Sincerely Sleeper

I see love that you've joined the ranks of my pillows. I'm sorry for the fact that I wasn't enough to help you anymore. I'm sorry I didn't know how to read your mind. I'd have told you it was ok long before the silence and cold caresses. Long before the distant cuddles and the angry conversations that you now term as fights. I'm sorry I wasn't able to get in through your wall. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I know this will never be enough but honey I'm sorry I hurt you to leave behind more than anything.

Have you ever noticed that there is never just one person you feel pulled to? That you tend to love a lot more than you let on because it’s just not “normal” to be so ok with something that others think is wrong. Have you ever had a friend you felt you knew forever, like you were always pulling these pranks, or they were always there to hold you when you fell apart or help you feel like a superstar? Have you ever thought I’d be fine with this friendship for the rest of my life? What’s wrong with that and the person you love and want to marry? What’s wrong with someone filling your soul with joy they brought from many lives shared with love and admiration between your souls? We carry pieces of each soul we connect with from life to life and build on these foundations each lifetime we spend with each other. This is my freedom. It’s a freedom where you don’t feel pressured into marriage because you’ve been dating or its expected. A freedom where you know that you love 2 women equally and could never choose but here you are not expected to choose just love wholly to all those who carry a part of your soul too. It’s understood that for one love to exist the others do not stop existing. It’s easy to be honest when you finally know that you are loved for who you are and fully so. This honesty about jealousy ( a feeling developed by controlling people who also made us so close minded and chained that we devolve on a minute basis.), and wounded pride or emotional strife. With honesty about who I am and how I feel I have found freedom in ways you could only dream of in fantasies you long gave up on. We were meant to band together and exist as a whole not in parts separated by hate and prejudice and such. As individual people we feel weird and outcast and strive to fit in yet we never will because nobody can accept you when you’re being something else just to be accepted. Our differences are needed to grow as a whole. Our differences grant us joys and advancement in life. Things we are to celebrate and then grow from to evolve as a species. Alone we are weak and nothing but together we advance and improve constantly as long as our knowledge, skills, abilities, and goings on are free shared with the world we can advance the world in ways we never even dared Dream of. Put down your prejudice and hate, lift your love and acceptance. Open your minds and see even those we pitty have freedoms and skills we never could.

My lips still mumble because I'm trying to hold onto your softness then when we get near him. he's just so mean, I am glad that I am sick. Baby do not get me wrong I know you are on every line of every story I have heard for Years. Sorry I have been beaten with one word. "EnuNCiaTe." Fuck that Old Man I cannot deal with your AnGer. I don't want to. God maybe there is a reason my best friend "Mumbles Too Much" and my girl mumbles when she is around me. Pillow I am sorry i pull away from you too but you fit so well and it was so hard for me to get rid of that negativity. The never say I'm proud of you without the added "if you can keep this path" the silent but always shown in every action when he comes for a visit "you could have been more like, or better than your younger brother" It's not my fault I'm trying for freedom

The winters are the hardest time for me. I've never really noticed until I realized I reach for you in random moments only to find you never there. I'm more alone in the winter. I miss your hand being there to pull me through crowds, and keep me closer to you. My beautiful master please just guide me. Sincerely Sleeper

Can we go back in time? Can I change how much of a fool I made of myself? Can we just remember what there was from us, and instead of it being a distant memory can you remember that I haven't changed that much? See the way my mouth forms it's sentences, the light within my eyes. That awkward way I don't notice that anything exist when you are near. The way I can quote documentaries in everyday life. The children movies and shows recommended to my Netflix considering how much of an adult child I still am. The way I still make a thousand playlist on my Spotify, and delete them all within a month; the fact that all of yours are still existent on my account though you haven't used it in over a year. The fact that I'd rather sit beside you and let you feed me than across from you just gazing into your eyes. My ideal date is still sitting beside you with the wind through our hair and good music being shared and debated. I've changed a lot over the last couple years, and yes you have missed it; however, should I be punished for you keeping me at arms length?

?