【罪と睡蓮】

hello, i am laxiel, the owner of this blog. am adult. here i'll mainly just reblog and post about stuff i like! i love anime-styled games and music (i don't actually watch anime shows though that much!), i love RPGs, i love fantasy and sci-fantasy, i love stories of timeloops and tragedy, i love poetic VIOLENCE and DEATH, i love vsingers, i have (had?) a burning special interest in vocalsynth technology & net subculture but i've not been as in-depth nor updated with it as i've been before in the past as my current musical interests align with vsingers (especially kamitsubaki). i'm an artist, musician, a lover of birds (pigeons are my favorite), a writer, a programmer-in-training, a (milk) tea enthusiast, an old web enjoyer (i've made my own html website!), a gothic lolita/ouji hobbyist, passionate advocate and enjoyer of bishounens (and beautiful/elegant aesthetics in general), hobbyist cosplayer ... and more >_0

right now i'm playing a lot of wuwa and hsr. i think wuwa is extremely pretty and compelling, and the amphoreus arc of hsr was my favorite thus far! i recently got into saihate station (the yaoi that finally completed my personal het - yuri - yaoi trifecta that has been incomplete for years. i have been agonizing, transmasculinely. you do not understand how much i was suffering about this.) (the trifecta is noahmio - hikaritsu - harushion. honorary mention to farysza.) i enjoy playing videogame series "out of order." my xenoblade playing order was 1 - FC - 3 - 2 - torna - 2 - FR, my aitsf order is aini - aitsf (haven't played no sleep yet) and i will die on the hill that this playing order doesn't ruin anything tonally or thematically from aitsf despite people saying otherwise. i looove both stories. (you weren't the one who played it in that order! i did though!) i am currently planning to play/watch undertale after the conclusion of deltarune.

dragalia lost, xenoblade, & stella glow will always hold a special place in my heart. for music i loooove kamitsubaki studio but i also love other artists (refer to the oshi list). i like orchestral elegant j-pop, artcore, and anything similar.

"laxiel" is the collective name of the host's subsystem in our overall system. laxiel is a median subsystem of 16*! we're trying to express our plurality more so you may see original posts talking about that! we first discovered our own plurality in 2016 but spent a lot of time masking due to the immense gatekeeping of the community and difficulty finding a place to properly express ourselves. we are also otherkin, as divinity; demigods. although we are accustomed the human visage, the human soul/heart/emotions are not what we experience. (we have other system members who are distinctly human, so there's a very notable difference we've confirmed.) individually we also have varying connections to fictional identities, like fictionkin or fictives.

*there might be more outside of laxiel subsystem who might post here so be aware! not linking a system list (yet...?) so for now it's just people adding their tags as we go along haha

we are trans and present androgynously! we have undergone social & medical transition for many years. our genders & sexualities span across the spectrum, though all have a connection with androgyny & genderqueerness. we have faced a lot of struggle both within queer communities and outside of them, that we have very strong opinions about. most especially the intersection of how our experience of gender is racialized is something we care a lot about. the binarized & eurocentric view of things cannot encompass us fully. we feel as though the presentation & experience of our gender/orientation is almost entirely invisible or unprecedented, something that's never been seen before, which is rather lonely...

we are collectively gray aroace, and due to our plurality and differing preferences among common fronters (along with other factors, like this economy, and stronger support systems) we would prefer polyamory as our ideal relationship type! a group of unconventional identities requires an unconventional relationship. though currently we are not in a relationship like that yet.

we are heavily mentally disordered/disabled but somewhat functioning(?) though it absolutely bleeds over into physical disability occasionally. generally we just do not have energy for an active and outgoing lifestyle orz