!

Anyway, I just wanted to get this thing going with my first entry. It’s late, I’m watching

I painted my nails, and posted my very first iPad Air Timelapse video on Facebook. I doubled my core/leg exercises and I’m planning on reincorporating my weights into my routine, as well.

Theres a bird caged in my mind

Fiercly flapping around from one side to the other

Bumping the walls 

Scratching away

Despiritly wishing to break free

It screeches

So loud that no other voice exists

It cries 

and wails 

and paces

and flaps 

and falls

over and over again

It doesnt stop.

The professor speaks, and bird is quiet a moment

The tasks pile 

and I sit there staring at it all

as the bird screeches, 

and squawks bloody murder

begging to fly again

But I can't set it free

Or I won't set it free

For it is a wild bird

There's no telling where it will go

what it will do

who it will meet

or who it would be

It flows with the wind 

becomes the wind

even if it changes course

It's beautful. 

But the bird is a wild bird

Once released

it will destroy any obsticle in the way

No matter how attentive I was in my plans

No matter what path I decided to take

No matter what people wish the path for me that once was

None of it is of any importance to the bird.

It will claw

and destroy

and hurt everyone and everything that held it back

that made it stay locked away in the cage.

But they're my family

My friends

My coworkers

My neighbors

Myself

My life

Everything I've ever knew.

I dont know how much longer I can withstand the sounds.

But is it really so selfish of me to wish the bird free?

Took my EBay sales over to the Post Office. Guy is retiring in less than a year. I will miss him and his last day.

Google Lens some stuff.

Looked up a bunch of stuff for the move. Clubs and health insurance. Will work on this on Thursday.

Did my walk. Up over 5500 steps.

A lot of minor stuff remains and then focus on ensuring everything goes as smooth as possible.

Organization is important.