the paradox.

VALENTÍN SIDOROV, a twenty six year old human. he is a first army spy and are known as the paradox. they are known to be humble and clumsy and vaguely resemble george mackay.

CLOSED THREAD FOR @theparadx​ where: stables pre-masquerade

as always, aloysha seemed to have gotten himself into a predicament only he could manage. they had made it their mission to keep to them self while at the little palace, and sometimes they regretted even seeking the place out at all, because now, here they were, searching around the grounds of the little palace for a man he didn’t even want to get close to in the first place. he didn’t really have a say in the matter, because the man wouldn’t leave him alone anyhow.

as they searched from room to room, he eventually found out that val had an affinity for the stables. he felt bad, like really bad, because he knew that val just wanted to be friends. but aloysha was not used to affection, no matter what kind it was. it was only natural for him to push people away, that’s the way he grew up; hating what was in his blood and what he grew up as.

finding val in the stables, his back turned to him, alo leaned against the frame of the stable door. they bit their lip, not sure how to start. an apology? nope. “you know how hard it was to track you down? ran all around the palace to find you.”

. 

valentín knew not to stay where he wasn’t wanted, or at least it was something he was starting to learn. he had never really understood it, but the more time he spent at the little palace the more he realized that he didn’t have to stay where he wasn’t wanted. it was a funny irony, to start to learn some self love at the place and with the people he supposed to be spying. 

at first he had never really paid attention to alo whenever they got like this, val would simply leave and then come back the next day. but this time it was different, he didn’t know why but val felt it was different, and if alo didn’t want his company then val didn’t have to with him. so that was what he did, for the past few days val had kept to his work on the stable, the ocasional meetings with hannes and the few other spies ( that secretly frightened him to death ), and above all he tried to avoid the places he knew he was likely to run into alo. 

perhaps everything hannes had been teaching was paying off because he heard alo coming into the stable before he spoke. val didn’t turn to look at him, he simply get to what he was doing. he wasn’t angry, he wasn’t sad, he was just quiet and somehow that was worse. val ignored his words as he walked over to another horse and began to brush his hair

when val left alo to get water, the inferni literally just slumped down onto the floor and rested their head against the table. he close his eyes, a sudden headache forming in his mind, the bright lights of the kitchen only making it worse. he tried to shield his sight, press his fingers against the side of his head, even apply pressure to his eyes. “liiiiight,” he complained, ending up just curling into a fetal position onto the ground. he liked the coldness of the floor against his skin.

alo was nearly sleeping until a sudden wetness greeted them in the most unfriendly of ways. they jumped up, wiping their face, irritated. now he head a headache, and he was wet. alo squinted up to look at val, who was a blurry mess in front of him what with the lights and everything surrounding his figure. he sort of looked…… angelic. alo shook his head, rubbing his eyes. “my mouth works,” alo grumbled, pushing himself off of the floor, though unsteadily, and leaned against the table. he could see val better now, though their headache was crushing all thoughts from their brain. “can you please turn down the lights?”

.

"it does.” valentín laughed. he didn’t know what he was hoping the water would do but he was glad he wasn’t mad at him, after all val had pissed off just about every single grisha he had met at the little palace and as amazed as he was by them he tried to be caoutious, he didn’t want to make the wrong kind of enemies. “oh, of course!” he quickly walked over the one of the gas lamps by the wall and turned the gas down enough so that a dim light washed over the room.

valentín walked towards alo and sat down on the floor in front of him. he sat cross legged, like a little kid would. he didn’t say anything for a while, he only intented to sat there until alo was sober enough so that he could walk to his room by himself or sober enough so that he could tell val where his room was and he could carry him. he didn’t think leaving him alone would be a good idea, and he didn’t want him to injury himself while drunk. “you would think grishas would know how to hold their drinks.” he said to himself, out loud. valentín wasn’t used to masquerades and balls, he was knew to this life but he figured grishas would be used to it by now. 

hannes appreciated the words, he truly did. as much as he couldn’t see himself with the same kind eyes valentín did, he still appreciated what he was saying. he couldn’t think about himself as a great catch — what he could offer to lidiya ? he had no title nor a name in ravka. he was a strange in ravkan lands, and had no money to start a future. hannes couldn’t give her anything than dead relatives, a desire for revenge and nightmares every night. it wouldn’t be fair to trap her inside a life like that. “ you flatter me. ” it was all what he could say to valentín. at the mention of marriage, hannes couldn’t help and laugh again. “ i won’t be encouraging you to do such things, though i’m sure someone here deserves to have their ring stolen. ” his laugh died at val’s realization. “ yes, oh. i don’t know if tomorrow i’ll be here and i can’t trap her into this dangerous life. ”

“ maybe we’re celebrating the shining on the king’s bald head. ” the fjerdan spy joked, but his voice had the usual bitterness of when he talked about the king. it was a useless waste of money and a dangerous thing to host a ball like that, but what could he do ? if he was on the rain, he would get wet. “ that would be a wise move if stealing wasn’t a crime. thought i agree with you with about not sparing a look at the palace’s staff. they should, but since they don’t, that’s why we are what we are. ” 

. 

valentín laughed like he always did, as if he didn’t have a single care in the world. “and here i thought i was the only one who thought his majestic shinny bald head needed its own celebration date.” he was partly joking, truly it was insane how much his bald head managed to shine, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little impressed.

valentín knew what his friend meant. doing what they were doing at the little palace was dangerous, no one had tomorrow promised but they? they didn’t even have the evening guaranteed. at first valentín had only hoped to make his father proud and to finally make him see his son as someone who was worthy, that’s why was he had come to the little palace and he would’ve given everything he had to make that dream come true. however, the more time he spent around the people of the little palace, the more he began to question his wants and the more he began to put the people around him above his father, and right now? he thought that if he could give everything he had to ensure his friend got to live the life he knew he deserved, he would. “can we just pretend we’re other people tonight?” he asked suddenly. “just for tonight. let’s not worry about tomorrow. don’t we deserve at least that for today?“ he didn’t know about himself, but he knew his friend deserved that. 

it was very clear to anyone with a braincell that alo was not going to remember any interaction they had that night, and maybe that was for the best. when val asked more questions to their ‘where did you come from’, alo simply looked up at him with the most confusion you will ever see on a human being’s face.

he could barely form sentences at that point, smacking his lips together as if his mouth was dry. he was like a baby trapped inside a man’s body at this point, using mannerisms to express their needs. he wrapped an arm around val and complied as he picked them up, groaning until they were standing with feet planted on the ground. everything he tried to say was just a series of grumbles of nothingness.

. 

valentín was certain the man was trying to say something to him, or perhaps he was just drunkenly muttering but either way he couldn’t make sense of what he was trying to say. val had never been good at handling his drinks but he always knew when to stop, it seemed the same couldn’t be said for the man leaning on him right now. “you look heavier than you look.” he grunted as he tried to carry him towards the kitchen. nothing a a whole lot of water couldn’t fix.

it took him a while to be able to get them both over to the kitchen, mainly because valentín was still knew around the little palace and didn’t really know his way around the building. once they were there val sat him against a table and quickly went to fetch him a glass of water and after a moment he came back holding the water, val took one look at the man and then splashed the water on his face. “better?” he asked, truly hoping he was helping the man and never once thinking perhaps getting him to drink it would be easier, and well, more convinient. 

aloysha was super gone. like super gone. while he usually seemed to hide their true feelings, make people think he’s indifferent, tonight seemed to be different. he was a completely different person at that point, the alcohol in their system altering the chemicals in his brain so much he probably forgot his own name.

he didn’t know how he got in the bushes. he didn’t remember most of the night, to be honest. everything was blurring together, and he probably preferred it that way. if he somehow ended up remembering anything from that night, he’d probably die from embarrassment. poor guy.

aloysha barely mumbled at the voice coming from….. somewhere. it sounded low and drawn out, like a record player that was broken. alo’s eyes were closed, and he shrugged at the question. at least, they thought it was a question. he sighed, a hiccup interrupting said sigh as he looked up at val. “where did you come from?” they asked, completely forgetting val was even there.

. 

valentín wasn’t entirely sober himself, but he was starting to sober up due to the fresh air. still, he wondered if his eyes were deceiving, was that a man? in the bushes? val stepped closer and the moment he properly laid eyes on him he wondered if he was just sick, but when he spoke it was obvious he was still drunk. “from the ball?” it wasn’t an answer to his question but another question. “or from like, where in ravka?” 

“saints, are you alright?” he asked as he leaned down enough to get a better look at him. it was clear he wasn’t, but he still felt the need to ask. “okay, come on.” he said deciding he couldn’t just leave him there. he got closer enough to put his arm around him to help him back to his feet. “come buddy, let’s go. party is over.” 

a hand found its way to hannes face to muffle his laugh. valentín was a ridiculous person — but in a good way. he was everything that hannes wished he could be, but since he couldn’t, it was good to keep him at his side. he laughed even harder when the grisha didn’t care for val’s performance, but was also grateful. only his friends could see him like that. “ the student will never become the teacher. you still need to learn a lot, but that was impressive. ” if that was another nigh, hannes would scoff at his best friend’s words. but, unfortunately, val was right. he needed to stop being a coward — what would jytte, or even his mother, think about him being afraid to tell a lady his feelings and pursuing his own happiness ? 

“ i owe her a dance. that’s my move. and you know i can’t dare to hope too much, since, well, you know. ” being a spy, but not a fjerdan. he felt bad lying to someone who did too much for him, but that was necessary. “ there isn’t and was no need. i’m not suit for such pomposity. ”

“ for the love of the saints, valentín. why are we friends ? ” hannes managed to say between his laugh, looking at his friend. valentín was handsome that night, but if he was going to pose as a stable boy, he needed to choose better clothes. the ones he was wearing screamed nobleman, and could betray his cover. “ a ton ? ” hannes suggested quite confused, tilting his head to the side. “ i understand you, i really do, but weren’t you a stable boy ? how you will say to someone that doesn’t know you how i managed to afford such thing ? i’m saying that for your well-being. ”

.

for a moment valentín had trouble understanding what his friend was saying. “why shouldn’t you dare to hope too much?” he asked truly puzzled. he feared his friend’s low self esteem might be to blame here, and valentín wasn’t about to let that happen. “you are a great catch. you’re a deal too good for anybody and anyone would be lucky to have you by their side.” he was rambling and he knew it but he never learned how to stop when he got like this. “if i had a ring i would ask for your hand in marriage right this second. i suppose i could always try to steal a ring from one of the guests.” he said more to himself than to hannes as he scanned the room --- truly a terrible idea if he decided to go with it, valentín could never steal something and actually get away with it. however, when valentín looked back at his friend he remembered something “oh...” the realization slowly sinking in. “yes, i suppose that would affect the foreseeable future.” 

there was something about this gentleman that jia couldn’t put her finger on. something was strange about him, but she couldn’t identify it. maybe she was losing her mind? she wouldn’t be surprised. she peered closely at his mask and the eyes behind it, but she couldn’t place him for the life of her. he must have been a visiting noble or a grisha that she didn’t come into connect with a lot. at his words, she offered a little smile. jia didn’t like to be seen as helpless, so his reassurance was welcomed. “oh-” so looked at their arms surprised. “no, i’m sorry. i’m the one that grabbed you out of nowhere,” she explained, suddenly feeling embarrassed for probably grabbing this wealthy man. 

she looked up at him as the seconds ticked by. what did she do? did she offer him something? right when she was about to open her mouth with a response, he was already bidding her farewell. “oh, wait- allow me to get you a glass of kvas. it’s the least i can do.” she shrugged her shoulders. “no, no, we’re not even. i’ll have to save you before the night ends. come on, i insist,” jia said, gesturing towards the bar. 

.

valentín was about to turn around and make his way through the crowd, he wanted to find hannes but the place was packed with people and so far he hadn’t spotted his friend. before he made had a chance to leave he heard the woman speak once more. “you don’t need to.” he laughed, really he hadn’t done anything anyone else wouldn’t have done. “but,” he thought out loud. “i don’t think a glass of kvas should ever be denied.” he said as he began to move towards the table filled with drinks that stood at the other end of the room. 

“very well, but i don’t seem to be in the need of any rescue at the moment.” he then leaned in to whisper at her, as if he was telling her a secret. “i fear you might throw me to the wolves just to save me.” he teased. 

the night was going perfect. valentín had dreamed about going to one of the balls his family would leave him out of for as long as he could remember, but somehow the masquerade still felt like a dream, he couldn’t quite believe this was happening --- perhaps that was why he was why out in the balcony right now. he needed a moment to take it all in, and he thought the fresh air might help. after a while he thought it was time to go back inside and just when val turned around to leave he bumped into someone with his entire body. “saints!” he exclaimed “i’m so sorry, i didn’t see you. i thought i was alone out here---” he was just spitting words out of his mouth without even taking the time to see who he had bumped into but when valentín finally paid attention and properly looked at the person in front of him he went cold. “oh.” 

the ball was coming to and end, there were only a few guests still inside, most of them still making conversating and saying their goodbyes and the everyone was getting ready to go back to their homes. valentín was sitting sitting outside enjoying the fresh air. he had a lot to drink but he was sobering up already, and he couldn’t wait to get out of those clothes and into bed.

“ for dj– saints’ sake, val. ” hannes murmured startled, but gave his friend a smile — a full smile. valentín was always a desired company, especially on a party. the fjerdan spy wasn’t used to them, but having his ravkan friend alongside him gave hannes a sense of comfort which he didn’t know existed. “ i’m not dancing because i still haven’t found the lady i want to dance with. ” he was trying to not look desperate to find lidiya — he was sure she was stunning, and that worried him. what if she didn’t want to dance with him because of his simple clothes ? or worse, what if she found someone better than him ? 

“ but i can ask you the same thing. i’m sure there’s a long line of persons who would love to dance— wait, what are those ? ” he asked when she took noticed of the clothes valentín was wearing. wasn’t him pretending to be s stable boy ? hannes couldn’t say much, but his most expensive piece of clothing was stolen. “ val … ” he tried to start, but his body was taken by a fit of laughter.

. 

valentín couldn’t help to laugh as he jumped around like a little kid, because finally, he had managed to caught hannes by surprise. “finally! finally ladies and gentlemen!” he said grabbing a young grisha who was passing by, by the shoulders, the grisha simply pushed val away and kept on walking. “the student becomes teacher!” valentín leaned against the wall before he spoke again. he didn’t bother asking which lady he was looking for because he knew he meant lidiya. “are you finally going to make a move? i mean, not that i don’t think that sticking with the angsty brooding thing you’ve got going on doesn’t work, but... well.” valentín didn’t want to say anything but he never really knew how to keep his mouth shut. “you know i could’ve let you borrow some clothes, right?”

val pushed himself off the wall when he realized his friend was looking at his clothes. he did a lttle bow and even did a little spin to show him his outfit better. 

even with the mask valentín had recognized his friend, it wasn’t a surprise that he did, they had known each other for a few years now and a simple mask wouldn’t stop him from telling him apart in a crowd of people. ever since he had gotten to the little place he had been trying to learn the ways of a spy, the first step seemed to be to make yourself a unnoticeable. first step failed. he was supposed be nothing more than the stable boy, but stable boys shouldn’t be able to aford the clothes he was wearing tonight.