Regina George - The crush
Regina George did not do bleachers.
Bleachers were for parents with stadium blankets, JV hopefuls with trembly calves, and that one kid who ate Funyuns at 8 a.m. — not for Regina. Regina did box seats, VIP lists, and any surface elevated enough to make an entrance without actually creasing her skirt. The North Shore girls’ basketball court, with its squeaky varnish and drafty vents, was not part of her territory.
And yet: here she was, perched on five inches of freezing metal, sipping a cold brew she’d definitely brought for the aesthetic, watching people run back and forth and bounce a ball as if that were a hobby and not a cry for help.
She had reasons. Obviously.
First, cardio inspiration. She’d read somewhere (a caption, fine) that observing athleticism could stimulate your own metabolism. It sounded real enough to repeat. Second, people management. Where there are people, there are hierarchies, and where there are hierarchies, there is Regina, gently re-stacking the social Jenga tower so it never falls on her shoes. And third—
The third reason sprinted down the court just then, ponytail a comet-tail of motion, eyes locked on the hoop like fate had written coordinates there. Y/N cut right, left, spun on a heel with ballerina precision, and rose for a smooth, ridiculous, somebody-call-NASA layup.
Regina almost clapped. She caught herself, because if the Queen of North Shore High started clapping at practice, people would think there was an announcement. Or worse — charity.
“Why are we here again?” Gretchen Weiners asked, bunny-coat shedding lint like it was her job. “You said ‘emergency meeting,’ and I brought my notebook, but they’re just… doing sports.”
“We’re scouting,” Regina said, tone flat, as if it were obvious and, frankly, insulting to have to explain. “Spring Fling pep rally. I need to know which teams are photogenic.”
Karen Smith, rivaling a fountain for sheer bubbled optimism, blinked at the court. “Is that why they keep bouncing the orange thing? So the photographer can catch it in the air? That’s smart.”
“It’s a ball, Karen,” Regina said, automatically. “And the only thing we’re catching is a vibe.”
The vibe, as it happened, wore number 14 and a sheen of practice sweat that somehow didn’t seem gross on Y/N, just… intentional. Her focus was a laser line. When Coach blew the whistle, Y/N didn’t flinch; she pivoted and threaded a pass that sliced the gym in half. Regina watched it all like a crime scene expert, taking notes she would deny taking: the way Y/N’s laugh came out low and rough from running, how she patted a teammate’s shoulder after a missed shot, the literally illegal way her jersey clung at the shoulder seams.
She was not into girls. She was into control, and smoothies, and knowing who sat where in the cafeteria so that no one said the word “shuffle” around her. She was into straight lines and straight A’s and straight… narratives. She had told herself, and Gretchen, and Karen, and if necessary the International Court of Justice, that she was not into girls. Period.
Y/N swerved into a fast break and time threw its hands up and slowed down so even Regina could appreciate the cinematic of it: the determined set of Y/N’s jaw, the glint of the gym lights on her cheekbone, the soft thud as the ball kissed the backboard and fell through the net like it had planned to do that since kindergarten.
Regina’s heart did something undignified. It slipped on a metaphorical banana peel and landed face-first on the floor.
“Wow,” Karen said, impressed. “She’s like… basketball pretty.”
Gretchen’s gaze ping-ponged between the court and Regina. “You know her, right? From AP Gov? She corrected Mr. Hanson with a Supreme Court case and I thought he was going to cry? That was iconic.”
“I don’t… keep files,” Regina said, too quickly.
“You do,” Gretchen said gently.
Regina brushed invisible lint off her perfect white puffer like she was batting away the suggestion. “I maintain a light informational breeze.”
Down on the court, Y/N jogged to the sideline, shoved sweaty hair off her forehead, and swigged from a water bottle. The movement pulled the hem of her jersey up a fraction, revealing a flash of… stomach. Stomachs existed. Lots of people had them. Regina made a face like she’d just thought of a budget airline. Whatever.
“You’re being weird,” Gretchen whispered, scandalized and thrilled like a raccoon with a stolen cupcake. “You’re never weird.”
“I’m not being weird,” Regina said. “I’m being… supportive. Of women. In sports. Girlboss ball. Go team.”
Karen clapped twice. “Go girlboss ball!”
A stray pass cannoned into the bleachers like a guided missile. Regina, who did not do flinching, flinched. The iced coffee leaped out of her hand, executed a small backflip, and cascaded down her puffer in an elegant brown waterfall that matched nothing and no one. There was a silence so heavy you could’ve stored winter coats in it.
The ball rolled to a stop at Regina’s feet.
Y/N was already sprinting over. “Sorry! That was my bad,” she said, voice breathless and warm like gym air. Up close, she had laugh-lines when she winced, and eyelashes so stupidly long Regina actually forgot how to breathe for a second.
“Fine,” Regina said, throat dry. “I’m… fine. It’s coffee couture.”
Y/N smiled — like she’d just been handed a private joke. “It’s a look.”
Regina’s brain, which usually ran zingers on autopilot, stalled. “You— your layups are… symmetric,” she said.
Gretchen made a noise like a choked trumpet behind her.
Y/N’s smile turned sideways and teasing. “Symmetric?”
“Technically pleasing,” Regina tried again, hands fluttering uselessly as if they could sculpt the sentence into something better. “A little… Euclid. But make it hot.”
Karen, ever helpful, stage-whispered, “She means she likes how you sweat.”
“I don’t—” Regina began, and then she did the most humiliating thing a person can do: she giggled. A small, treasonous, aspirated thing escaped her like a balloon losing air.
Y/N looked delighted. “Well, thank you. I’ll tell Coach I’m adding ‘Euclid but hot’ to my stats.”
“Do that,” Regina said, because words were just falling out now and why not let them form a pile. “Also, your— your pass trajectory? That was… assertive.”
“Assertive pass trajectory,” Y/N repeated, as if penning it into a mental book. “I’ll put that next to rebounds.”
Regina reached for the ball, which was somehow still at her toes, and attempted to flick it up with one hand like she’d seen people do in movies. Naturally, it rocketed sideways, smacked the bleacher pole, and ricocheted into the general orbit of a startled freshman.
“Dexterity is for people who need it,” Regina said calmly, as if she’d meant to invent a new sport called Flail.
Y/N laughed — a low, chest-warm sound that did not help the situation. “We’ve got a game Friday,” she added, casual. “If you’re into assertive trajectories.”
Regina was absolutely not into anything except being the person other people were into. “I might… glance at it,” she said. “From a… humanitarian perspective.”
“Cool,” Y/N said, backing up, already half-tuned to Coach’s whistle. “I’ll, uh, try to keep the Euclid ratios.”
“Do,” Regina said, and then Y/N jogged back to the court and Regina sat there with iced coffee seeping into the seams of her perfect life.
Gretchen, reverent: “You got flustered.”
Karen, radiant: “It was cute! Like when a cat notices its own tail.”
Regina arranged her face into its usual unsympathetic marble. “Don’t be insane. I got splashed. With… liquids. And the air pressure in here is off.”
“Yeah,” Gretchen said. “Definitely the barometric pressure.”
They migrated to the cafeteria after practice because Gretchen needed to “decompress” (talk about it at three different volumes) and Karen needed fries “for circulation.” Regina needed to reassert gravity. As they slid into their usual table, Regina took out the Burn Book not because she planned to use it — she was above that today, probably — but because the weight of it felt like a crown in hardcover.
She uncapped her pen. Wrote “Y/N —” and immediately scratched it out so hard the paper fluffed.
“Okay,” Gretchen said, leaning too far across the table and nearly dipping her hair in her ranch. “Let’s process.”
“There’s nothing to process,” Regina said. She circled the word “nothing” like a target.
“You giggled,” Gretchen said.
Karen dragged a fry through ketchup in little hearts. “You do that when you see puppies wearing sweaters.”
Regina considered the ceiling, which had never betrayed her. “She’s… fine. She’s competent.”
“Mhm,” Gretchen said, which, in Gretchese, meant: I smelled a story two counties away and I have already scrapbooked it.
“She’s sturdy,” Regina amended, which was somehow worse. “In a… structural sense.”
“She made you say ‘Euclid,’” Karen offered helpfully.
Regina snapped the Burn Book closed. “I like math. Sometimes. When it’s… chic.”
“Do you like her?” Gretchen asked, so gentle it almost didn’t sound like gossip.
Regina rolled her eyes so hard she could have seen last Tuesday. “I am not into girls.” She said it easily. She’d practiced this line like a signature. “I’m into… excellence.”
“Y/N is excellent,” Karen said, proud to have solved it.
“Great, then I’m… into… her excellence. Objectively. Like a museum. Stop looking at me like that, Gretchen, you look like a raccoon that found a ring light.”
Gretchen folded her hands, saintly. “What if — and I’m just hypothesizing — what you’re into is a person, who happens to be a girl?”
“I’m into kingdoms,” Regina said, breezy. “And the maintenance thereof. Which is why we are all going to the girls’ game on Friday. Optics. We support women. Also the lighting in the gym is flattering if you sit near the scoreboard.”
“Yay, sports!” Karen cheered, sprinkling salt like a blessing.
Gretchen’s smile was soft. “Y/N will be happy you’re there.”
“Y/N,” Regina repeated, as if testing the phonetics for flaws. It was annoyingly pleasant to say. Why was that allowed? “She won’t notice. People like that don’t look up.”
At that exact moment, as if the universe had decided to be cute, Y/N walked past their table on her way to the register, hair damp from a post-practice shower, hoodie unzipped over a T-shirt that said DEFENSE WINS CHAMPIONSHIPS in a font that Regina would honestly wear if she could crop it. Y/N didn’t look up.
Then she did.
Her gaze skimmed the room, landed on Regina like a three-pointer swishing the net, and held. Not a beat too long — just… courteous. Forehead-crease tiny, smile easy. She lifted her hand in the smallest wave, a private semaphore through cafeteria noise.
Regina’s hand betrayed her. It fluttered, caught between a queenly nod and a frantic semaphore back. What emerged was a little half-salute she would deny under oath.
Y/N’s mouth tilted. She turned to order, and the world restarted its soundtrack.
Gretchen was trying very hard not to squeal. Karen had forgotten her fries midair.
Regina placed her palms flat on the table, as if anchoring herself to the earth. “So,” she said briskly, as if her cheeks weren’t warm and she hadn’t been staring at a hoodie like it was couture. “Friday. We’ll sit in Row C for photos. I’ll wear the new gloss. Gretchen, you’ll bring signs that look spontaneous but aren’t. Karen, if someone asks you what a zone defense is, just giggle and say ‘I love zones.’”
“I love zones,” Karen practiced, transported by the slogan.
“And someone,” Regina added, eyes still traitorously bright, “should bring flowers. For… morale. For the team. Which is not about… anyone.”
Gretchen’s eyebrows tried to jump off her face into space. “Flowers?”
“Not roses,” Regina said quickly. “Roses are for promposals. Something athletic. Like… sunflowers. They’re tall. And they mind their own business.”
Karen clapped. “Sunflowers are, like, the jocks of flowers.”
Gretchen nodded, devotional. “We’ll get a bouquet. With a tasteful card. From the student body.”
“Exactly,” Regina said, smoothing a napkin she suddenly cared very much about. “From the student body.”
She took a breath, the kind you take when you’ve decided the ocean is only water and, honestly, she floats. It was fine. She was fine. She was not into girls; she was into strategy. And if her strategy currently included attending a basketball game for reasons that shared a face and a jersey number, well. A queen is allowed a hobby.
Across the cafeteria, Y/N collected her tray. For half a second, her eyes slid back to Regina — a reflex, a gravitational quirk. Two beats. Then she was gone, absorbed by teammates and noise and normal.
Regina felt the tug of a smile she didn’t authorize, something small and smug curling at the corner. “Girlboss ball,” she murmured, mostly to herself. “Let’s see if it’s worth the merch.”
Friday couldn’t come soon enough.
By Monday morning, Regina’s life had become a limited series called “The Collapse of a Perfectly Stable Regime,” streaming exclusively in her head. She was the monarch and the coup leader and the audience, binge-watching herself fail to make eye contact like a functioning mammal.
First symptom: gazing. An affliction she had only ever seen in shampoo commercials and Jane Austen. She would catch sight of Y/N at her locker, the sharp line of a jaw softened by a smile, the way she tucked a flyaway hair behind her ear with athlete economy, and suddenly Regina’s gaze would… linger. Linger, like a peasant at a banquet. Linger, like a pop-up ad. Linger so long that Gretchen had to stage-whisper, “Blink!” and Karen—angelic—would lean sympathetically against the locker and accidentally set off the fire alarm with the strap of her tote. (In Karen’s defense, that alarm had been waiting for an excuse.)
Second symptom: still gazing, but with props. In AP Calc, Regina’s notebook looked like a crime scene. She was supposed to be deriving the rate of change of something dull; instead she’d drawn a very precise basketball court with arrows and dotted lines and a tiny figure labeled “14” doing Euclid But Hot. Under it, she’d written “assertive trajectory” three times in different pen weights to see which felt most… married to her aesthetic. The answer was all of them.
“Ms. George,” Mr. Carlson said, chalk paused mid-screech, “care to share the derivative you’re working on?”
Regina flipped a page so fast it probably wind-burned the front row. “Obviously,” she said, because that word bought time. “The derivative of—” She stared at her own handwriting: assertive trajectory assertive trajectory assertive trajector— “—competence,” she finished. “It’s constant. In my case.”
A ripple of laughs. Mr. Carlson blinked, defeated by brand management.
Third symptom: domestic fantasy. At home, she would brush her hair and then stop, brush in midair, because her brain had queued up a trailer called “What If You Were Insufferably Soft.” It featured Y/N in an oversized hoodie (Regina’s), feet on Regina’s lap, saying something low and ridiculous about “team chemistry,” and Regina answering with something equally ridiculous about “molecular bonding,” and then— fade to tasteful, PG-13 warmth where everything smelled like fresh laundry and victory. She was not proud of it. But it kept autoloading.
Gretchen noticed everything because that was Gretchen’s love language.
“You were smiling at your closet,” Gretchen reported Monday night on three-way call, voice hushed like a museum docent.
“I was strategizing,” Regina said, pacing her room. “Colors for the pep rally. Do we think sunflower yellow is gauche or teamsy?”
Karen gasped. “Sunflowers! Like we talked about! We should get a bouquet! From the student body! For morale!”
“Don’t do bit. I’m fine,” Regina said, glaring at her reflection until it straightened up. “I am composed.”
“You said ‘molecular bonding’ out loud at lunch,” Gretchen said. “To your salad.”
“That salad needed an education,” Regina snapped, and hung up before they could hear the very undignified sound of her flopping backward onto an armful of pillows and whispering, “Get a grip.”
Tuesday she chose denial as a cardio routine. She wore a crisp white tennis skirt (athletic-adjacent, optics) and drifted past the practice gym “by coincidence” four times. On the fourth coincidence she tripped on absolutely nothing and invented a brand-new way to drop a water bottle: it leapt out of her hand, pinwheeled once, and rolled directly to Y/N’s sneakers like a homing beacon.
Y/N bent, scooped, and looked up. “Yours?” The smile that hit Regina was like sunlight sneaking in under the blinds.
“I don’t… keep bottles,” Regina said. “I maintain hydration in a decanter.”
“Fancy,” Y/N said, grinning. “You coming to the game Friday?”
“I might glance at it,” Regina said, making sure her tone conveyed: charity. “From a humanitarian perspective.”
“We love humanitarian glancing,” Y/N said, and then the corner of her mouth tipped up, conspiratorial. “See you there, cutie.”
That was the moment the Regina Operating System blue-screened. You could have fit a whole therapy session in the space where her brain tried to reboot. “Cu—” she repeated, as if tasting a letter for poison. “—tea. I prefer green. Antioxidants. Thank you.”
Y/N’s laugh was warm and helpless. “See you, green tea.”
Regina did not remember walking away. She remembered appearing near a vending machine and leaning against it like it was a chaise lounge and whispering into her phone, “S.O.S.”
Gretchen materialized in under a minute, which was alarming. “I heard ‘cutie.’ I was across the hall. I have bat ears for plot.”
Karen arrived shortly thereafter with three packs of gummy bears. “For blood sugar,” she said. “And feelings.”
“I do not have feelings,” Regina said, fanning herself with a flyer for Chess Club. “I am a marble statue that says ‘Go Wildcats.’”
Gretchen practically vibrated. “She called you cutie.”
“She mispronounced ‘Regina,’” Regina corrected, light-headed. She looked at Karen. “Eat two of those, I need the placebo effect.”
Wednesday was pink, obviously. On Wednesdays they wore it; on Wednesdays Regina had the nerve to be… soft. She arranged her hair in a ponytail so glossy it looked Photoshopped and attempted to act like a person who wasn’t thinking about a single two-syllable word like it was contraband.
She failed within ten minutes.
In the hallway between classes, Y/N shouldered through a knot of sophomores with her usual easy courtesy, stopped when she saw Regina, and did a little two-finger salute that felt alarmingly private. “Morning,” she said. “You look—” a beat, and then, like it was nothing, like breathing— “cute.”
Regina’s soul left her body, signed for a package, and returned slightly misaligned. “I’m not a kitten,” she said, but it came out as a giggle wearing a trench coat.
Y/N’s eyes crinkled. “Okay. Ferocious. See you in Gov, ferocious.”
As soon as Y/N vanished, Gretchen oozed out of a classroom like a gossip ghost. “She did it again,” Gretchen said dreamily. “We’re in a rom-com montage.”
Karen stuck her head out of the girls’ bathroom, eyes huge. “Is ‘cutie’ a zone defense?”
“It’s a war crime,” Regina said faintly, pressing her forehead to a cool locker. “And I’m losing.”
That afternoon, to prove that she wasn’t losing, Regina deep-dived basketball like it was an exam. She opened her laptop and typed “How to understand girls’ basketball in under an hour without becoming a person who owns a foam finger.” She watched clips. She learned that a pick was not cutlery and a screen was not for sunscreen and a backdoor cut was not— well, she wasn’t going to touch that phrase. She took notes. She texted Gretchen:
REGINA: If I say ‘box-and-one’ will I sound like I know things?
GRETCHEN: Enough to be dangerous.
KAREN: I thought Box N One was that place in the mall that sells soaps.
REGINA: Different. Tragic.
Thursday, the fantasies got organized. Regina made a secret Pinterest board called “Athlétisme But Chic” and curated outfits that said I absolutely did not dress for a gym but somehow I’m perfect here. She practiced phrases in the mirror that sounded dismissive but encouraging:
“Do… points.”
“Be… assertive.”
“Win. Or at least frame the loss in a way that benefits our editorial calendar.”
Somewhere between “win” and “editorial,” she started daydreaming again: Y/N, post-game, cheeks flushed, hairline damp, lifting her eyes to find Regina in the stands. Y/N walking over, gravity like a string between them. Y/N saying “cutie” in that lazy, treasonous way and Regina answering “don’t start,” and then both of them starting anyway, but tastefully, because the janitor was still sweeping.
She came back to herself with her heart doing cardio and her lip gloss slightly smudged.
To detox, she texted the Plastics group chat the Official Plan:
REGINA: Tomorrow: we sit Row C. We act casual. We wear neutral tones that go with victory. Gretchen, you bring signs that appear spontaneous. Karen, you clap on beats 2 and 4. If someone says ‘zone defense,’ you say ‘I love zones.’
KAREN: I LOVE ZONES!!
GRETCHEN: Flowers from the “student body” are arranged. Sunflowers: tall, mind their business.
REGINA: Perfect. Nothing about this is personal. It’s for optics. We support women. Girlboss ball.
KAREN: Girlboss ball!!!
Gretchen DM’d privately two minutes later:
GRETCHEN: Are you okay?
REGINA: No.
GRETCHEN: Want to talk?
REGINA: Also no. But thank you. I’m going to exfoliate my feelings.
Thursday evening, North Shore’s front lawn was crusted with late snow. Regina stood in her kitchen in a silk robe, eating a strawberry in the exact way you do when you’re having a crisis but refuse to look like it. The house was quiet in that wealthy way that means all the appliances whisper money. She glanced at her phone— not expecting anything and therefore fully unprepared for what she saw:
A text from Y/N.
Y/N: You’re still coming tomorrow, right?
Regina stared. She carried the phone to the marble island and set it down like a relic. She picked it up again.
REGINA: I might glance. From a humanitarian perspective.
The dots appeared, vanished, appeared.
Y/N: Bring your fan club. The gym’s more fun loud.
REGINA: We don’t do “loud.” We do “excellent acoustics.”
A beat.
Y/N: Okay, Excellent Acoustics. See you, cutie.
Regina made a noise so high only dogs in the neighboring zip code heard it. She put the phone face down, paced a perfect, silent square, picked the phone up again, wrote twelve different replies, and sent none of them. Finally:
REGINA: It’s unprofessional to nickname royalty.
Y/N: Then consider it civil disobedience. Night, Your Majesty.
Regina set the phone down like it might combust and leaned back against the cabinets, grinning into the stainless steel. “Civil disobedience,” she repeated, tasting the letters. She allowed herself exactly three seconds to be the puddle she was.
Friday morning, she woke up with a plan and an extra layer of mascara. She was going to be normal. She was going to be cool. She was going to be Regina George, which had always been more than enough.
At school, she executed pageantry. Hair: immaculate. Outfit: calibrated to say I could go to a gallery opening after this. Lips: glossed with something that looked like you were born expensive. She breezed past the gym like it bored her, even though excitement thrummed in her like a drumline.
Lunchtime, Y/N crossed the cafeteria, tray in hand, teammates trailing like planets. She paused at their table— not long, not performative, just… there.
“Hey,” Y/N said, voice a little lower than necessary. “Can I borrow the Queen and her court for a second?”
Karen beamed. “We love courts!”
Regina tilted her chin. “Briefly. We’re extremely busy.” (They were not.)
Y/N held out three flyers. “We’re selling raffle tickets at the door for new practice equipment. If the Plastics vouch, they’ll sell out.”
Regina took the flyer, flicked her eyes over it, and nodded like she was approving a treaty. “We’ll post,” she said. “Gretchen, draft something that sounds generous but not thirsty. Karen, take an over-the-shoulder pic of me reading the flyer like it’s foreign policy.”
Y/N’s smile arrived slow, like a secret. “Thanks,” she said, and then, as an afterthought that was absolutely not an afterthought— “You look really cute today, by the way.”
Regina’s laugh came out airy, treacherous. “I always look cute. Today I look… supportive.”
“I’ll take it,” Y/N said, backing away. Over her shoulder, the grin widened. “See you tonight, cutie.”
Regina stared at the flyer after Y/N left as if it held the nuclear codes. Gretchen pressed a hand to her heart, overcome. Karen whispered, awed, “That’s, like, three ‘cuties’ in one week. That’s a hat trick.”
“It’s—” Regina began, and then stopped because her vocabulary had left the building. She took a breath, smoothed her hair, and smiled like someone who had absolutely not Googled “what is a hat trick.” “It’s fine,” she said lightly. “It’s cute. Whatever.”
Gretchen’s eyes gleamed. “You’re a puddle.”
“I am an elegant, reflective surface,” Regina corrected. She stood, snapped the flyer to attention, and flashed a smile that could light a gym. “Get in, losers. We’re buying sunflowers.”
“Yay, optics!” Karen cheered, hopping up.
They swept out of the cafeteria like a weather front, Regina in the lead, heart doing traitorous gymnastics but face imperial. She wasn’t into girls. She was into excellence. If excellence happened to wear 14 and call her cutie like it was a private backstage wristband… well. A queen could appreciate artistry.
The day blurred into preparation: a stop at the florist (“Student Body Arrangement, make it look spontaneous but expensive”), a quick rehearsal on how to hold a sign so your forearms looked great, Gretchen’s covert sign-lettering (“DEFENSE? YES, QUEEN-FENSE”), Karen practicing clapping to a metronome app (“I love zones!”). By last bell, Regina had achieved the exact ratio of excitement to composure that made her eyes sparkle dangerous.
As the sun bled gold across the parking lot and the gym doors opened to swallow the school, Regina led her court inside, bouquet in hand, smile sharp as a whistle.
Fine. She was a puddle. But she was a well-curated puddle.
And tonight, the court— literal and otherwise— was hers to walk.












